B-Movie Central Cheese Blog

So what’s a garage homey? Well, there’s a story behind that, and I’m going to tell you that story right now…

About seven or eight houses down from us, there’s another house, followed by a few more houses. No big surprise there as we live in a neighborhood type subdivision. The house in question always has it’s garage door open. Again, no big shockers there. It may be a bit unusual, but certainly nothing noteworthy. What is noteworthy however, is the strange creature that dwells within the dark confines of said garage. The garage homey.

Who is the garage homey? Who knows? Every time we pass his house though, he’s out there standing around in his garage doing nothing. Sometimes he’s smoking a cigarette, sometimes he’s drinking something and still other times he may be on the cordless phone. Generally though, irregardless of whatever accessory activity is involved, he just stands there doing nothing.

What’s surprising about that is that he’s got a really bitchin’ motorcycle in there, also just sitting there doing nothing. So why doesn’t he take it out and go for a ride? Is it like a piece of art or something, to be looked at but never touched? Some days he gets brave and actually emerges just a few steps from the garage, like a groundhog popping out of his burrow to check the weather, but then a short time later he’s right back in there again.

Who is this strange individual, and what dark and sinister forces call out to him, beckoning him to stand in his garage all day long? I don’t know, but it is a question that my wife and I ponder often. Could it be where he disposes of the bodies?  Could it be the home of a portal to another dimension that closed suddenly, leaving him to stand around waiting for the gateway to open up again so he can finally go home?  Or maybe, just maybe, it’s where the voices in his head told him hang out and wait for them while they go out to get some pizza and beer. Perhaps we’ll never know, but it certainly doesn’t stop us from pondering the question.

Still, he’s not the only strange person we’ve had on our block. Down at the last house on the end used to live an old couple. They’re long since gone, but I remember we used to pass by their house and inside their garage we’d see literally case upon case of Dr. Pepper, and piled up right next to it were stacks upon stacks of toilet paper. Never have figured that one out. I mean the Dr. Pepper thing is pretty obvious, but why would you need so much toilet paper?

Then there’s a house, and I can’t remember if it’s right next door to the garage homey’s house or if it’s one or two houses down from it, but it’s been toilet papered at least six or seven times since we moved here. Just the other day as we were driving by, we noticed the tree was full of it again. Kinda makes me wonder if the garage homey didn’t kill that old couple, dispose of them in his garage, stole their toilet paper and now drinks their Dr. Pepper while he’s planning his next toilet paper attack on his neighbor’s house.

I think every neighborhood has their little stories like this. This was mine. Based in truth with fantastic ponderings thrown in for good measure. I will attest to the fact though that my observations of the day to day habits and activities of the garage homey are accurate insomuch as my observations have allowed them to me.

So what are your neighborhood stories? If you’d like to leave a comment with your own strange neighborhood tales, please feel free to do so.

For a long time now I’ve been feeling a distinct lack of focus and have been having an inability to do much of anything because of it. I haven’t done a new review on B-Movie central for ages, I always let my reviews for Rogue Cinema go until the last minute and generally I have to force myself to do anything I need to get done. There are some personal reasons for this that I won’t get into here, but there are some other reasons as well, including the fact that I’m just not happy with my life. I’m not doing anything I truly love to do, or that I feel like I should be doing. Writing has become just another chore for me, and when I have other problems going on, I just can’t face it. Even when things are smooth sailing, I can’t really face it anymore.

What I need is a change. I need to work things out in my life and get myself to a point where I can actually be doing something good with myself. Because of a business I tried to set up last year, I lost about fifteen grand, which basically cost me all the money I could have used to do something else instead. I took a risk and I paid the price for it. Now I have nothing, and I’m stuck. I just don’t know what to do. If anyone has any suggestions, I’m all ears.

I’ve done some websites for people, for which I still haven’t been paid. I’ve done computer work for people, for which I was paid but those jobs are so few and far between as to not even matter. So how do people start with nothing and end up rich? I’d really like to know, because that’s about where I am right now. Damn near rock bottom both personally and financially. If anyone can tell me how to get rich, I’d sure like to hear it, cause being poor sucks.

