B-Movie Central Cheese Blog

I’ve been meaning to post something about this for a few days now.  That ionic bracelet they advertise on TV…what a load of horse crap that is.  They “prove” it works by grabbing random idiots in a mall and have them stand in one spot while they pull them off balance.  Then they put the bracelet on them and magically, they can’t be pulled off balance again.  Well duh!  I saw through this crap instantly.  When you yank on someone to pull them off balance, of course they’re going to go off balance.  They’re not prepared for the amount of pressure you’re going to apply, so they can’t steady themselves and tighten their muscles to provide the proper resistance to stay balanced.  The second time they know what to expect and they’re ready for it, so it’s easy for them to stay balanced.  Now I’ll bet they’ve sold tons of those stupid things to people thinking, “WOW!!! IT REALLY WORKS!!!”

What they really did was sell it to a bunch of idiots too dim to see through their advertising scam.  I bet the people who bought them tested them out when they got them the same way they did on television, and became instantly convinced it really works!  Sorry to tell you folks.  You got scammed.  Find some random family member and try that balance test on them…twice…and see if they don’t stay balanced the second time, without the bracelet.  Maybe next time you won’t be so quick to believe the scams.  Wish I had come up with it though.  Bet those people are making a fortune off those stupid things.

Got the new issue of Rogue Cinema facing me the day after tomorrow, so tomorrow I have to get five reviews done.  Gonna be a pretty light issue.  I think we’ll only have one interview this time, but I’m not positive about that yet.  Partially my fault I guess.  I could have interviewed someone.  I’ll hit someone up for an interview for the next issue.  I have five reviews I have to write between today and Wednesday before I start work on the issue.  Of the five, I had one that was great, one that was pretty good, one that was boring with annoying characters, and two that flat out sucked.  The boring one and the sucky ones I watched all today, so you can imagine how burned out I’m feeling at the moment.  I can’t wait to do my next B-Movie Central review.  I always have fun doing those.  I’m not sure why I ever took such a huge break from it, but it’s SO awesome to be back doing them again.

Anyway, nothing else much going on here.  Still massively broke and I’m still trying to figure out some way to make money that doesn’t involve scamming people.  Hey, I’m broke, not a crook.   If anyone has any jobs I can do that I can do through telecommuting or just long distance, please let me know.  Also, donations are always welcome.  I do work very hard on my reviews and the upkeep of both B-Movie Central and Rogue Cinema.  Sending me donations for my time and efforts would be very nice way of letting me know you appreciate all my hard work.  There’s a donate button on the main page of B-Movie Central and a donate link in the menu of Rogue Cinema.

Ok, I’m off to shower now.  Sharon’s coming home and I don’t want to knock her back out the door with my wall of stench.

I put this in my Facebook status today.  I know it sounds like a quote from someone, and it is.  It’s a quote from me.  I came up with it.  So if you use it, I get the credit.

They say the world’s oldest profession is prostitution. Not true. The world’s oldest profession is being a politician, as there were tribal leaders long before there was prostitution. I can see where the confusion came in though, as it was the prostitutes who learned their profession from the politicians, who had long before nailed down the finer aspects of being whores.

Wow, I’ve been busy!  Gonna get busier too.  This time it’s Assignment Outer Space.  Next up is Bela Lugosi’s The Devil Bat, but I need to get the next issue of Rogue Cinema out before I start working on it.

Hope you all enjoy the new review!

After years of neglecting the site and suffering from massive burnout due in no small part to my involvement with Rogue Cinema, I have finally found it in myself to breathe new life into the site.  Yes folks, I’m back to reviewing on B-Movie Central!

This time around, 1959′s The Manster.  So head on over and check it out.  Hopefully I haven’t lost the old magic.  If you enjoy it, leave me some comments here or in the B-Movie Central Forums.

In the news today, they reported that girls are hitting puberty earlier and earlier, and now are reaching it at ages as young as seven.

I other news today, the teacher’s union in Milwaukee is demanding that their benefits cover Viagra.

…I’m just sayin’…

Hey folks,

Ok, after a huge hang up last night with the graphics for this issue, it’s finally all posted. Here’s what we have for you this month.

Interviews:

Brooke Lewis
Jim O’Rear
Barbara Stepansky
Kerry Beyer
Lautaro Gabriel Gonda

This Month’s Sleepover Girl:

Super talented Kimberly Amato closes out the summer as our August Sleepover Girl!

Articles:

Philip Smolen loved dinosaurs when he was a kid, which is why he became so obsessed with seeking out every film he could find that had any kind of a dinosaur like creature in it. He was disappointed whe the psycho killer type films started becoming more predominant while the dinosaur monsters he had grown to love were disappearing. It’s his wish that these great old beasties not be forgotten. They should be remembered for the great contribution they made to childrens imaginations around the world. So here are a few of the greats…or not so greats depending on your point of view, that he’d like us all to remember.

It’s Elvis! OMG! He was in jail…and he rocked it! This month, Jason Lockard takes a look back at the wonderful old Elvis Classic, Jailhouse Rock.

Josh Samford takes on the movie critics. Honestly, if it was a fight, he’d kick the crap out of them. Not like they don’t deserve it, but in this case, Josh takes a look at the difference between reviewers and critics and points out why critics are douche bags and reviewers aren’t. That’s because we’re awesome and they suck. YEAH! WE RULE! Aww crap, I got too excited. Now I have to pee. Go read the article while I water the plants.

Josh has been a busy little be this month. In this article, The Importance of Inception, he takes a look at the film and discusses its importance as a beacon of creativity in today’s film scene, which has been rather devoid of interesting ideas and creativity.

James A. Roberson has been providing his comics to us to run for quite a while, but now he’s got a whole new thing where he’s writing humorous short essays based on his comics. He’s planning on putting them into a book at some point, but for right now, he’s sending them to us to run here in the magazine. For his first piece here in the magazine, he’s sent us his take on Terrible Effects.

Another month, another batch of movie mashups from that juggernaut of mashups, Danny Runion. So get yourself some nachos and a Diet Coke and check ‘em out!

Movie Reviews:

A Proper Violence
Born to Fight
Catnapping – Chocolate
Day of Vengeance
Dorm of the Dead
Driver’s Ed Mutiny
Emily in the A.M.
Harvey Putter and the Ridiculous Premise
Leach
Mr. Mullen
Nightmare Alley
Ong bak 2: The Beginning
Operation: End Game
Prince of Swine
Reverie Three
Slime City Massacre
Son of a Seahorse
Sssssss
Suburban Psycho Horror Collection
Terror Inside
The Mis-Adventures of McT & A: The Twilight Spoof
The Shiftling

Book Reviews:

King Baggot: A Biography and Filmography of the First King of the Movies
King of the Movies: Francis X. Bushman
Rudolph Valentino, The Silent Idol: His Life in Photographs

So head on over to Rogue Cinema (http://www.roguecinema.com) and check out all the goodness in this month’s issue.

Hope you all enjoy it!