B-Movie Central Cheese Blog

Ok look, I know a lot of people like MAD TV, but for the life of me I can’t figure out why. I’ve given it several chances, but having it on in the background today while I work on the new issue of Rogue Cinema was just more than I could stand. I have never seen anything as patently unfunny as this show, and how it managed to ever stay on the air as long as it has is beyond me. I mean, Saturday Night Live is funnier, and that’s really pathetic. Something else I don’t understand is why people like Chapelle’s Show, but that’s another post.

Basically sketch comedy can either be funny and clever or it can be obvious, boring, stupid, lame, or any combination of the four. The people they get to play the parts can have a lot to do with it, and it often does, but the writing has to be there for them to work with. If it’s not, then only people like Trey Parker or Matt Stone could still somehow manage to make it funny, and only because they’re actually fun to watch on screen. So basically any enjoyment you’d get would be from watching them and not from the material itself.

The long and the short of it is, sketch comedy has hit rock bottom, and it’s going to take some really brilliant writers and comedians to bring it back up to where it should be. If you take Drew Carey and the four regulars from Whose Line is it Anyway and give them their own sketch comedy show, I guarantee it would be funny. They’re all awesome improv comedians, and even when they do obvious stuff it’s funny. That’s about the only thing that will save sketch comedy, and right now the gravesite is picked out and the flowers are ordered, so someone had better do something…fast.

Julia Roberts is my moron of the day for naming her kids Hazel Patricia Moder and Phinnaeus Walter Moder. I despise people who give their kids messed up names just to be “different.” Those kids are gonna have to live with all the teasing and ridicule that comes with having moronic names like that, but what else can you expect when their mother is the Moron of the Day?

The Japan High School Baseball Federation has taken the unusual step of telling schools to tighten up against players who have had their eyebrows shaved or those wearing shabby clothes. The latest trend among schoolboys to shave their eyebrows has already created a stir among education officials who are outraged over the fashion. Officials of the high school baseball federation on Friday decided to warn member schools to take action against student players with shaved eyebrows or those wearing clothes considered too rough. “This is probably the first time for us to give instructions over the appearance of student players,” one of the officials said. Some high schools have already banned their students from shaving their eyebrows. The federation’s warning says that student players must realize that they represent their schools as baseball club members. (Mainichi Shimbun, Japan, Nov. 28, 2004)

I hear that next week they’re going to ban the players from dressing up as club kids and hanging out down at the local gay bar. Will the oppression of the innocent never stop?!?!?

WORCESTER, Mass. – A man was charged with stabbing two relatives after they allegedly criticized his table manners during Thanksgiving dinner. Police said the fight broke out Thursday when Gonzalo Ocasio, 49, and his 18-year-old son, Gonzalo Jr., reprimanded Frank Palacious for picking at the turkey with his fingers, instead of slicing off pieces with a knife. Palacious, 24, described by police only as an uncle, allegedly responded by stabbing them with a carving knife. He is charged with domestic assault and assault with intent to murder, Detective Sgt. Thomas R. Radula said. Police said Ocasio Jr. suffered stab wounds to the chest, back and right side. A nursing supervisor at the University of Massachusetts Medical Center said Friday she had no information on his condition. His father was treated for a stab wound in his arm.

Note to self: Never let a mentally unstable moron hold the carving knife on Thanksgiving.

A thief in Akron almost ruined a family’s Thanksgiving after nabbing their collard greens, NewsChannel5

My self appointed morons of the day are everyone who burned their house down trying to cook a damn turkey. I’m not going to be so cold as to call them morons though. That’s why I say they’re the “self appointed morons of the day.” It’s because I know they themselves are feeling like morons right now…among other things.

For those of you that didn’t burn your houses down though, I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving.

MIAMI (Reuters) – An online casino won the eBay bidding for a decade-old cheese sandwich bearing what some people consider a likeness of the Virgin Mary and immediately began hawking Virgin Mary Grilled Cheese T-shirts. GoldenPalace.com’s bid of $28,000 was the highest offer for the sandwich when bidding closed late on Monday, the Internet casino’s Web site said. The seller, Fort Lauderdale, Florida resident Diana Duyser, says she made the cheese sandwich 10 years ago and after taking a bite, saw “the Virgin Mary staring back at me.” In her eBay ad, Duyser said the sandwich has been kept in a plastic case for a decade and has developed no mold or bacteria. “It is like a miracle,” she said. “I would like all people to know that I do believe that this is the Virgin Mary Mother Of God,” the ad said. “That is my solemn belief, but you are free to believe that she is whomever you like, I am not scamming anyone.” GoldenPalace.com said on its Web site that the “sacred sandwich” had received more than 1.7 million hits since being posted on eBay. The company’s chief executive, Richard Rowe, said the sandwich would be used to raise money for charity. The T-shirts, in various styles bearing a picture of the sandwich and a GoldenPalace.com logo, sell for $19.99. “We believe that everyone should be able to see it and learn of its mystical power for themselves,” Rowe said.

Yeah I’m sure Mary is wandering around plastering her face all over windows and trees and grilled cheese sandwiches and what not. That makes total sense to me. What makes more sense to me is that people are idiots, and anyone who would pay $28,000 for a 10 year old grilled cheese sandwich, is a far bigger moron than the person that sold it. I should rig up some fake “Virgin Mary” items and sell them on ebay too. There’s always some religious idiot out there willing to spent good money on that stuff. I can see it now. “You are bidding on this booger found in the cave where Jesus Christ was entombed. It was found laying in the exact spot where his body rested and has remained gooey, with just a bit of crust to this very day. Bids start at $500,000. Free shipping included.”

