B-Movie Central Cheese Blog

New Delhi, May 30: WHEN an ACP called up a head constable posted with the Police Control Room unit on Saturday night to rush him to a crime spot, this is what he got instead — a 10-minute tirade of abuse. The shocked ACP listened, as did the rest of Delhi Police, as the head constable used the choicest of expletives till he was stopped by the staff of other PCR vans who rushed to him after being ordered by seniors to reach the spot and bring him under control. Head constable Munni Lal’s defence: ‘‘It was his son’s birthday so he had consumed alcohol that night, but otherwise he had never misbehaved on duty’’. The head constable, Munni Lal, has been suspended with immediate effect. The incident, which played out on the wireless as the entire force tuned in, has been viewed very seriously by the Delhi Police top brass ‘‘as it not only sets a bad precedent for others but makes a mockery of the disciplinary force that the Delhi Police touts itself to be’’, a senior officer said. The incident comes after the suspension of six PCR van cops after they failed to intercept a car in ‘Operation Black Rose’ carried out after the Dhaula Kuan gangrape. The incident took place on Saturday night and Lal was accompanied by two other officers in the van posted in the south district and on duty between Mehrauli and Aaya Nagar. ‘‘There was a PCR call and since this particular PCR was the nearest, it was directed to reach the spot and report back the details,’’ the officer said. Instead, Lal abused his senior on the wireless. When he did not stop for the next 10 minutes, other PCRs in the neighbouring areas were told to rush to it. All three policemen in the van were taken to AIIMS. ‘‘Lal was found to be under heavy influence of alcohol and we have suspended him,’’ DCP A.K. Singh (incharge of PCR unit), told Newsline.

Obviously this guy is a moron, but you just know all the other cops were sitting there bustin’ up laughing until someone finally ordered them to go in and stop him. I know I would have been.

KUALA LUMPUR: A cellphone salesman was charged in a magistrate’s court yesterday with having a laptop containing a movie taken from a pornographic website. Lim Puay Huat, who claimed trial, is the first person to be prosecuted in Malaysia for an offence related to a pornographic website. The 21-year-old from Jalan Air Panas Baru, Setapak, was charged under the Film Censorship Act. He allegedly had in his possession a laptop containing the pornographic movie in 3GP (video for mobile phones) and RM (Real Media video) file formats. He was said to have committed the offence at The Cellphone sales counter in front of a shoe shop at No. G20, Pertama Complex in Jalan Tuanku Abdul Rahman here at 5.55pm on Tuesday. If found guilty, he can be fined up to RM50,000 and jailed up to five years under Section 5(1)(a) of the Act. Prosecuting officer Chief Inspector Vasu Appu asked the court to impose a RM10,000 bail on Lim in view of the gravity of the offence. “This is clearly reflected in the serious attention given by the Government to curb the offence. “It has become very unhealthy now that even children can have access to pornographic material,” he said. He then pointed out to the court a recent news article splashed prominently in The Star about the existence of 1.5 million pornographic websites that could be easily accessed. He said that in the article Deputy Prime Minister Datuk Seri Najib Tun Razak said the authorities were mulling over the possibility of introducing a censorship mechanism to block access to such sites by surfers. Lim, who pleaded for a lower bail, was not represented. Magistrate Mohd Khairi Haron set a RM8,000 bail on Lim. He set June 29 for mention.

Oh yes, the world will be brought to its knees and the armageddon will come all because someone had the nerve to download some pornography. People need to get over themselves and stop being such a bunch of morons about porn. Sexuality is a natural human desire, and to suppress that will only cause more problems than they know what to do with. Facist jerks!

