Since it was a slow news day today, I figured I’d just pick someone at random . So today’s Moron of the Day is…
whoever invented speed bumps. I hope he’s rolling over speed bumps in Hell right now. Jerk! 
PUYALLUP – Students in Puyallup hoped to use a video game tournament to raise money for tsunami victims. Parents signed off on the idea, but the school district suddenly said, “game over!” The controversy surrounds the students’ choice for the video game: Halo 2. It’s a game with space soldiers, guns, aliens, swords… And plenty of death. The game is so popular, Rogers High School seniors Mike Alston and Joshua Shake figured a Halo 2 tournament would be the perfect way to raise money for tsunami victims. “$380 we were thinking was going to go straight into the Red Cross Tsunami fund,” Alston said. As a precaution, the boys even got parents to sign waivers acknowledging the graphic nature of the game. But the Puyallup School District canceled the fundraiser, saying the game goes against its anti-violence policy. “They never really talked to us and told us where they’ve seen that violent video games encourage violent behavior so I don’t really believe it,” Alston said. But the school district says they don’t think it’s too sensitive. “When you look at what happened with Columbine, when you look at acts of violence against young people, I think anything we do that even looks like we’re endorsing violence is not appropriate,” said Karen Hanson with the Puyallup School District. The district is backing one tsunami effort at all schools. Students are packing 10,000 health kits destined for tsunami-torn countries. But the boys remind us that the district canceled Halloween celebrations because they were insensitive to the Wiccan religion. “It’s just a question now of when do they stop?” Alston said. The district says that question will be answered one case at a time. They also said it will support the students’ fundraiser if they simply switch to a less violent video game.
Oh crap, I just noticed too that this is the same bunch of morons that cancelled Halloween because it was insensitive to Wiccans…who when asked also said the school district was a bunch of morons. Someone needs to give this school a good flushing and get some intelligent people in there running it that aren’t a bunch of hand wringing liberal pussies. Idiots.
BRISTOL, Tenn. (AP) – When scuffling sisters brought their family squabble into the Assemblies of Jesus Church, the preacher says the devil came, too. The Rev. Clarence June Love was just about to begin his Sunday service to a congregation of less than a dozen on Jan. 9, when sisters Reba Storey, 46, and Mary Steele, 64, entered the hall to talk to their 88-year-old mother, Maude Yates. The sisters claim they wanted to tell their mother that Storey was going to have surgery. They say they came to church because another sister, 69-year-old Rosa Harrison, who is also the preacher’s girlfriend, won’t let them see Yates, who lives in a nursing home. But what caught Love’s eye when the sisters entered his church were their blue jeans – forbidden for women in some Pentecostal churches. The 83-year-old preacher came down from his pulpit. “You’re not wearing pants in my church, you demon,” Storey claimed the preacher said. “I said, ‘I’m glad I serve a God who can work through my pants.’” That’s when, according to Storey, Love allegedly grabbed her and hustled her to the door. “He said, ‘I got all the demons out of my church, and I want you out,’” she said. “I said, ‘I don’t believe you’ve got all the demons out yet.’” Love called the police. Storey and Steele turned themselves in, then filed charges against Harrison and Love. Now all of them face assault charges. General Sessions Judge Bill Watson said he hoped to deal with the case Friday after spending all his time Wednesday just finding lawyers for everyone. “It’s a family feud,” Storey said.
You know, I read this and it’s probably because I’m really tired right now, but I don’t know what the hell was going on here. I did find it rather hilarious that this moronic preacher was sitting there preaching to less than a dozen people. He said he got all the demons out of his church. Sounds like he swept all the people out with them. Somehow, even if I believed in all that crap, I just can’t picture jesus caring if a woman wears blue jeans or not. I don’t know where these idiots get all these moronic ideas from. Sounds like Taliban West in there.
ROSWELL, N.M. — A routine traffic stop Wednesday led to the discovery of more than 60 sick and hungry cats in the back of a moving van driven by a 71-year-old woman. Mary Jane Lyle pleaded not guilty to multiple counts of animal cruelty at a court appearance. She was being held in a Chaves County detention center. If prosecuted, the charges carry possible prison time. An officer pulled over the van because one of its taillights was out. While the officer was talking to Lyle, he heard noises coming from the back. “Our officer heard a cat that appeared to be injured in some way,” said police spokesman Robert Giles. Lyle said she had a cat. But when the officer opened the back of the truck, he discovered 63. Two of the cats were dead and the others were “in various stages of health,” Giles said. The cats were turned over to local animal control officers. Police said Lyle was traveling from Minden, Mich., to Tucson, Ariz.
Jesus, you hear about this stuff all the time, but for some reason it never ceases to amaze me. I’m still trying to get over the whole moving van thing. I guess there wasn’t any room left in her house with all the cat crap everywhere so she just tossed them all in the back of a big ass moving van and took them on a road trip. Whoever rented her that van is sure gonna be pissed off. 
Look at this. Trust me, you want to. Be sure to read the Q&A at the bottom too. By the way, the moron of the day ain’t the guy who listed this, it’s the guy who bid $149.99 for it.
Oh man, that crappy ass e-bay removed the auction. That sucks. Basically the guy was selling his left nut to get money to buy a tractor so he could work his land. He had a picture of two peanuts on a pair of shorts and he was selling the left one. Someone had bid on it but e-bay removed the auction. Jerks.