I do have one positive thing to report. I’ve lost 24 pounds now. I’ve been on this diet of my own creation, and it’s really worked out well for me. I’m dropping weight pretty fast. Basically, I don’t eat or drink anything all day, then at 5:30pm I have whatever I want for dinner and then some fruit and some iced coffee or sugar free iced tea later on around 10:30pm. Then I finish that stuff off and don’t touch anything until 5:30pm again the next day. I’m dropping anywhere from a half pound to two and a half pounds a day. There are days when I stay the same, but generally I lose something each day.

We found this great Mediterranean restaurant here called Mazzeh. They have awesome food, and it’s great for Sharon because she’s from Israel and hasn’t been able to find any good food from over there until now. This place is just phenomenal and the prices are pretty reasonable too.

Anyway, we were sitting in there yesterday, and this guy comes in. Sharon sees me shaking and she looks around to see what I’m laughing at. This guy had come in in a black t-shirt with big white letters on the front that said FLOATER. As soon as she saw him, she knew what I was laughing at and started dying herself. It was likely a shirt that had something to do with floating the Boise River, but for those not familiar with the term, a “floater” is a turd that’s floating on top of the water in the toilet.  It’s also a booger that floats up and down in your nose when you breathe that you have to either pick or blow out to get rid of it.  That’s why we were busting up so bad. I told Sharon that that was #37 on the list of things I can honestly say I never thought I’d see. God that was funny. Obviously he was oblivious to the term, but we weren’t and as such were treated to a long and much needed fit of laughter.

I have no idea what else to write about. My life is so freakin’ boring I really have nothing more to say. People always ask me what’s been going on, and I never have anything to tell them. That’s how boring my life is. Then again, I tend not to talk much anyway. In conversations, I usually listen and only respond when appropriate, and usually with just an “uh huh” or whatever. I’m not a big talker, nor am I someone who likes the sound of their own voice and as such just rambles on endlessly. I’m also not someone who complains about my problems much to other people. My problems are personal to me, and they’re not going to solve them, so I never saw much use in sharing them. I guess if I really wanted to bore someone I could ramble on about them for a while, but I’m not that kind of a person. Every so often I need to get something out, which I tend to do here in my blog. If people want to read it, great…if they don’t, that’s cool too.

I’m sitting here listening to jazz on the radio. I used to hate jazz, but now I find that it relaxes me at night. I tend to stay up all night and sleep during the day, at least generally, so the jazz station on the radio is kinda like a lifeline for me somehow. Not sure why, but when I turn it off, the lack of sound really makes me feel odd. Like I’m in some kind of a vacuum or something. I’m not really sure what I hated about jazz before. I don’t know if it was all the snotty people that listened to it, the crappy bass and drum solos or what it was, but I was just bored to tears by it. It’s funny how our tastes change over the years. I grew up listening to country music because that’s what my family listened to. Then in high school I got into rock and started really hating country. Now I love rock and I like jazz when I want to mellow out.

Anyway, I guess I’ll wrap this up. It’s 4am and I really should get some sleep. I’ll try to post a bit more often and be better about getting new stuff on here. After the next issue of the magazine comes out too I’m going to try to get another review done for BMC. It’s been far too long.

I’m sure their god would be really proud of them for what they did to this girl.  Wouldn’t he?  Atheists and Satanists don’t treat people like this, and supposedly we’re the evil ones.  Riiiiiiight.

These people should all be beaten mercilessly.  I’m glad this family is suing these people.  I hope they ruin ‘em and get assloads of money.  This kind of crap needs to end now.  I feel really sorry for this girl.

Basically, it’s a news report about a girl who’s family was atheist and they moved to this town full of religious idiots.  They basically ran her out of school with lies and screwed her over because she didn’t believe in god.  It’s a really sad story, and anyone with any sense of decency or conscience should be outraged by it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTRDRP2n4Sk

So I’m sitting out on the deck tonight with my awesome wife Sharon, and this radio commercial comes on for some dating site. They were talking about how they have a staff of dating experts who did such and such for their site. So I look at Sharon, and I say the first thing that pops into my head…

“How the hell do you become a dating expert? If you date enough to become a dating expert, then you’re obviously not doing something right.”