MEADVILLE, Pa. – A man was accidentally killed by a sledgehammer his son-in-law was swinging at a bat that had flown into the home they shared, police said. Francis V. Mercier, 66, of East Mead Township, was hit in the head Friday by the three-pound hammer as his son-in-law, D. J. Delancey, was trying to kill the animal with it. Delancey and his wife had moved into Mercier’s home a few years ago, neighbors said. Delancey accidentally struck Mercier, who was standing behind him, about 1 a.m. Friday, police said. Results of an autopsy performed Saturday were not immediately available. But police and Crawford County Coroner Patrick McHenry said the death appeared to be an accident.

Jeez, I’ll have to remember this if I ever get nailed for killing someone with a sledge hammer. “Oh it was just an accident officer. I was really just swinging it at a bat.” Sheesh!

TRENTON, N.J. – What chance do the New Jersey Devils give a proposal that would give the pro hockey franchise a less demonic name? Think hell freezing over. “I can assure you the Devils name will never change, and I think there are more important things to be thinking about than something that will never happen,” team CEO Lou Lamoriello said. “It’s who we are and what we want to be.” State Assemblyman Craig Stanley is taking issue with a satanic symbol representing the state’s National Hockey League team, which has won three Stanley Cup championships. “This is an age where symbolism is very important,” said Stanley, a Baptist deacon whose resolution to rename the team is to be introduced in the Assembly next month. A new name would be chosen in a statewide competition. Stanley’s legislative district includes parts of Newark, where the Devils are scheduled to move into a $310 million, 18,000-seat downtown arena in September 2007, from the Meadowlands sports complex in East Rutherford. “I’ve always cringed when people say they’re going to see the Devils,” said Stanley. “The merchandise, the paraphernalia is based on the actual demonic devil. Personally, it causes a little bit of an issue with me.” The team’s mascot is red, cartoonish figure with horns and a goatee. However, the team’s name, chosen in a 1982 fan contest, comes from the mythical Jersey Devil, not the Christian symbol of the antichrist, according to Weird N.J., a travel guide to the state’s most offbeat attractions. The mythical Jersey Devil — with bat-like wings, a forked tail and oversized claws — was said to terrorize Pine Barrens dwellers in the 18th-century after being born the 13th child to poor South Jerseyans and morphing into a dinosaur-like beast. Acting Gov. Richard J. Codey agrees that the name should stay as is. Team owner Jeff Vanderbeek gave the proposal a less-than-enthusiastic reception. “He’s hellbent on keeping the Devils name,” Stanley said.

Oh yeah, that’s important. This is why religious idiots like this should never be elected to political office. They always pick the wrong crap to worry about. I don’t know what he’s worried about though. Seems like no one plays hockey anymore anyway. Wouldn’t it be nice if sports teams would just play the damn game and quit going out on strike to get more of what they already get too much of already?

LONDON (AP) — It’s a case of the cat that got the cheese. And at a price. A British cheese company said Thursday that a small piece of their special blend of extra-strong cheddar cheese, branded “TNT,” had sold on the Internet auction site eBay for $278. “It works out at more than $916 a kilogram, so that’s an expensive piece of cheese,” said Richard Clothier of cheese company Wyke Farms (search) of Somerset, southern England. And Clothier said the successful bidder, known only by his eBay login name of “Huggysdad,” plans to feed the pricey cheddar to his cat. “Huggy is apparently the name of his cat, who loves cheese,” Clothier said. “He has obviously got lots of money and just wanted his cat to have the best cheese possible. “I’m slightly offended that someone would feed our best cheddar to a cat, but if you pay $916 a kilogram for it you are entitled to do what you want,” he said.

I got a better idea. How about we beat the snot out of this idiot, take all his money away from him (since he obviously has too much) and then feed his cat to a big ol’ freakin’ dog? What an idiot.

ELKHART, Ind. (AP) — Police Cpl. Mike Swygart said he did not believe it at first when someone told him two men were making a drug deal next to his patrol car. Swygart said he was on a break having a cup of coffee last Friday night when a person told him what was going on outside. “I laughed because I thought no one would be so foolish as to handle illegal drugs next to a police car,” Swygart wrote in his report. “He looked at me and told me that he was not joking.” Swygart walked outside and spotted two men in a car parked next to the squad car, holding what appeared to be bags of marijuana. “I opened the passenger side door and shouted, ‘Police, don’t move!’ Both suspects dropped the baggies and let them fall on the front seat,” he said. Officers detained the two men and reported seizing two small bags of marijuana as well as some drug paraphernalia and pills.