City of Pewaukee – A 70-year-old Wauwatosa man tried to blame a car accident on a fictitious friend after his car left eastbound Highway 16 near I-94, rolled over and wound up down a hill in a ditch between 300 and 400 feet from the road. Police cited Thomas E. Smith for drunken driving fifth offense, driving with a revoked license second offense, having open intoxicants in a vehicle, not wearing a seatbelt and failure to control a vehicle. He was also cited municipally for obstructing an officer. Police were dispatched to the scene at 7:28 p.m. Jan. 11 and arrived to find Smith lying on the ground on his back next to the driver’s side door, the police report said. An open case of beer and several beer cans were also found outside the car. Smith had a 1-inch-long laceration above his right eye and, when asked, stated he had not been wearing a seatbelt and had crawled out the broken driver’s door window, the report said. While speaking with Smith, an officer smelled alcohol. Smith at first claimed a woman he had picked up in a bar that evening had been driving the car, but when police told him they found no footprints in the snow or items, such as a purse, indicating another person had been there, he stated he had been driving, the report said. The Pewaukee Fire Department transported Smith to Elmbrook Memorial Hospital, where emergency room personnel stated he had broken ribs, the report said. Although Smith refused to submit to a blood draw, one was taken without incident and Smith was transferred to Froedtert Memorial Lutheran Hospital.
Gee I wonder if that would work for everything? “No officer, those weren’t my hands on that woman’s breasts. That was my friend Gary. Oh, you can’t see him because he’s invisible, but he’s standing right over there.” That’d be pretty sweet.
Four McDonald’s employees escaped a terrifying ordeal unscathed yesterday morning, after a thug armed with a samurai sword crawled into their restaurant through a drive-through window. “No one was injured or anything, so that’s fantastic,” a store manager said later in the day, adding the employees in question had all been sent home to get some rest. “They are a little shaken up, though.” The bizarre incident began just before 5:30 a.m., when a car pulled into the drive-through lane of the McDonald’s at Pembina Highway and Chancellor Drive, Winnipeg police Const. Shelly Glover said yesterday. The car triggered an in-store mechanism signalling someone was at the window, but when a staff member attended, they weren’t asked to take any breakfast orders. Instead, a man armed with a samurai-style sword and a metal pipe confronted the employee, eventually forcing his way through the window and into the restaurant, Glover said. Once inside, the suspect held the sword to a 17-year-old manager’s throat while ordering the other staffers — two of them 17-year-olds, the other a 31-year-old — to lie on the floor. “This was a very serious robbery,” Glover said. “Robberies are thefts that involve violence, and this is an extreme example.” Still armed with the sword, the bandit then led the manager to the back, where a second suspect was given entry through a rear door. The two then bound the employees with duct tape while the manager turned over an undisclosed amount of cash. The manager was also bound with tape before the two suspects fled the scene. After managing to free themselves, the employees called police. Glover said all four workers escaped injury, but will likely be scarred nonetheless. “This was a very traumatic incident for these victims,” she said. “They’re going to be experiencing the emotional impacts of these events.” The restaurant’s afternoon manager, who asked not to be named, said the last incident of such severity he could recall took place almost a decade ago, when a late-night employee in Westwood was handcuffed to his own car while a female manager was robbed at gunpoint. Discussing yesterday’s holdup, Glover said: “We have seen other incidents where swords were used, but this one was certainly unique in that a sword and a pipe were used by a suspect who still managed to crawl through a drive-through window.” A police investigation will check store surveillance cameras to see whether they captured any images of the suspects, Glover said. The two men were wearing balaclavas, sunglasses and dark clothing, she added. Anyone with information relating to the robbery is asked to call police at 986-6219 or Crime Stoppers at 786-TIPS (786-8477).
Man, the guy may be a moron, but at least he’s inventive. Still I can’t believe that two seventeen year old’s and a 31 year old didn’t just gang up on this idiot and beat the ever living snot out of him. I mean christ, if someone tried to rob me and they didn’t have a gun, I’d just kill ‘em. It wouldn’t be that hard considering he had both hands full and limited space to move around. Buncha wusses. 
SAPPORO — A man wielding a paper cutter has been arrested after he ordered a woman to take off her pants on a street here on early Saturday morning, police said. Part-time worker Mitsuaki Fujieda, from Eniwa, Hokkaido, approached a 25-yeer-old woman at about 3:40 a.m. in Sapporo’s Shiroishi-ku. Trusting a paper cutter at her, Fujieda demanded she take off her pants. But he fled empty handed after she screamed, police said. The woman and her 36-year-old male friend gave chase for about 200 meters and subdued him shortly after. Local police officers arrested Fujieda on charges of attempted robbery.
Oh our wacky Japanese brothers. Is there no mischief they won’t get up to? 
I wonder what the whole story behind this is. I wish they’d have said why he did it or what he was thinking. That would have probably been even funnier than the act itself.
Echoing footsteps in hallways and slamming doors late at night had made the owner increasingly jittery. He called in the police, who captured a 42-year-old Polish woman on video, masquerading as a ghost over a period of weeks, making mysterious noises. She was jailed for four months. Her husband was employed by the owner, and some unexplained grievance haunted her. She was convicted on nuisance charges, Austrian television reported. But it was unclear what had motivated her to begin her campaign of ghostly disquiet at her husband’s employer’s property.
Where’s Scooby Doo and the gang when you need them huh?
Please tell me why anyone with even 2 cents worth of brain would spend millions upon millions of dollars building a space probe to land on a planet whose atmostphere we’ve never been able to see through and whose surface could very well provide answers about the very origins of life on this planet and elsewhere…PLEASE…someone tell me why they installed a black and white camera on the damn thing! Idiots! 
So after all these years of waiting, the first thing we see is a relatively crappy and highly obscure overhead shot of Titan’s surface. Yeah, that was worth it. Christ people, if you’re gonna do it, do it right. We had great technology back in 1997. Certainly not as advanced as it is now but I know they had color cameras back then. Jeez.