Seriously. The whole point of dating is to find someone. People generally don’t “date” all that much after they’re together. The “date” part is just that “getting to know you” stage where you go out a few times so you can decide if you like the person and want to be with them. So if you date a lot, either you suck and people don’t want to be around you for more than a few hours, or you have really crappy taste in men or women…as the case may be.

So when you have a dating site run by “dating experts” who must fall into one of these two categories, then how much confidence can you have in the site and their ability to find you someone compatible?

Here’s how you find someone compatible. Stop being so god damn picky and lower your standards. If you lower your standards enough, then everyone’s compatible! Hell, that’s how my wife got me!

Anyway, in other news…

It’s hotter than a fart in a sauna here. I can’t wait for winter. I despise the summer and all the heat that goes with it. You can’t even go outside without damn near falling over with heat stroke.

Let’s see, is there anything else?

Can’t think of anything. It is late though and my brain’s not functioning at full capacity at the moment. I guess I should go to bed. I’m really beat. I haven’t been sleeping enough lately and it’s really been catching up with me.

So goodnight folks. Until next time, just remember…

Butt cheeks and flags are both at their most majestic when they’re flapping in the wind.

(Come on, give me a break. It’s 1:30 in the morning and it’s the best I could come up with.)

So what’s the connection between these three things? Well, nothing really, except that they’re all things that have been filling my life lately.

Fireworks… A celebration of our nation’s independent, and yet every freakin’ year I have to listen to people setting that crap off all around me, sometimes until 11:30 or later at night. Now I’ve been shooting since I was 8 years old. Loud noises don’t bother me, as long as I’m the one making them. When I have to listen to other people doing it repeatedly until all hours of the night, and have to listen to my dogs barking because they’re pissed off too, it makes for a very tense and unpleasant evening.

See, every night my wife and I go out on the deck, have iced coffee and fruit, play cards, spend time with our dogs and listen to the radio. It’s really relaxing for us and we enjoy doing it. These few days before and after the 4th though totally ruin that for us. Even now, it’s 11:45 and night and there are still loud explosions going on outside. If I have to listen to this much longer, I’m going to go down the street, shove a bottle rocket up someone’s ass and light it. It’s just, and I try not to swear hardly in my block, but it’s just fucking inconsiderate, and whoever’s out there doing it needs a good beat down.

Anyway, that brings me to Jazz. I spent years just hating the hell out of jazz, and to be honest, it’s still not my favorite music by any stretch of the imagination. There’s an AM jazz station on the radio here though, and for the last six months or so I’ve been listening to it at night. I find it really restful to listen to that at night while I’m working on stuff or playing games or whatever. I don’t think I’ll ever really understand some of it though. I mean, I play bass, and I listen to some of the bass solos in these jazz songs and they’re just a mess. It’s like the guys are just running around the neck playing random notes, and yet people seem to think it’s brilliant for some reason. To me it sounds like someone handed a chimp a bass and let him beat on it with a banana. Generally though, most of it is really nice, relaxing music and there’s really nothing better to listen to when you just want to wind down for the evening.

Now on to Jack Benny. For a long time I’ve had a CD pack of Jack Benny radio shows. For those who don’t know, Jack Benny was a classic comedic film actor and radio show star who later took his radio show to television. There was this running joke throughout his career that he was incredibly cheap, and a constant stream of jokes flowed from that. He’s really a super likable guy and a real joy to watch. So I’ve been on this Jack Benny kick lately. We watched one of his films the other day, To Be or Not to Be, and then I selected five volumes of Jack Benny DVDs from Netflix, each with four episodes of his television series. We watched a couple of episodes tonight and they were awesome. I’ve also been listening to the CDs of his old radio show lately and those are really funny as well. I’d like to order the film and the DVDs of his television show, and as soon as I get some money I’m going to. I love classic stuff like that. It reminds me how much nicer things were back then and I find it to be a nice escape from the crappy world we live in today.