Yeah, and after that they were going to go light something on fire right next to an arson investigator. Then, when they got their kicks doing that, they were going to go shoplift something right in front of two security guards. Idiots.

There is a menace lurking in British homes — the common kitchen knife. Citing a rash of stabbings across Britain, three physicians wrote in a British Medical Journal article published Friday that the large pointed knife beloved by chefs both professional and amateur was needlessly deadly and should be replaced by safer, blunter counterparts. “The long pointed kitchen knife is an easily available, potentially lethal weapon, particularly in the domestic setting,” wrote lead author Dr. Emma Hern of West Middlesex University Hospital in London. Short knives, Hern and her colleagues Drs. Will Glazebrook and Mike Beckett wrote, generally caused only superficial wounds, but long pointed blades slip into human flesh in a way akin to “cutting into a ripe melon.” The doctors proposed a simple solution — outlawing pointed choppers and slicers. “Government action to ban the sale of such knives,” they wrote, “would drastically reduce their availability over the course of a few years.” Reaction from professional chefs in Britain was less than enthusiastic. “Kitchen knives are designed for a purpose,” the head of the Edinburgh, Scotland, Restaurateurs Association told The Scotsman newspaper. “It would be like asking a surgeon to perform an operation with a bread knife instead of a scalpel.” In America, where deadly weapons tend to be more sophisticated, leading authorities thought the proposed British ban was cute. “Are they going to have everybody using plastic knives and forks and spoons in their own homes, like they do in airlines?” Wayne LaPierre, executive vice president of the National Rifle Association (search), asked The New York Times. “Can sharp stick control be far behind?” wondered LaPierre’s erstwhile opponent, Peter Hamm of the Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence. New York celebrity chef Anthony Bourdain, not known for mincing words, was both blunt and sharp-tongued. “This is yet another sign of the coming apocalypse,” he told the Times. “Where there is no risk, there is no pleasure.”

You know, what that last guy said is true. I don’t know about those schmucks over in the UK, but I personally don’t want to live in a society sanitized of all potential danger. What’s the point in living if there’s no chance anything bad will ever happen? Risk is what makes life exciting. As far as these idiots are concerned, they can take something blunt and stick it where the sun don’t shine. Jerks.

TUPELO, Miss. — A conservative Christian group has ended its nine-year boycott against the Walt Disney Co. The American Family Association, based in Mississippi, launched its strike in response to what leaders perceived as the erosion of the company’s squeaky-clean image. The group specifically rejected Disney’s extension of benefits to domestic partners of gay employees, promotion of gay-related events at its theme parks and violent and sex-filled content of movies made by its Miramax subsidiary. But now the association’s president said it’s time to move on, saying there are “so many other issues” that need attention. He added that the announcement is not an endorsement of Disney, just an end to the boycott “as a ministry agenda item.” The boycott had a limited impact. Disney has reported higher earnings, citing increased attendance at its theme parks and strong performance from its film studio and ABC television network.

You know, religious people are supposed to love they neighbor and hate the sin but love the sinner and crap like that. So how come they’re such jerks when it comes to gay people? Gay people are their neighbors, and even if they consider them sinners, they should still care about them shouldn’t they? It’s just another case of religious hypocrisy. Gay people live here and pay taxes and should have every right every other American does and be treated equally. Being gay isn’t a choice for gay people, it’s the way they were born. So are you idiots saying that God purposely created gay people just for you all to discriminate against? What if they were boycotting Disney because they allowed black people in their parks? How well would that go over? It’s the same thing. Now I’m not a fan of Disney in the least, but when something’s wrong, I tell it like it is. And this was just wrong.

