B-Movie Central Cheese Blog

A 24-year-old man reported to police this morning that he heard gunshots, realized he had been shot in the chest, then tried to remove the bullet with the pointy end of a meat thermometer. The man was in good condition at a hospital Monday. The man, who lives in the 1500 block of South Old Manor, said he heard three gunshots between 2:30 and 3 a.m. Monday, walked out to look around, then realized that he had been wounded in the upper chest, police Sgt. Steve Hiser said. After trying to remove the bullet himself, the man walked to Via Christi Regional Medical Center-St. Joseph Campus and was taken by ambulance to Via Christi Regional Medical Center-St. Francis, where he was initially listed in serious condition and was admitted for observation, Hiser said.

Damn!  Just Damn!!!  How big a sack would you have to have to try to dig a bullet out of your own chest with a meat thermometer???  That guy is one seriously tough mo-fo!

A LAD who only ate chips, toast and baked beans was killed by his junk diet — aged just 20. After years of unhealthy eating, Scott Martin’s liver began to fail, he developed hepatitis and his blood would not clot. Sixteen-stone Scott refused a life-saving liver transplant because he was too scared and was so weak he needed a wheelchair. He finally bled to death after an op to remove three infected teeth.  His devastated family told yesterday how they had tried to get Scott to eat proper food since childhood. His sister Gail Fairweather said: “Scott would never eat any fruit or vegetables. There were only a few things he would eat — McDonald’s chips were his favourite. “He would eat toast — but only if it was made from sliced white Danish bread, with a thin spreading of Lurpak butter. “ He would eat baked beans, but only Morrisons’ own brand and only now and then. “He was always like that, from being little. Finding stuff he would eat was such a struggle.” Scott, of Sunderland, fell ill last year and at first his family thought he had flu. Mum-of-six Gail said: “He was tired all the time and could not walk far. He got out of breath very quickly and could barely get across the room.”  Medics discovered liver problems — although he rarely drank. Scott was sent to a dietician after refusing the transplant — but didn’t like nutritional supplements on offer. Doctors insisted on the teeth op, fearing Scott would be killed by blood poisoning — but afterwards his gums would not stop bleeding. Mum Margaret, 48, said: “The hardest thing is he was so young. I’d do anything to have him back.”

You’d do anything to have him back?  Why the hell didn’t you make him eat a good nutritional diet when he was alive?  What kind of a parent lets their kid eat nothing but chips beans and toast?  What kind of an idiot just eats chips beans and toast anyway?  Man, that kid must have been one long never-ending fart.   Yeah, I know I’m a heartless bastard, but I don’t know what these people expected to happen.  And let that be a lesson to you about eating McDonald’s food.  Eat at McDonald’s and you’ll get bleeding gums and end up dead!  Either that or you’ll get the runs.  Either way it sucks.

OAKLAND, Calif. (AP) — Piles of goose poop at a city lake have officials struggling to find a way to clean up the mess for picnicking parkgoers. Full-time resident Canada geese arrived at the city’s Lake Merritt in 1954 when several injured birds were introduced to the refuge. Their numbers have exploded in the past 20 years to at least 200 regulars, with some 2,000 geese descending on the park each summer, according to the National Audubon Society. “Each bird produces about a pound of poop a day — that’s literally a ton each day,” said Stephanie Benavidez, head naturalist at the Lake Merritt Wildlife Refuge. It’s a staggering problem that has Oakland and other cities trying to figure out how to chase away the geese without running afoul of the Federal Migratory Bird and Endangered Species acts that protect many of the birds that live alongside the geese at Lake Merritt, which covers 150 acres. “The goose droppings on the lawn have pretty much made the lawns unusable to families who want to have picnics or use the park with their children,” said Councilwoman Pat Kernighan, who represents the area. “It’s very hard for people to use the park for recreation.” Some cities have tried planting grass varieties that Canada geese won’t eat, or spraying lawns with chemicals geese find distasteful. Others have tried erecting fences to keep the geese out of areas reserved for people. Chasing the birds away is another popular trick. Cities hire firms with names like Goosebusters or Wild Goose Chase, which use dogs — trained to harass, not harm, geese — to chase the birds away. But critics worry that using dogs in Oakland could harm other bird species, such as egrets, mallards and herons.

Now I’m originally from California and I really can’t see what these people are complaining about.  Both San Fransisco and Oakland have been full of crap for years.  They should be used to it by now.

Favorite Fark headline of the day:

Courtney Love to sell Cobain catalogue for $100 million. No word yet on how much cocaine and clown makeup that will buy

Funny joke I heard today:

Q: If a girl with big tits works at Hooters, where does a girl with one leg work?

A: ihop

MEXICO CITY (Reuters) – Vandals who broke into and wrecked a northern Mexican primary school over the Christmas holidays were thoughtful enough to leave the photocopied mug shot of one of their gang at the scene of the crime. Mexican television showed a black-and-white print on Tuesday of the squashed, chubby face and hands of a young boy. The photocopy was made at the school in the northern city of Monterrey and left among smashed chairs and torn books. Headmistress Maria del Rosario Gomez told Televisa news it was the third time the school had been vandalized, and said some of her own pupils were likely to blame.

