B-Movie Central Cheese Blog

An allegedly drunk driver with a taste for trickery failed to foil a police breathalyzer machine after stuffing his mouth full of feces. “I don’t think alcohol alone would make you do something as disgusting as that,” South Simcoe Police Insp. Tom McDonald said. “I’ve never heard of anything like this before,” the 28-year veteran said. Arrested Sunday after his Ford pickup truck was pulled over on Hwy. 11 in Stroud, the 59-year-old driver was loaded into a cruiser and taken to a South Simcoe Police station for testing. En route, Sgt. James Buchanan said, the prisoner vomited, urinated and defecated in the squad car. At the station the man grabbed a handful of his own waste “and placed it in his mouth, attempting to trick the breathalyzer machine,” he said. It didn’t work, Buchanan said. The machine registered two readings of more than twice the legal blood alcohol limit. The man was charged with impaired driving and driving over the limit and was released on a promise to appear in a Bradford court on May 12.

All I got to say is…ugh!

SAN DIEGO – The hunt is on for a turd burglar. Police in San Diego are searching for a gunman who swiped a bag of poop from a woman out walking her dog. The woman told police that she was out walking her dog, Misty, on Monday night when a man in his 20s ran up behind her and grabbed the bag she was holding. When the gunman discovered what was in it, he threw it down in disgust, pointed his gun at the 32-year-old woman and demanded money, San Diego police detective Gary Hassen said. He then aimed his .22-caliber semiautomatic at Misty and pulled the trigger twice but the gun didn’t fire, Hassen said. The robber ran to a waiting small, silver car and fled the scene, police said.

Now if this moron had killed this dog he’d have been my ass hole of the day, but since he didn’t, I get to laugh at the fact that the scumbag ended up with nothing but a bag of dog poo. Now here in Idaho, I have a concealed weapons permit, and I carry quite often. So if this guy had done it to me and I was carrying, the second he pulled out that gun, he’d have been sucking down a couple of .40 calibur hollow points. Yes, he’s not only a moron, he’s a scumbag too. Jerk.

A man using a pellet rifle to shoot at a .22-caliber shell ended up with bullet fragments in his groin early Sunday. Michael Lewis, 27, Delphos, was reported to be in fair condition Monday morning at the University of Kansas Medical Center in Kansas City, where he was taken after being treated at Salina Regional Health Center. Sheriff Glen Kochanowski said deputies still are investigating the accidental shooting, and they hope to speak again with Lewis. “At the time, he was uncooperative,” Kochanowski said. Kochanowski said a deputy was sent to Salina Regional to meet with Lewis after he was taken to the hospital by an uncle. He said Lewis told the deputy that he was alone outside his mother’s house at 2745 N. Hedville about 4:30 a.m. Sunday, using a pellet rifle to shoot at the shell on a picnic table. Kochanowski said Lewis told the deputy that a pellet from the rifle hit the shell, causing it to explode. The bullet hit Lewis in the groin. Kochanowski said the bullet apparently lodged near major nerves and arteries, which is why Lewis was sent to Kansas City. Kochanowski said there was no indication in the deputy’s report that Lewis had been drinking alcohol prior to the accidental shooting.

You know, this guy is a moron, but you gotta appreciate his aim. It’s gotta be a bitch to hit the ass end of a .22 bullet with a pellet gun unless you put the barrel of the pellet gun right against the bullet. Considering that the bullet shot backwards into his groin, I doubt he was right on top of it. Anyway, I guess when he’s done limpin’ for the next month or two, he might just be a little smarter. So something good may just come out of this after all.

WASHINGTON — A Texas company is recalling about 727,000 candles because the gel used in them can catch fire and create dangerously high flames, the government said Monday. Nature’s Finest Candles of Marble Falls has received four reports of the surface layer of gel burning into high flames, and at least two consumers burnt their hands, the Consumer Product Safety Commission said. The Nature’s Finest Gel Candles are sold in various colors and scents and come in 5.5-ounce and 11-ounce glass containers. The recall covers UPC codes 3863300100 through 3863300114 and 3863300200 through 3863300214, located on a sticker on the bottom. Drug and grocery stores nationwide sold them from June 2001 to February 2005 for $8 to $11. Consumers are urged to stop using the candles and contact Nature’s Finest for a refund by visiting www.naturesfinestcandles.com or calling 800-964-6804, weekdays 9 a.m. to 6 p.m. EST.

