The new Rogue Cinema magazine has so far garnered some nice comments from people, so I’ve been encouraged by that. As for the rest of my day, it’s been pretty blah. I’m not looking forward to going back to work tomorrow, but I’ve had a really nice, relaxing weekend, so I guess it’ll be ok. I’m still looking for some director / producer to work on a comedy indie film with, so if you know anyone, send them my way.
A man trying to steal fire got burned Friday, Tacoma police reported. The 26-year-old Tacoma resident walked into a grocery store in the 7900 block of South Hosmer about 12:10 a.m. Friday and shoplifted a black cigarette lighter from the rack, according to a police report. He slipped the lighter, priced at $1.29, into his pocket and walked out of the store, the report stated. When a security guard confronted him in the parking lot, the man threw the lighter to the ground and tried to run away, police said. The guard caught him and dragged him back to the store to call police. When confronted by officers, the man admitted that trying to steal the lighter “was pretty stupid,” according to the police report. And how. Officers discovered from their dispatchers that the man was wanted on two warrants, one of them charging him with a felony. They arrested him and took him down to the jail. His bail: $3,500.
Oh yeah, that was a WAY better idea than asking someone in the parking lot for a light wasn’t it? Hey, I’m a wanted felon, I think I’ll go steal something REALLY small and inexpensive so I can get caught and go to jail where I’ll get to be some 500 pound freak’s little woman for the next fifteen years! Woohoo! Where’s that lighter? It’s party time! …idiot. I mean seriously, what a freakin’ moron.
Thanks to Todd’s hard work in finishing things up tonight, the new
webzine from The Rogue Reviewers, Rogue Cinema is now online!
You can check it out here:
If any of you check out the new webzine and like what you see, we’d really appreciate it if you could link to us on your own site. Thanks!
I spent the whole day trying to back up my copy of Zapped! from a VHS tape to a DVD. God that’s a long damn process. Anyway, I wish that MGM would just get that damn special edition DVD of it out that I heard they were working on since last year. I’ll buy the DVD as soon as it hits the shelf, but I want to be able to watch it for now until that happens without worrying about wearing out my tape. Anyway, here’s my daily status report…as always, like anyone cares. 
The man who frequently roamed the streets of Claxton Bay walked into the station around 5 p.m. Saturday and threatened the officers on duty. He then jumped over the counter and started acting violently, police said. The officers arrested the man and locked him in a cell. Moments later, police said, they heard him shouting that a snake was in his pants. A woman officer, who went to check on him, found him bleeding from the groin area. When she investigated, she found that the man was holding his testicles in his hands. He was taken to the San Fernando General Hospital in a police vehicle, where he underwent emergency surgery.
You know, I got a snake in my pants too, but I like to think my testicles keep it company. This guy obviously doesn’t share that same view. They say he was taken to the hospital for emergency surgery. I sure as hell hope they didn’t try to re-attach them. That would just be stupid.
LETHBRIDGE, Alta. (CP) – A vacuum cleaner hung from a tree, clothes were strewn on rooftops, and a man sat on a couch where the livingroom used to be after a house exploded Saturday morning. “It is nothing short of a miracle,” said Lethbridge police Staff Sgt. Maynard Fast, of the man who survived the blast that levelled the small bungalow. “Portions of the home and roof were broken into places and pieces and have landed away from the area,” described Maynard. “A couch landed two homes away. It landed in somebody’s backyard.” Emergency crews were called to the area around 10:30 a.m. after the house exploded. Neighbours and other onlookers pulled the elderly man to safety after noticing him still on the couch, as what was left of the house burned. “Had they not pulled him, likely within 30 seconds to a minute, it would have been too late,” said Fast. The man was taken to hospital by ambulance with some scratches and a dislocated shoulder. An unidentified 11-year-old girl was also taken to hospital with bruising after she was found outside the home. Fast said the girl is the man’s granddaughter and that she was thrown from the home and landed in the front yard. “He’s a very lucky man, as is his granddaughter.” Two neighbouring houses and a parked car were also damaged. The cause of the explosion is under investigation but Fast said gas is a suspect in the cause of the blast right now. He estimates the damage in excess of $150,000. “There’s nothing that is salvageable,” said Fast. “It’s just incredible to think that they both came out of that alive.”
Holy crap! That literally is like a cartoon. The mental image of this old guy sitting on a smouldering couch with black all over his face and clothes and his hair sticking in every direction with smoke coming out of it after he and his couch got blown through the roof and all the way into a neighbor’s back yard two houses away is just hilarious. I feel sorry for that poor kid though. That’s gonna leave some mental scars. I can just see her visting her grandfather’s room in the hospital. The first words out of her mouth are going to be, “What’s that smell?”