Jeez, why didn’t he just do a tap dancing act in front of a security camera.  At least that would have been more entertaining than a mug shot.

FORT SUMNER, N.M. — A small town rumor that sparked world wide interest about a mouse burning down a house has been found to be untrue.After 81-year-old Chano Mares’s house burned down Saturday in Fort Sumner, news services picked up the quirky story.”Flaming Mouse Burns Down House” read the headline over an Associated Press story that appeared on TheNewMexicoChannel.com, for example.  According to the initial report, Mares threw the critter in a pile of burning leaves near his home, but it ran back to the house on fire.A local firefighter said the mouse ran to just beneath a window and the flames spread up the window and throughout the house.All contents of the home were destroyed, but no one was injured.Interest in fires has been high lately. Unseasonably dry and windy conditions have charred more than 53,000 acres and destroyed 10 homes in southeastern New Mexico in recent weeks.The mouse story, however, has been doused by Mares.”It’s really humorous more than anything that a mouse burned down the house,” he told KOAT-TV. Thing is, the mouse was dead when it hit the burning leaves.Mares said he trapped and killed the critter and tossed it on the fire.The flames, he said, probably reached his house because they were driven by high winds.Capt. Jim Lyssy of the Fort Sumner Fire Department said the rumor probably got started because there was “a little too much excitement” at the time of the fire.Mares lost everything — and has no insurance — but the mouse story still makes him smile.”I started laughing, and I’ll be laughing from now on,” he said. “It’s silly.”

And that’s what really happened.  How the hell anyone got that story so wrong is beyond me.

DOPY Gary Telford showed drunken pals how he caught his manhood in a mouse trap — and did it again. Pub manager Gary, 32, was in agony after the party piece went wrong. Amazingly it was the SECOND time he has been taken to casualty after getting his privates mangled in the stunt. The first accident happened at the age of 14 when a schoolboy prank went wrong. He needed 14 stitches to fix his wounded willy. When regulars at The Railway pub in Ipswich, Suffolk, heard about Gary’s painful past they egged him on to show them what happened. A pal put a mouse trap on a pool table for the demonstration — but Gary tripped as he walked towards it with his manhood hanging out. Last night Gary said: “I was quite drunk so I undid my flies and walked over to the trap. I really didn’t mean to set the trap off again but I stumbled and it went. I must be the only bloke in Britain to have caught my bits in a mousetrap not once but twice. “It is completely and utterly embarrassing. “Luckily I only nipped the end of my privates but I still had to go to casualty for a tetanus injection. “The nurses thought it was hilarious — especially when they realised it was my second visit for the same accident.”

Um…ouch.

http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/060109/480/nyet27501091906

Oh man, you gotta see this. There’s a picture. Creepy!

The Hamilton County Coroner says a body found in a Madisonville home last week had been in the home for two and a half years. In a Monday news conference, Dr. O’dell Owens said the body of 61-year-old Johannas Pope sat in an easy chair in the upstairs of the Davies Place home since August 2003. The body was in the home with Pope’s caregiver, Kathy Painter, an adult daughter and her three-year-old granddaughter. According to Dr. Owens, the caregiver left the air conditioning running on the second floor of the home, allowing the body to slowly decay and mummify. Dr. Owens says the deceased believed when she died she would come back to life and her caregiver wanted to honor that wish. The cause of death is still undetermined. Dr. Owen’s says each day the caregiver would check in on the deceased, spraying away flies and maggots, and sometimes turning on the TV. “The caregiver felt this woman may come back,” said Dr. Owens. “She felt at one time the nose and the ear were gone and the nose and ear reappeared.” “I think what happened, when you have maggots on your nose and ear you may look at the body and not think they are there. Then, when [the maggots] die it’s there. I think it may have given her false hope she was going to come back,” said Dr. Owens. Dr. Owens says the caregiver wasn’t the only one who knew about the body. Pope’s daughter, granddaughter and four other relatives also knew according to owens but didn’t report it. Once the complete autopsy report is done, the prosecutor will look at the case to see if charges would be warranted.

Yeah, I think the whole flies and maggots thing would probably be a good indication she wasn’t coming back. Well, that and the fact that she basically mummified over the course of two and a half years. I wonder if they dressed her up as Santa and let the children sit on her lap at Christmas?

FORT SUMNER, N.M. –A mouse got its revenge against a homeowner who tried to dispose of it in a pile of burning leaves. The blazing creature ran back to the man’s house and set it on fire. Luciano Mares, 81, of Fort Sumner said he caught the mouse inside his house and wanted to get rid of it. “I had some leaves burning outside, so I threw it in the fire, and the mouse was on fire and ran back at the house,” Mares said from a motel room Saturday. Village Fire Chief Juan Chavez said the burning mouse ran to just beneath a window, and the flames spread up from there and throughout the house. No was hurt inside, but the home and everything in it was destroyed. Unseasonably dry and windy conditions have charred more than 53,000 acres and destroyed 10 homes in southeastern New Mexico in recent weeks. “I’ve seen numerous house fires,” village Fire Department Capt. Jim Lyssy said, “but nothing as unique as this one.”

You know, it serves this guy right. All he had to do was walk it somewhere a bit away and release it. Throwing it in the fire was just cruel and inhuman. That’s what he gets for being a heartless jerk.