Now see, first of all recalling candles because of a flame risk is just stupid. What they should have done was re-market them each with a long stick as pleasant smelling wiener cookers.

Rio de Janeiro – A burnt rubber doll has been mistaken for a badly injured alien and taken to a hospital in Brazil. The incident happened after people in Aracruz found a burnt “body” on the ground after seeing a fireball fall from the sky. A police spokesperson told Terra Noticias Populares: “Many people were terrified, thinking that an alien invasion was taking place. “They thought the doll was a burnt ET and more than 50 people called the station.” The “alien” was taken to the local hospital, where doctors soon confirmed it was a burnt rubber doll. A hospital spokesperson said: “It was obviously a practical joke but we wonder who would do that in such a small and quiet town.”

How the hell could you find a charred rubber doll and not know from the smell that it was rubber? I mean jeez. Pretty much everyone has smelled burnt rubber at one point or another. Someone should have known better. And what about the feel of it? Can’t these people tell just by touching it that it was rubber? Man, I bet they really freak out on Halloween when all those kids are running around in those rubber masks. They must think they’re being invaded!

NORFOLK — A palm reader urged a client to turn over thousands of dollars in order to be “cleansed” of “negative energy” interfering with the person’s ability to have children, city police said in a court document filed Friday. It’s part of an ongoing investigation into members of a family that ran Mrs. Diamond Astrology, a fortune-telling parlor at 4214 E. Little Creek Road. Three family members have been charged in the investigation: Nancy Marks, 54, and her son, David, 34, who are both in custody, and her daughter, Peaches, 33, who was being sought. Charges against another person are looming, according to the papers filed Friday, which also gave the most detailed public complaint to date about the operation. The document, a police officer’s affidavit for a warrant to search a Marks family member’s Jeep Cherokee, says a person went to Mrs. Diamond Astrology in December and paid $10 for a palm reading by a woman who said she was named Paula. Paula told the client – who was not identified in the document – that “negative energy” was causing problems with the person’s personal relationships. Even the person’s ability to have children was said to be affected. Paula said that for $300, the “negativity” could be removed. After the person left, Paula phoned regularly. At a subsequent session, Paula warned that a curse had been placed on the person, and convinced the person that $2,600 was needed to remove it. Paula said she would place the $2,600 in a tabernacle to assist in removing the “negativity,” then return it. But when the person asked for the money back, Paula made excuses. The person asked for it at least 20 times.

There truly is one born every minute. Personally, I don’t think it should be illegal to scam money out of morons like this. I mean, there are people who are ligitimately scammed, but on something this obviously bogus and just flat out stupid, this idiot deserved to lose her money. Idiot.

MOUNT CARMEL, Tenn. Mar 23, 2005 — A yearning for breakfast helped city police end a “low speed” chase of a drunken driving suspect. Jeffery Lynn Drinnon, 30, was arrested at the drive-through lane of a Hardee’s restaurant about 5 a.m. Tuesday. Police began chasing Drinnon after a market reported he drove away without paying for $7 of gasoline. Officers said they used blue lights and sirens to try to get Drinnon to pull over but he kept going until he saw the restaurant. “He turned into Hardee’s, pulls up to the drive-through and rolls the window down like he’s going to order a biscuit before he goes to jail,” Mount Carmel Assistant Police Chief Mike Campbell said. “They had the car surrounded with guns drawn at the drive-through at Hardee’s, and he’s wanting breakfast.” The assistant chief said the suspect, who has a history of drunken driving convictions, was obviously intoxicated as he argued that he was really in Kingsport, 6 miles to the southeast. “He was the drunkest (driver) I’ve seen in a long time,” Campbell said. Drinnon was charged with driving under the influence, driving on a revoked license, evading arrest, resisting arrest and theft under $500. He was taken into custody before he could place his order.

