My wife Sharon and I were both so excited about seeing last night’s auditions in Seattle. Why? Because on Tuesday night’s auditions, they showed some previews of last night and it looked like a total freak show. Fortunately for us, and unfortunately for the Idol hopefuls in Seattle, we weren’t disappointed.
We watched as one crappy performance followed another, giving us a seemingly endless stream of entertainment that while funny, was also quite sad.
See, out of the 13,000 or so (I think it was,) people who showed up to try out, only about ten or twelve of them had enough talent to get through to the next round. One of them was this 6′ 4″ chick that I personally didn’t think had what it took, but apparently the judges did. My favorites were the half Indian brother and sister who both tried out and both made it. I’m going to really be pulling for them in this competition because they were both really talented.
But back to the freaks. Yes, there were actually people in the tryouts that would qualify as freaks, and Simon even said that one of them looked like a bush baby, which apparently is some kind of a monkey with big eyes. Then there was the guy that the bush baby made friends with out in the waiting area who looked like a weeble and talked like he’d been sucking on helium balloons. And then there was this bizarre chick who was totally dumpy with a bad wig (if it was a wig) and even worse teeth. The crazy part was, she had a mother who looked just like her. Probably the two most unattractive women I’ve ever seen, and the daughter, who was trying out, was completely and utterly talentless. Oh, and we can’t forget Red, the reddest guy ever. Red hair, red beard, red clothes, and REALLY scary eyes. His eyes weren’t the scariest part though. He said he would compare himself to Freddie Mercury and tried to sing Bohemian Rhapsody. Well not only did he mess up the words, but when he “sang” it he sounded like one of Freddie’s cats getting mauled by a pit bull.
Now while this was entertaining and really very funny, it was also sad, and I found myself feeling really bad for these people. Many of them were little more than genetic leftovers who had deluded themselves into thinking they had some sort of talent and basically open themselves to ridicule just by the simple fact that they exist on this planet. Thus, the dilemma that faces me when I see people like that. I feel bad for them because I know what kind of a horrendous life they must have had, full of ridicule and heartbreak. People are cruel to those who are different, and for those on the receiving end of it, it can really destroy you on so many levels that it’s difficult to even comprehend. I myself was on the receiving end of it in school because I was the fat kid. People just suck.
The dilemma kicks in when I see people like this though who have to know that physically they don’t measure up to what’s expected by society of an Idol, and yet put themselves out there on television to be judged by not only Simon, Paula and Randy, but also by the millions upon millions of people who watch the show. Now simply being unattractive doesn’t necessarily mean you can’t be an Idol, but unfortunately those who are unattractive have to have extra levels of talent to overcome their physical shortcomings, basically enthralling people so deeply with their talent that they forget about their appearance and focus more on their ability to perform. It’s not fair, but it is the way of things. The thing with these people though, is that not only were they bizarre physically and wholly unattractive, but they had no talent at all. I want to feel sorry for them because I know that most of the people at home thought of them as little more than the main attractions in a freak show, but I really have a hard time with it because they knew what they looked like and they knew they didn’t measure up talent wise, and yet they put themselves out there in a situation where they basically opened themselves up to the scrutiny.
So am I bad to think they were funny, both physically and because of their complete lack of talent? In a way, I do feel bad. If I had met any of these people in a casual situation or were just introduced to them randomly, I would be very nice to them, and while I may have been put off by their physical appearance or mannerisms, I would never show it openly and would show them the utmost courtesy, treating them as I would any other person. That’s just how I am. I understand human dignity and I treat people with respect no matter what they look like. But these people on the show actually put themselves out there and embarrassed themselves, even though they probably don’t even realize it. I guess that makes them legitimate sources of mirth and I shouldn’t feel bad about laughing at them. Still, somehow I do, but I just can’t seem to help myself.
Aside from the freaks and geeks, there are those who are actually more attractive who, for whatever reason, seem to think they have talent. I don’t know who’s telling them they do, but they’re obviously being lied to. What gets me are the ones who actually get pissed off when the judges flat out tell them they have no talent and should forget about a singing career. The judges are doing them a favor by stopping them from deluding themselves, but so many of these people, their dreams suddenly shattered, actually verbally attack the judges saying that they don’t know what talent is and that they know nothing about singing or whatever. It’s really amazing how deep some people’s delusions run, and yet somehow I think many of them, despite their verbal attacks on the judges, know deep down that the judges were right, and the real reason they’re lashing out is because they just had their dreams shattered. Then again, some of them are just jerks and idiots who did deserve whatever verbal bitch slapping the judges gave them.
In the end, the only two that they showed that were actually any good at all were the two half Indian kids. Everyone else they showed that made it, what few there were, were mediocre at best. I really hope those two kids do well in the competition. I’d love to see them in the top 10 at least. They deserve it.
Next week the auditions are in Memphis, so there’ll probably be a lot of annoying country songs and even more annoying accents. I guarantee though that there’s no way any episode of the show will ever match up to what I saw last night for pure humor and entertainment value.
(Current Mood: sleepy