B-Movie Central Cheese Blog

So what’s a garage homey? Well, there’s a story behind that, and I’m going to tell you that story right now…

About seven or eight houses down from us, there’s another house, followed by a few more houses. No big surprise there as we live in a neighborhood type subdivision. The house in question always has it’s garage door open. Again, no big shockers there. It may be a bit unusual, but certainly nothing noteworthy. What is noteworthy however, is the strange creature that dwells within the dark confines of said garage. The garage homey.

Who is the garage homey? Who knows? Every time we pass his house though, he’s out there standing around in his garage doing nothing. Sometimes he’s smoking a cigarette, sometimes he’s drinking something and still other times he may be on the cordless phone. Generally though, irregardless of whatever accessory activity is involved, he just stands there doing nothing.

What’s surprising about that is that he’s got a really bitchin’ motorcycle in there, also just sitting there doing nothing. So why doesn’t he take it out and go for a ride? Is it like a piece of art or something, to be looked at but never touched? Some days he gets brave and actually emerges just a few steps from the garage, like a groundhog popping out of his burrow to check the weather, but then a short time later he’s right back in there again.

Who is this strange individual, and what dark and sinister forces call out to him, beckoning him to stand in his garage all day long? I don’t know, but it is a question that my wife and I ponder often. Could it be where he disposes of the bodies?  Could it be the home of a portal to another dimension that closed suddenly, leaving him to stand around waiting for the gateway to open up again so he can finally go home?  Or maybe, just maybe, it’s where the voices in his head told him hang out and wait for them while they go out to get some pizza and beer. Perhaps we’ll never know, but it certainly doesn’t stop us from pondering the question.

Still, he’s not the only strange person we’ve had on our block. Down at the last house on the end used to live an old couple. They’re long since gone, but I remember we used to pass by their house and inside their garage we’d see literally case upon case of Dr. Pepper, and piled up right next to it were stacks upon stacks of toilet paper. Never have figured that one out. I mean the Dr. Pepper thing is pretty obvious, but why would you need so much toilet paper?

Then there’s a house, and I can’t remember if it’s right next door to the garage homey’s house or if it’s one or two houses down from it, but it’s been toilet papered at least six or seven times since we moved here. Just the other day as we were driving by, we noticed the tree was full of it again. Kinda makes me wonder if the garage homey didn’t kill that old couple, dispose of them in his garage, stole their toilet paper and now drinks their Dr. Pepper while he’s planning his next toilet paper attack on his neighbor’s house.

I think every neighborhood has their little stories like this. This was mine. Based in truth with fantastic ponderings thrown in for good measure. I will attest to the fact though that my observations of the day to day habits and activities of the garage homey are accurate insomuch as my observations have allowed them to me.

So what are your neighborhood stories? If you’d like to leave a comment with your own strange neighborhood tales, please feel free to do so.