Hahahaha! See, obviously he knew prison food was a bitch since he’s been there before, so he just wanted to get some real food before he got carted off. Too bad he didn’t actually get anything. They should have let him just for the goof value of it.

LISBON, Conn. — A state trooper was suspended for 15 days without pay after he was recorded on a 911 tape saying “too bad” to a caller seeking help for a man injured in a motorcycle accident. State police said the dismissive answer by Trooper Robert Peasley did not affect the response time to the accident involving Justin Sawyer, 21, who died of a severe head injury a week after the crash last August. Peasley was suspended on Monday. Russell Shepard, a friend of Sawyer’s, called 911, which was routed to the state police barracks in Montville. When he reported the accident, Peasley said, “Yeah … too bad,” and hung up, according to a tape obtained by WTNH-TV. Shepard said he was shocked, believing he reached a wrong number. Another friend made a second call. “Yeah,” the officer responded. “Help will get there. Shouldn’t be playing games.” A third emergency call was answered by a different dispatcher, who asked about Sawyer’s condition and advised those nearby to not touch him. “I am absolutely outraged every time I hear that `too bad’ and then click,” said Sawyer’s father, Jim Sawyer. “I only know that I would have felt a whole lot more comfortable if I had heard people responding on the end of that 911 call with some heart and caring.” State police said the comments by Peasley, an 18-year-veteran, were unprofessional, and the agency apologized if “our actions added to the family’s pain.”

Now everyone can have a bad day, but what the hell would you have to be thinking to do something like this? If you’re in that bad of a mood, just call in sick or something. Jeez, this was just ridiculous.

CHARLESTON, S.C. (AP) — The IMAX theater in Charleston and several others in the South have passed on showing a science film on volcanoes because of concerns it might offend those with fundamental religious beliefs. “We’ve got to pick a film that’s going to sell in our area. If it’s not going to sell, we’re not going to take it,” said Lisa Buzzelli, director of the local IMAX theater. “Many people here believe in creationism, not evolution.” Buzzelli said while the Charleston theater doesn’t rule out showing “Volcanoes of the Deep Sea” in the future, she considers people’s religious views when showing films. The film makes a connection between human DNA and microbes inside undersea volcanoes. Buzzelli said the handling of evolution was considered in her decision. IMAX theaters in Texas, Georgia and the Carolinas have declined to show the film, said Pietro Serapiglia who handles distribution for Stephen Low, the film’s director and producer who is from Montreal. “I find it’s only in the South,” Serapiglia said. Some people worry screening out such films will discourage filmmakers from making others in the future. “It’s going to restrain the creative approach by directors who refer to evolution,” said Joe DeAmicis, vice president for marketing at the California Science Center in Los Angeles and a former director of an IMAX theater. “References to evolution will be dropped.” The IMAX Theatre in Myrtle Beach also decided against showing the film. The theater’s director, Jerry Lennard, would not comment. Some IMAX theaters are connected to science centers. Charleston’s is next to the South Carolina Aquarium but has no formal relationship with the aquarium. Whit McMillan, the aquarium’s director of education, said while evolution is taught there, he didn’t see a problem with the IMAX decision. “They’re a for-profit theater,” he said. “It’s basically none of my business.”

More morons giving in to religious facism. You know, not everyone is a religious nut. There are people out there that I’m sure would be very interested in seeing this film. What’s next? They gonna burn some books? Jerks.

TOKYO (Reuters) – A Japanese youth who wanted to go to Tokyo’s Haneda airport boarded a bus heading there before threatening to hijack it unless it took him to … the airport. The unemployed 19-year-old bought a ticket for the early morning bus on Monday. During the journey he stood up and shouted to the driver that he was going to hijack the bus. The youth was drunk and wasn’t carrying a weapon. He was arrested when the driver alerted police and is being held on suspicion of forcible obstruction of business. “He just wanted to make a scene,” a police spokesman said on Tuesday.

If you’re drunk and you’re going to hijack a bus, at least ask to be taken somewhere the bus isn’t already going. Hell, I’d have been like, “Take me someplace where there’s lots of boobs!”