Police in Lincoln Park had to use a Taser gun — twice — to subdue a kicking and screaming 14-year-old boy who wouldn’t stop playing his Nintendo Game Boy during class. The boy, who appeared in juvenile court Friday on a charge of resisting and obstructing a police officer, was uninjured, except for a scrape on his right temple that happened Thursday during the lengthy tussle with three police officers and the assistant principal at Lincoln Park High School. According to a report filed in Wayne County Family Court by Lincoln Park Police Sgt. Charles Kaminski of the youth bureau, the boy was sent to the assistant principal’s office because he refused to stop playing his Game Boy when the teacher told him to stop. Once in the office, the boy refused to surrender the Game Boy to assistant principal Larry Phillips, who promised to return it to him after school. When the boy continued to refuse to hand over the electronic game, school liaison Officer Paul Cochran was called. Cochran started to conduct a pat-down search of the boy and he started swinging fists and kicking at the officer, the police report said. Cochran called for backup while he attempted to restrain the boy and Phillips held the boy’s legs. Cochran said he received scrapes and bites on his arms trying to subdue the boy. When two uniformed officers arrived, the boy was still fighting and one of the officers pulled out a Taser gun and attached the weapon to the boy’s clothing. The gun’s electric current, which officials said is nonlethal, is designed so suspects lose control of their muscles. Being tased “stopped him for a moment and then he started fighting again,” the police report said. The officer warned the boy again to stop fighting and to give up the Game Boy. The boy said no, resumed fighting and was stung again by the Taser gun. The three officers finally subdued the boy and he was admitted to the Wayne County Juvenile Detention Facility. Other than Cochran’s bites, scratches and scrapes, the officers were not seriously injured. At a court hearing Friday, the boy’s mother told Family Court Referee David Perkins that her son had been in counseling since the fourth grade after he was illegally kidnapped by his stepmother and kept away from his mother for a year. His counselor recently told the mother that her son was getting worse, she said. Perkins set bond at $2,000 pending a Dec.6 pre-trial hearing.

You know, this crap wouldn’t happen if the games weren’t so damn addicting. IT’S ALL THE FAULT OF THESE ADDICTING VIDEO GAMES! THEY’RE DESTROYING OUR YOUTH! WE MUST BAN ALL VIDEO GAMES NOW!!! There, that was my impression of a wacked out liberal…or a wacked out conservative. Take your pick.

RAMALLAH, West Bank, Nov 23 (Reuters) – Human Rights Watch called on U.S. heavy equipment maker Caterpillar Inc. on Tuesday to stop selling heavy bulldozers to Israel because they are used to destroy Palestinian homes. The New York-based rights group said the bulldozers, which are armoured by Israel, were the army’s “primary weapon” to raze Palestinian houses, destroy agriculture and ruin infrastructure such as sewage pipes and roads. “Caterpillar betrays its stated values when it sells bulldozers to Israel knowing they are being used to illegally destroy Palestinian homes,” Sarah Leah Whitson, Middle East Director at Human Rights Watch, said in a statement. “Until Israel stops these practices, Caterpillar’s continued sales will make the company complicit in human rights abuses.” The United Nations agency for Palestinian refugees says roughly 25,000 people have lost their homes in a four-year-old Palestinian uprising, mostly in Gaza’s Rafah refugee camp where swathes of homes have been razed to broaden a buffer zone along the border with Egypt. Israel says it is targeting militants during raids in which homes and fields are destroyed and that it only demolishes buildings used by gunmen who fire at troops or houses that conceal weapons-smuggling tunnels. Caterpillar representatives in Israel and the Israeli Defence Ministry declined to comment. More than 3,200 Palestinians and 950 Israelis have been killed since the start of the uprising. A United Nations human rights investigator said in June the sale of bulldozers to the army could violate Palestinians’ human rights and that bulldozers had also destroyed lives. U.S. peace activist Rachel Corrie, 23, became a hero of the Palestinian uprising after she was crushed to death last year when she tried to stop an army bulldozer from demolishing a house in Rafah. The army said the driver never saw her. Caterpillar has said its sales to Israel comply with U.S. law and are conducted through Washington’s Foreign Military Sales Program. At an April 14 meeting, 96 percent of shareholders backed the company’s position that it cannot enforce how its equipment is used.

These idiots really piss me off when they do stuff like this. They’re all hand-wringing over the poor Palestenians but they don’t care squat about all the Israeli lives that have been destroyed by the Palestenian terrorists or the damage that’s been done to Israel’s economy because of all the terrorist attacks. Kudos to CAT for selling Israel these bulldozers and I’m glad they’re not caving in to these human rights watch idiots. If the Palestenians would just wise up and stop living in brainwashed ignorance, they’d figure out that maybe if they left Israel alone, that Israel would leave them alone and they could co-exist peacefully and both prosper. Unfortunately, the imams and other idiots have brainwashed the children from the time they’re old enough to understand spoken words, so I don’t know if a time of peaceful co-existence will come anytime soon. The Israelis don’t get off on oppressing the Palestenians, even though that’s what the Arab world wants you to believe. They want to be left alone and to have peace. I know this first hand because not only am I married to an Israeli, I’ve been to Israel more than once. The Israeli’s don’t really bother the Arabs that live inside Israel all that much, so no one can make a justified claim that they just hate Arabs and look to oppress them anywhere they can. It’s all a bunch of crap, and it’s time the Arab world smartened up and looked at themselves as the source of their problems instead of looking to blame Israel just because they’re a jewish state.

WATERLOO, Iowa (AP) – A woman called police to report that her dealer sold her bad drugs. The woman made the call about 4:30 p.m. Friday from a coin-operated laundry and told police a drug dealer sold her crack cocaine that was possibly fake. By the time police arrived, she apparently changed her mind about filing the complaint and was gone.

I guess I shouldn’t be amazed anymore at what people do when they’re on drugs, but for some reason I still am.