I apologize for only having one post today, but there was literally nothing all that interesting to post. I even had to scrounge and make a stretch to get the Moron of the Day post in here. Hopefully there’ll be more tomorrow.
April 30
I’m super dead tired today so I’m just gonna do a Moron of the Day post and I’ll get back to a full update tomorrow.
Englewood police are looking for a man who exposed himself to two young girls Monday afternoon. The girls, ages 11 and 12, were walking along a bike path near Jefferson Avenue and South Logan Street when they saw a man walking on the other side of the creek. As the girls walked past, the man pulled down his shorts to his knees, exposed himself, and began to hit himself on his buttocks with a stick while moaning, Englewood police said. The girls ran to the Safeway at 200 East Jefferson Avenue to report it. The man didn’t speak to the girls and did not try to follow them. Police searched the area and found nothing. The man is described as a white man in his 40s, about 5 feet 8 inches tall, with short, curly, gray hair and a thin beard. If you have any more information, you are asked to call Englewood police at (303) 762-2434.
I mean, if you put something like this in a comedy show and it was done right, the whole scene would be funny. Considering it was real though and he probably scared the hell out of these girls, he’s just a moron. What would have made this really funny is if the girls had a dog and he bit off the guy’s weiner and sack. 
Firefighters have criticised the actions of a woman who set her house on fire while trying to smoke out a wasps nest in her home.
Officers from Merthyr Tydfil were called to the property in Hillcrest in the Penydarrren area on Sunday night. It took 10 men two hours to bring the blaze under control. Station officer Gareth Davies said: “I’ve been in the service for 15 years and this is the first time I have seen an incident similar to this.” It is thought the woman had lit a small fire outside the house to smoke out the wasps but timbers caught, spreading the flames to the roof. No-one was injured during the incident on Sunday but the fire crews had to pull down ceiling and wall boards because the fire was burning within the cavities. Although the house was filled with smoke, the wasps remained in their nest until pest control officers were called to remove them. Station officer Gareth Davies said that it was one of the most unusual call-outs he had had to deal with. “The woman had tried to smoke out the wasps by lighting a bit of cardboard and blowing it out and putting it under a board,” he said. “But that just acted as a chimney and the cardboard re-lit and began to burn through the cavity walls up to the roof. “There was a lot of smoke there when we arrived and we had to take down a lot of ceiling and wall boards to get to the fire because it was burning behind the walls. “The woman was very concerned how easy it had been for the fire to spread. “Our advice would be never to take this kind of thing into your own hands, always contact your local authority who can get rid of the wasps by using cosmetic smoke.” Wasps usually live in colonies and thousands can inhabit one nest.
In addition to the other story today, this story has a bit of irony too. The lady starts a fire to get rid of some wasps and almost burns her house down, and now she’s got a messed up house and she still has to call an exterminator to get rid of the wasps, which is what she should have done in the first place. I know Darwin was just waiting for this one to get out of hand. Fortunately for her it didn’t. Maybe she’ll be a little smarter next time…but probably not. 
A Hamas suicide bomber blew up two armed Palestinians who tried to rob him at gun point in the Gaza Strip. Hamas claimed the
BERLIN – German police stopped a 17-ton bulldozer weaving through Berlin
Just be sure to read the whole thing. It’s absolutely hilarious!
INDIANAPOLIS — A police officer Tuesday arrested a male bicyclist accused of grabbing a woman’s buttocks on a sidewalk downtown. Aloysius Roselle, 29, faces a felony charge of sexual battery and a charge of resisting arrest, RTV6′s Jack Rinehart reported. Indianapolis police Officer Mike Wilson said he saw Roselle (pictured, left), who was riding a bicycle in the 500 block of South Capitol Avenue, grab the buttocks of a woman who is a deputy probation officer with the Marion County court system. Wilson said he arrested Roselle after a brief chase. “He picked the wrong victim and the wrong time today,” Wilson said.
Should the guy have been busted for this? Sure. But to charge him with a friggin’ felony count of sexual battery is a bit excessive don’t you think?
NEW PROVIDENCE, N.J. — A student who allegedly urinated in a teacher’s water bottle this week was charged with aggravated assault. Jevin Torres, 18, a senior at New Providence High School, also was charged with disorderly conduct and could face up to five years in prison if convicted. He was freed on bail Wednesday night and has been suspended from school indefinitely. District officials would not discuss the matter, which occurred Monday, and authorities said a motive had not been determined. The alleged offense might have carried a lesser charge in other cases, authorities said, but because the victim was a teacher, state law requires that the more serious charge be filed against Torres. The unidentified teacher, who did not realize what had occurred until she went to take a drink from the bottle, was not injured.
I love the part about her not being injured. It was diluted pee in a bottle of water. The most injury this could have caused was that it would have given her bad breath. 
MEXICO CITY (Reuters) – A Mexican man who got drunk, fell asleep on railroad tracks and was run over by a train slept through the entire episode and escaped unharmed, local officials said on Friday. Jorge Lozano Lopez, a 32-year-old electrician, did not regain consciousness until well after paramedics arrived on the scene late on Wednesday night. “He must have been very drunk to have slept through all that,” said Jose Alfaro de la Rosa, a health official in the northern town of San Nicolas de los Garza. “It’s a miracle he wasn’t hurt.” The train’s driver spotted Lozano Lopez on the tracks and frantically blew the whistle but was unable to rouse him or stop the train in time. The undercarriage passed within just a few inches of his body but did not touch him. “I counted only six beers,” a bewildered Lozano Lopez told local newspaper El Norte. “But who knows how many more there might have been. I don’t remember.”
I can understand getting drunk and passing out, but how the hell do you pass out right in the middle of the railroad tracks and then not wake up as a train goes over the top of you? I’ll tell ya, the very next day, I’d check myself into rehab and never take another drink ever again after going through something like that. 
BOSTON — An X-Ray, made of the stomach of a 62-year-old man who came to the emergency room of Cholet General Hospital in western France in 2002. He had a history of major psychiatric illness, was suffering from stomach pain, and could not eat or move his bowels. Doctors discovered an enormous opaque mass in his stomach that turned out to weigh 12 pounds. The patient had swallowed around 350 coins, along with assorted necklaces and needles.
You know, if you have an iron deficiency, there are pills for that. Idiot.