During one of the mayor’s recent neighborhood roundtables — during which residents can talk to Mayor Coleen Seng about pressing issues in their neighborhood — the hot topic was (drum roll, please)… couches. More specifically, couches on porches. Not to mention Lazyboys and other recliners or sectionals that have migrated outdoors. What is the deal with people who are inspired to put their plaid couch on the front porch? And what can the city do to stop them? That’s what these people wanted to know. Lincoln doesn’t have a city ordinance banning upholstered furniture on porches. “We have been harping about this for so many years,” said Carol Brown, board member of the Neighborhood Alliance and the meeting moderator. “We get the run-around all the time on that issue.” She said there’s been talk of wooing upholstered furniture away from porches with an offer to buy the homeowner plastic patio furniture. (But would people who just want new patio furniture be inspired to put a couch on the porch?) “We can’t seem to get anyone to take the ball and run with it,” Brown said. (Or at least throw it at people with couches on their porches.) Ed Caudill, president of the North Bottoms association, said on the way to the mayor’s meeting, he passed three porches decorated with upholstered chairs. He said he’s written letters asking couch offenders to cease and desist, but about the time he convinces one homeowner to give up the porch furniture, there’s another one. “They breed,” he said. Urban Development manager Wynn Hjermstad said “trashy” porch couches are often a problem in college towns, and attempts to dissuade porch offenders have gone nowhere. The problem can’t be attacked from a public health perspective unless there are vermin or critters in couches, she said. “It’s a big issue to a number of neighborhoods,” she said. “I don’t think it’s going to go away.” Lincoln Councilwoman Patte Newman agreed, saying, “It’s something that everybody’s been talking about for years and years and years” to no avail. But she reminded the group that when the Boulder, Colo., City Council considered an upholstered furniture ban in 2001, people dragged their couches into the streets and burned them. Although their passion was partly ignited by a Big 12 Championship win, college students were incensed when the city threatened to end their couch-on-the-porch tradition. (Perhaps the Lincoln City Council could prevent such rioting in the streets by passing an ordinance in the summer, when there wouldn’t be as many college students around to notice.) Brown said neighborhoods plan to invite some landlord organizations to discuss the issue again at a future mayoral roundtable.

And why exactly is it anyone’s business if people want to put couches and such on their front porch? Gee, and here I thought “private property” actually meant something in this country. Man, if I had a couch on my porch and someone sent me a “cease and desist” letter, I’d find them, bend them over, and shove my foot so far up their butt that their breath would smell like shoe polish. This is just another example of a bunch of busybody jerks sticking their noses into other people’s business, and they need to get a good ol’ fashioned beatdown for it. Jerks.

DALTON, Ga. (AP) A Chatsworth man has been charged with using a church’s banking information to buy Internet porn. Robbie Lee Ritchie was indicted Thursday by a Murray County grand jury on 12 counts of financial identity fraud. Authorities say Ritchie used a bank account number belonging to Central Church of Christ in Dalton to access pornography Web sites numerous times last summer. Ritchie was in the Murray County Jail yesterday on a 25-thousand-dollar bond. The church did NOT respond to questions from The Daily Citizen newspaper in Dalton. It was unclear whether Ritchie is a member of the church. If convicted, Ritchie could face one to ten years in prison on each count and a fine up to 100-thousand-dollars.

Obviously you’re going to get caught eventually when you do something like this, so he was stupid for doing it, but I applaud his creativity in using some church’s money to do it. If you’re gonna get porn, why not let God pay for it. God’s the one that gave you the desires in the first place right? Well let him pay for it then. I don’t believe in god, but still, the church should look at it that way since they think god created everything. Plus, aren’t they supposed to be forgiving and stuff? They should just let this guy off the hook and forgive him. But then again, that would mean they’d have to not be hypocritical for five minutes, and I don’t think they could handle that.