B-Movie Central Cheese Blog

ROSENBERG, Texas — Rosenberg police are searching for more possible victims of a man they say exposed himself at the same bakery twice before he was arrested when he returned for a third time, investigators told Local 2 Monday. Officers said the man first went to the Trinity Bakery, located at 909 Sixth St., on June 14. “The man walked in and knelt down and acted like he was going to tie his shoes. But instead, he exposed his private parts,” employee Viridiana Aroche said through a translator. She said it happened on different days. She works in the Mexican pastry shop alone and said she did not know what to do. The man left after buying some pastries. When he returned, he came face-to-face with a detective. “He had just walked in the store and the detective was showing mug shots of possible suspects and then walked in and the clerk said, ‘That’s him,’” said Terrol Rees, with the Rosenberg Police Department. Real Freeman Ransom II, 66, was arrested and charged with indecent exposure, a Class B misdemeanor. His bond was set at $4,000.

I don’t see why everyone got so upset. All he wanted to do was to help them make donuts. (Yeah, it’s an old joke, but a good one.)

Zimbabwe has suggested the UK and US are to blame for droughts in southern Africa. The Herald said climate change has been artificially induced “in a bid to arm-twist the region to capitulate to the whims of the world’s superpowers”. It said weather was being manipulated for political gain using unspecified “unconventional” chemical weapons. It is widely seen as a mouthpiece for President Robert Mugabe’s government, correspondents say. It said recent droughts, which defied predictions by the Zimbabwean government and the Southern African Development Community’s Drought Monitoring Centre, pointed to the possibility of the weather being manipulated for political purposes. “The overt and covert machinations by Zimbabwe’s former colonial ruler Britain, which has declared its intentions to effect illegal regime change in Harare, have given credence to the conspiracy theory,” the paper said. It said that the US Famine Early Warning System had predicted famine in Zimbabwe six months before it occurred. “The prediction, which was the exact opposite of other forecasts, seems to confirm that the conspiracy to remove the Zimbabwean government has gone chemical.” Zimbabwe is currently facing a food crisis and the country urgently needs to import 1.2 million tonnes of food to avoid famine. Correspondents say the crisis is complex with erratic rains, disastrous economic policies, land reform and the spread of HIV/Aids all playing a part.

Oh yeah, we’re totally responsible. Now what are you gonna do about it tough guy?

KUALA LUMPUR, Malaysia (AP) – The head of a Malaysian state government has ordered his coalition’s legislators to learn how to catch snakes so that they can help people in distress, a newspaper reported Tuesday. This is not the first time Syed Razak Syed Zain, the chief minister of Kedah state, has issued down-to-earth orders. He has made it mandatory for the ruling Barisan Nasional coalition lawmakers to learn paramedic skills, to perfect land and water rescue techniques, eat healthy food and to stay fit. “Elected representatives must pass the acid test of being able to help people in distress, including knowing how to catch snakes, perform first aid and carry out rescue missions,” Syed Razak was quoted as saying by the Star newspaper. It said he has made it mandatory for the Barisan assemblymen to join the Civil Defense Force, to acquire such skills. “I want leaders and officers to know what to do when they come across accidents or drowning cases. Otherwise they will be standing there watching helplessly as victims cry for help,” he was quoted as saying. Syed Razak, an honorary colonel in the Civil Defense Force, also invited the opposition Islamic party assemblymen to join the force.

Oh our Malaysian cousins… Aren’t they silly? Tell you what though. I’d like to see the elected politicians here have to learn how to do that. The democrats would all wet themselves and the republicans would be like, “I’ll be right back. Light the barbeque!”

A man who set up a stall on a busy high street to advertise for a girlfriend says his faith in human nature has been restored by the experience. Self-confessed cynic Jeremy Butler, 32, did not get a negative comment during his 18 hours on Crouch End High Street in north London at the weekend. He says he was congratulated on his courage by members of both sexes. Mr Butler got a whopping 93 phone numbers, and has already gone out on a date with one woman. The 32-year-old has not had a serious girlfriend since moving to London four years ago and said he found people in the city unapproachable. So he decided to take a more direct approach, handing out fliers and standing next to a 3m-tall banner reading: “Girlfriend wanted, apply here”. He told BBC News: “I had got to the point, not just with women, where I was so disappointed with people’s reactions when I spoke to them but the experience just shattered them. “People went out of their way to talk to me, and seemed genuinely interested in it. “It really has changed my outlook on life.” On his list of telephone numbers he said: “It definitely beats going down the pub”. Mr Butler says his confidence has been boosted and he even managed to get one number when he went to the pub on the Saturday night.

Man, back when I was alone and really lonely, I wish I’d have thought of something like this. It’s one of those things that when you see someone else doing it, you smack yourself in the head and say, “DOH! Why didn’t I think of that???” Oh well, I did find someone and I’ve been happily married for the last 8 years. If she ever decides she’s had enough of me though, I sure know what I’ll be doing.