As for feeling out of place, I’ve really been feeling it lately. I have absolutely nothing going for me and no prospects in life. I’d love to have a job related to the film industry, but because of where I live, it’s really pretty much out of the question. There’s really nothing film related here and I can’t move because I need to be here to help my parents when they need me, plus my wife really loves her job. So I’m kinda stuck. I really don’t know what to do with myself, but I know I have to do something. I know I should try to make something happen for myself, but one of my biggest handicaps is that I get bored easily. If I’m really into something, I can lock into it and not leave it until I’m finished and everything is perfect. If I’m not into something, I get really bored and really antsy and all I want to do is move onto something else. I’m a highly intelligent and analytical person with great reasoning skills, but because of the way I am, I struggled all through high school and never did much in college. I just couldn’t focus in a classroom environment and learn out of books. That’s why I was such an awesome PC Technician. It was something I could put my hands on and work with in a visual way. It was a challenge for me and every new computer I worked on presented a new challenge. After eight years of doing it though, there was no challenge left. I had seen and fixed pretty much every imaginable problem multiple times, and I just couldn’t face it anymore. Something I loved had become something I dreaded facing every day, and I had to get out. Unfortunately, it was the only thing I ever really did career-wise, and it left me desperately seeking something new to do with my life. I’ve done some websites for people, but web design isn’t really anything I want to do for a living. I just need to figure out my place in this world and then go after it. Unfortunately, my quest to find that place really hasn’t taken me anywhere and I feel just as lost and out of place now as I did when I lost my job over three years ago.

My wife has been unbelievably understanding, and for that and a million other reasons, I love her dearly. I just hope she knows how much. Maybe someday I’ll fall into something that’ll give me some purpose in life. Until then, I’ll just keep loving her and our doggies and doing what I can to feel like I’m actually accomplishing something. I still have the magazine, Rogue Cinema, and I need to work on this site, B-Movie Central more. I’ve got a movie script I need to finish too. I want to get it done before the ICFLM festival this year. Who knows, maybe it’ll actually get made into a movie at some point. Stranger things have happened.

It’s just recently hit the news.  A death bed confession about the UFO crash at Roswell, New Mexico from a military officer who was there and involved.  The affidavit was taken down officially with instructions that it was not to be revealed until his death.  He admitted there were alien bodies recovered as well as a ship, and that any and all witnesses were silenced with not so thinly veiled threats to them and their families.

This guy is about as legit as it gets, so why aren’t people screaming for the government to finally come clean with what’s really going on with UFOs?  Isn’t it about time the truth was revealed?  It’s not like we’re a bunch of ignorant cavemen who can’t handle it.  The world is ready for the truth, and if nothing else, maybe it’ll actually bring the world together and make all the other problems and conflicts seem unimportant.

I’d also like to know why this isn’t getting more massive coverage?  The government will never come clean unless they’re forced to.  The people keeping this secret are like a bunch of earwigs living under a board.  You’ll never know what’s under there unless you lift up the board and let the light shine in to reveal the truth.  The time has come, and it’s time to stop lying to the people of the world.  We know we’ve been visited, so just tell us the truth already and put and end to the secrecy.  It’s no longer serving anyone’s purpose to keep the silence.

Hey everyone,

The new issue of Rogue Cinema is up and running, and there’s all kinds of great stuff this month.

We’ve got:

17 Film reviews
1 CD review
2 Interviews.  (Frank Delle and Phil Herman)

And also the following articles:

An article on creative film marketing.
A tribute to the late Sir Graves Ghastly.
Another installment of It Came from the 50′s.
Another installment of the Movie Blender series.
An article on underground horror.
An article on rewatchable movies.
And a piece on the B Movie Celebration film festival.

There’s also this month’s sleepover girl, Melantha Blackthorne and a new winner of the Rogue Cinema Cinematic Excellence Award.

So head on over and check it out!

http://www.roguecinema.com