B-Movie Central Cheese Blog

Yes, this is actually my second post in one day, though by the time I finish it it’ll probably be tomorrow, but whatever.  Anyway, somehow I ended up on the WE channel today.  Yes, it’s that women’s channel.  Don’t ask me how, but I was flipping channels and something caught my eye…and my ears.  It was some dumb bitch having a hemorrhage over her wedding.  Yes my friends, i had stumbled helplessly into a Bridezillas marathon.

I had heard about the show before, but I had never actually seen it.  For those who don’t know what it is, basically they follow these women along on the journey to their wedding day.  What’s the hook?  Well, it just so happens that the women they’re following are the most worthless, self centered, rude and utterly selfish bitches ever.  I mean seriously, this one behemoth sized, wobbling mound of flesh went with her normal sized fiance into a jewelry store.  They had a $700 budget for rings.  So they go in there and look at a few, and suddenly this bitch wants to see the most expensive ring in the store, which happens to be a three karat, $30,000 ring.  She tries it on and suddenly the princess decides that that’s the one she wants, and if he won’t buy it for her, then he’s just cheap and doesn’t think she’s worth it.  EXCUSE ME???  First of all, this guy was a moron in the first place for even sticking around for more than two seconds after she started giving him grief about not getting her the $30,000 ring, because if that gold digging cow is acting like that now, that’s a pretty damn good indication of what you’re life together is going to be like.  He should have told the behemoth that if she wanted that ring so bad, she could go out and get two or three jobs, work ‘em for a year and then buy it for herself.  That’s not even mentioning how many times she belittled him in front of the clerk for being cheap.  Man, that bitch needs one of Fred Sanford’s patented “five across her lips” so she can learn not only a life lesson, but a lesson about how to treat others with respect and dignity.  Honestly, that guy should have lifted up a few folds until he found an ear, told her off and then walked the hell out of there a free man.  Naturally he didn’t, so now he’s stuck with her, which leaves me torn over how much sympathy I should actually have for him.

So I’m sitting there, literally for several hours, watching episode after episode of these dominating bitches and the men who are too spineless to put them in their place, totally fascinated by the fact that people this utterly worthless even exist.  These chicks treat their future husbands, bridesmaids, families, friends, caterers, cake makers, hairdressers, make-up people and anyone else who gets in their way like utter crap and like they exist only to serve their every whim so that they can have a perfect wedding day.  The funny thing is, the way they act, I can’t believe that any guy ever stuck around long enough to walk them down the isle.  All I could do was stare in disbelief at what I was seeing and being totally thankful that I had the great fortune to marry someone who was the complete polar opposite of these worthless cows.

Anyway, enough of that.  Now on to something funny that happened today…

Our new puppy buddy, who we’ve had for just over a month now, was in the living room today, and I happened to walk out just in time to see him doing the hunchback and getting ready to crap on the carpets that I JUST FINISHED STEAM CLEANING YESTERDAY!!!

My wife Sharon was there too, and as I looked over at Buddy and saw him hunching, I was like, “BUDDY!!! NO!!!…NO!!!”.

So what does he do?  Well it had already started coming out, and my yelling at the top of my lungs scared the hell out of him, so he promptly turned and ran under the coffee table and over behind the couch.

What’s so funny about that?  Well, in his fright, he sort of…evacuated.  As he turned and ran, he left a big long turd streaming out in a perfectly straight line behind him like a freakin’ Play Doh machine.  I was pissed, but it was so damn funny I couldn’t stay pissed for too long.  After a long day of playing, he’s now crapped out (figuratively) under Sharon’s chair here, snoring away with his little puppy snores and dreaming about whatever it is that puppies dream about.

Anyway, that’s it for now.  I’ll post again when I have something to say.