MULTAN, Pakistan – Seven Pakistani police officers have been fired after media reports that they sewed shut a prisoner’s lips to stop him from shouting insults at them, an official said on Saturday. A deputy inspector-general of police, Malik Mohammed Iqbal, said he fired the officers Saturday after receiving a report about the alleged incident Thursday at a lockup in Vehari town, about 60 miles east of the city of Multan. However, Iqbal said it was “yet to be determined who actually sewed the lips of the prisoner,” whom he identified as Mohammed Hussain. Iqbal said the inmate “initially accused police of torturing him and sewing his lips” but later “changed his statement and said he sewed up his lips with his own hand.” “This is a sensitive matter, and we will do justice with him (Hussain) if police were found guilty of torturing him,” Iqbal said. He said officers will submit a final report about the incident to him within the next several days. Pakistan’s largest-circulation English-language newspaper, The News, reported Saturday that police sewed Hussain’s lips when he “protested the police torture and used filthy language against the policemen who were torturing him.” Also Saturday, Ifat Pasha, a doctor who treated the prisoner, said he saw four stitches on the man’s lips. “I think somebody did this thing to him,” the doctor said. The torture of inmates and suspects at police stations is common in Pakistan, but no official was punished in 2004-05 for such abuse, according to this year’s report by the independent Human Rights Commission of Pakistan.

All I could think of is, there’s a hell of a lot of celebrities I’d like to send to Pakistan. Jerks.

BRUSSELS (Reuters) – Belgium plans to stop Boy Scouts from slaughtering chickens and other small animals at summer camp, despite Scout leaders’ defence of the practice as a lesson in wilderness survival. The Health Ministry said in a statement issued on Monday that one Scout group had refused to stop teaching its lads how to carry out the bloody task even after complaints from parents. “These kids have to be taught how to kill an animal in order to feed themselves,” the ministry quoted one of the group’s representatives as saying. However, the ministry took the view that the Scouts learnt nothing from using animals in this way.

You know I read this and I thought, “Why can’t they teach them using fake chickens?” But then I had another thought. Why don’t they teach them how to kill and eat people so they can survive after a plain crash or on the top of some mountain somewhere where they’re stuck in the snow and have to eat other members of their party to survive. Now THAT would be a good lesson.

PELHAM – A flammable liquid accidentally thrown on an outdoor fireplace grill caused a backyard explosion that sent five people, including an 8-year-old boy, to the hospital, fire officials said. The injuries were not serious. Officials say the group was gathered around the fireplace that blew apart outside a home on Friday night. Most of the injuries were caused by flying debris and glass, officials said. The force of the explosion damaged the rear of the house and blew out several windows.

How do you “accidentally” dump gas or whatever into a lit barbeque. Jeez, now not only are the burgers well done, but so are the people and the house!

Pop superstar MADONNA has given her eight-year-old daughter LOURDES her own credit card with a $10,000 (GBP5,500) limit, according to a US magazine. Friends say the MATERIAL GIRL hopes the exercise will teach Lourdes to appreciate the value of money. A pal tells IN TOUCH WEEKLY, “Minors are not usually allowed credit cards so she had to pull a few strings to get it issued in Lourdes’ name. “She is hoping to teach Lourdes to be responsible with money.”

I’m sure all the poor people are just thrilled to read about Lourdes’ fancy new credit card. Wouldn’t it be funny if she used it to buy candy and blimped up to 800 pounds? No? Neither is giving an 8 year old a credit card with a $10,000 limit you moron.

ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — Two Albuquerque police officers trying to keep the peace at an Albuquerque hotel Saturday night ended up in a fight with two men at a party. According to court documents, the fight began in a third-floor room just before midnight Saturday, where a loud party drew the attention of police. Most of the 16 partiers complied with orders to break it up, but two men became unruly, according to police. “One of them kicked one of the officers in the groin area, and one of them kicked another officer in the face,” said Trish Hoffman, of the Albuquerque Police Department. “Both officers sustained cuts and bruises.” Police used a Taser gun three times on one man and pepper spray in the face of another in an attempt to subdue them. Police said that at one point the battle turned very ugly on the room’s balcony. “One of the officers said that at some point there was a possibility that he could have been shoved off over the edge,” Hoffman said. Still showing the scars of their Saturday encounter, Jason Michael McCartney, 30, and Rudy Silva, 25, of Los Lunas faced the judge Monday on charges they hit police. Authorities said neither man has a police record, so they remain free on $5,000 bond. Prosecutors have until Aug. 19 to indict the pair. Both men are charged with felony battery of a police officer.

I wonder what what point this ever seemed like a good idea? These guys deserved what they got. Jerks.

CHIPPEWA FALLS, Wis. An insistent letter-writer from Stanley has been criminally charged after confronting a newspaper owner who wouldn’t publish his letter. Fifty-one-year-old William Hoffstatter is accused of misdemeanor battery and four counts of disorderly conduct. Hoffstatter allegedly stopped the owner of the Stanley Republican on June 2nd outside the newspaper office. The man allegedly insulted the owner, John McLoone, and then prevented him from entering the office. The man’s letter was about alleged poor medical treatment for his daughter. Hoffstatter is accused of poking the owner about 10 times in the chest with his fingers. He could be sentenced to more than a year in jail.

You know, stuff like this just irritates me. Why the hell would you put someone in jail for poking some guy in the chest? Now if he had beat him with a baseball bat, then fine, but a few pokes in the chest? Jeez, come on people, let’s get some perspective here.