It’s been a long relaxing day, but I am a little stressed about various things. Here’s how I’m doing as of this particular moment…
Christchurch war veteran Arthur Fuller felt no fear when he took his walking stick to an intruder more than 30 years his junior. “I have never been scared of anything. I’ve had knives held at my throat … I’ve seen ships go down in one flash, no survivors,” the 80-year-old former navy man said. The intruder, Terrence John Enright, suffered a head cut requiring stitches for his troubles after forcing his way into Fuller’s home on the night of May 9. “He didn’t worry me in the slightest. I went to sleep just the same. I didn’t give him the full force or else I would have downed him,” Fuller said. Enright, 48, appeared in the Christchurch District Court yesterday and pleaded guilty to being unlawfully in a building. Judge Robert Wolff told Enright: “In some senses you’re fortunate that the victim in this case literally seems to be a hero. It seems that, having served in Italy and Africa, he was scared but was going to take you on. “He was brave but you could have gone into the home of someone who would have been terrified and not so brave, and you could have made someone unable to feel safe and to sleep properly again for the rest of their life,” the judge said. Fuller was first alerted to Enright at his door when he heard a “loud thump”. He opened the door to the length of the safety chain to find Enright sitting on the doorstep, taking off his trousers and shoes. “I said to him, `You’re not doing that’.” Enright then tried to force his hand inside to try to open the door and Fuller “cracked him across the knuckles” three times with his walking stick. As Fuller went to phone the police, Enright broke through two locks and the chain and entered the home. Fuller confronted him as he headed towards the bedrooms of the house. “I said, `You’re not going down there’.” Arming himself with his walking stick once again, Fuller swung as Enright advanced. The blow left Enright’s blood spilt on the carpet of the home. “I was scrubbing it when the police came. They said to leave it alone,” Fuller said. Enright was captured by police a short distance from Fuller’s home. He was yesterday bailed to a restorative justice conference on June 18. “You have to do something about your obvious over-drinking on this occasion and possibly others,” the judge told him.
All I can think of when I read this is that part in the movie Tremors when the worm busted in and Burt was all “Broke into the wrong goddamn basement didn’t ya ya bastard!?!?” I mean, this drunken moron breaks into an old guy’s house and gets the snot beat out of him, so you know he went to jail looking and feeling like the bloodied up moron that he is. What a schmuck. 
A three day weekend at last! I’ll probably spend the weekend scratching myself, watching TV and maybe some movies, trying to get some writing done and helping my buddy Todd go over the new Rogue Cinema webzine site looking for typos and other stuff. Anyway, here’s how things are going as of this moment…
The Mystery of the Disappearing Cow: Farmers at loss to explain how Jannie the Jersey could have vanished. It is not your average missing-persons inquiry, but a Beckington farming couple have this week issued a mooving appeal for help. Geoff and Kim Bowles, who own Ivy House Organic Farm, say one of their Jersey cows has mysteriously disappeared, leaving no clues to its whereabouts. They do not think that Jennie the Jumping Jersey has been attacked by one of the area’s “big cats”, but say that because they live near Cley Hill, alien abduction is one possibility. But whatever has happened, they are desperate to find her so that she can be reunited with her temporarily orphaned baby calf, Juniper. Mr Bowles said: “This one always kept getting out and wandering around neighbouring fields, but like all cows she would always come back to the herd for milking time. “We have searched all around our land and the three neighbouring farms, so perhaps it’s postnatal depression and she has run away. “We are the only Jersey herd in the area, so if she turned up with another herd we would have heard about it by now.” Two weeks ago Jennie escaped on to a nearby road and was discovered by locals, who informed Mrs Bowles of her whereabouts so she could collect her. Mrs Bowles said: “It is not unusual to get a cow jumping into the next field once a year because the grass is greener, but they always come back, especially when they have just calved. “If she was ill and in a ditch we would know by now because of the decay and smell, so that is not really a possibility. “We don’t think it is the big wild panther that prowls these local fields, which loads of people have seen. Even if it were, I do not think that would eat a Jersey cow. “It could possibly be alien abduction because we are near Cley Hill and we have not ruled out a Watership Down scenario. “Jerseys are very intelligent cows, so I would not put anything past them.” Mr Bowles added that they were considering putting a wanted or missing sticker on their milk bottles and printing T-shirts with Jennie’s face on it for the campaign. Jennie’s orphaned calf Juniper is currently being looked after by another cow in a shed on Ivy House Farm. Anyone who can help the family find their missing Jersey can contact Mr Bowles on 0777 1900288.
I couldn’t really find a good moron of the day story, so I’m stretching it a bit here. They say the cow could have been abducted by aliens, but if they knew anything at all about alien abduction, they’d know that the aliens don’t abduct whole cows. They usually just take certain parts and leave the rest. My personal theory is that the aliens abducted George Foreman one night and he introduced them to low fat cooking using his grill, so now they just go around grabbing cow parts to have alien barbeques on their space ships. As for this cow that disappeared, I guess it never occurred to anyone that maybe someone came in the night, loaded it in a trailer, and drove it away somewhere. Either that, or the cow got tired of seeing buffalos having all the wings so she grew a pair of her own and flew away.