The July issue of Rogue Cinema is now online!

July 2nd, 2009   No Comments »

Hey folks,

Sorry about having the new issue up late this month. As many of you know, we had to put our dog Rocky down last week after he began having seizures and they couldn’t pull him out of it. So it’s been really tough for me to focus on anything. That combined with a larger than usual issue made it really tough for me to get it out. But here is is…

Interviews:

Mike Conway
Christopher R. Mihm
Rachel Grubb
Scott Goldberg
Paul Kratka
Will Clevinger
Jackeline Oliver

This Month’s Sleepover Girl:
Stunningly beautiful Erika Smith is our July Sleepover Girl.

Articles:

Philip Smolen brings us another fantastic article this month! We all have movies that delight us even though they are not class A productions – movies maybe we wouldn’t even admit to liking in social company for fear of the reaction we’d get. Maybe there’s a cheesy air about them. Maybe most of the performances are not particularly memorable. Maybe the director was a famous hyper speed guy like Lee “Roll em” Scholem or Eddie Cahn. Perhaps the special effects are really chintzy with obvious wires supporting the monster. But, no matter what, you like them. They’re part of you now. They’re the movies you return to watch year after year, decade after decade. As Bill Warren points out in Keep Watching the Skies, these films help us “recapture the uncritical receptive reactions we had at that young age.” You now laugh at the clunky dialogue, you can smile at the obviousness, and you’re aware of the silliness, but it doesn’t matter. You still like these movies.

Cary Conley is a first-time contributor to Rogue Cinema. For his first article, he reminisces about the bootleg video scene of years gone by. Remember the weeks and months spent tracking down an uncut, watchable version of a cult genre film you were dying to see? With the advent of the DVD format, just about everything that was ever committed to celluloid can be cheaply transferred to DVD. That’s a good thing, right? Well, maybe not…

Independent Filmmaker Jason Lockard is back! This month he’s taking a look back at a film that has it all – comedy, drama, romance, action, adventure, and the best part is, it stars AFI’s #1 Male and Female actors of all time the Great Humphrey Bogart and Katherine Hepburn! So read on to find out all about that great old classic, The African Queen.

Danny Runion’s mashing up more movies this month! This time around, it’s Movie Mashups 11: Curse of the Toy Maker. Wanna know what movies he mashed up this month? You’ll have to read it to find out.

Movie Reviews:

Blitzkrieg: Escape from Stallag 69
Caesar & Otto’s Summer Camp Massacre
Chainsaw Cheerleaders
Coverage
Dead Snow
Depeche Mode: The Dark Progression
Earth Day
Good Boy
Gothkill
Knuckle Draggers
Motor Home from Hell
Remote
Reprisal
Ricky’s Battle Shock
Sins of the Father
Stocking Stuffers
Stuntmen
The Bell Witch Legend
The Burrowers
The Commune
The Forgotten Ones
The Hopewell Haunting
The Plague (Writer & Director’s Cut)
The Three Stooges Colelction Vol. 6
Under the Influence

Book Reviews:

Comedy Horror Films
Silent Mystery and Detective Movies

So head on over to Rogue Cinema (http://www.roguecinema.com) and check out all the goodness in this month’s issue.

Hope you all enjoy it!

  (Current Mood: tiredtired)

Why the new hippies suck even more than the old hippies…

June 21st, 2009   2 Comments »

Ok, I guess I’ll start this off by saying flat out, I hate hippies.  I think they’re a bunch of naive douche bags who have utterly lost any ability to see the world for what it truly is and understand that we’ll never live in this Utopian society they’ve dreamed up with the two tiny little brain cells they have left dancing around in their heads.  That said however, I have to say, I actually respect the old hippies a hell of a lot more than the new ones.

Now, why I say that actually has to do with what inspired this post, which is a cellphone commercial I’ve been seeing on TV in which this hot girl in probably her early 20’s in standing on a rooftop controlling various things in the town around her with her cellphone, including lifting up a BBQ restaurant to reveal a vegetarian restaurant underneath.  She looks really damn smug and happy with herself, which brings me to the crux of my post.

The hippies of old actually believed in what they were and what they were doing.  Even though it was born out of two things.  First was a rebellion against overly uptight social attitudes in western society, and secondary to that, they wanted the world to be a nice place where people got along, there was justice for everyone and the whole world worked together as one for the betterment of humanity.  They also had this whole other thing going on with natural foods and incense and meditation and what not, but you all know the story with them.  There was a lot of hypocrisy that grew out of that movement, but I’ll cover that in a bit.  The point is, despite the hypocrisy in some areas, they were genuine in how they felt and even though it was completely unrealistic, and truly believed in what they were doing and their efforts to change society and the world as a whole.

Now, that brings us to the new hippies, including our hot, happy with herself chick on the rooftop.  The new hippies are completely lacking in any genuine beliefs, instead prefering to follow along with what’s hip so they can feel really smug and elevated over all of us normal folks who just live normal lives and want to be left alone.  For example, the new hippies are big into being vegans, because as they like to say, meat is murder.  Ok, that’s fine, but the simple fact is, humans have been eating meat since caveman days.  If you all don’t want to eat it, that’s fine, but it doesn’t make you elevated morally or spiritually over the rest of us.  All it means is that you eat different food.  Might I submit to you vegan types that vegitarianism is also murder, as you’re killing plant life to feed yourselves.  Are plants sentient?  Maybe not, but they do feel and they do have senses, as has been proven by numerous scientific studies.  Simply put, you’re consuming a living thing so that you can stay alive, which is no different than people who eat meat.  Humans have to eat, which means we kill things in the process.  That’s the cycle of life.  I notice a lot of these folks are running around wearing leather clothes, including jackets, vests and shoes, as well as carrying around leather handbags, leather wallets and such.  Hey you idiots, here’s a little bit of info for you.  Leather is made from animal skin, and the animals don’t exactly give up that skin voluntarily.  Animals are dying to make those things.  Us normal, un-elevated folks eat the meat and use the leather.  You guys just hypocritically use the leather products while wasting the rest of the animal.  Oh, but you all are so much better than the rest of us aren’t you?

Then the new hippies like to make themselves feel superior by latching on to this global warming thing, which again, numerous scientists have shown to be a lie.  In their superiority over the rest of us cavemen, they like to drive around in hybrid cars and try to force their global warming policies on the rest of us.  Wow, aren’t you all feeling smug and superior because you’re “saving the earth”?  I got news for you.  Those hybrids you all are driving around…well they take an awful lot of batteries to run, and hey guess what…those batteries don’t last forever.  So what happens to the old ones when they have to be replaced?  Want me to tell you?  Ok, I will.  They either go into landfills or they’re recycled, but the chemicals in the batteries will still have to be disposed of.  Hey, that’s really great for the environment now isn’t it?  They still run on gas as well, so you’re doubly hurting the environment.  Then we have the hybrids and electrical vehicles you actually plug in to charge.  Where do you think that electricity comes from to charge them?  Well, it comes from the power grid, which in turn puts a bigger strain on the power grid, which in turn makes power plants work harder, which in turn causes more pollution or waste in some cases.  So how much good are you actually doing by driving around smugly in your little Prius?  Everything we drive around or use for transportation pollutes in some way at some level.  It’s simply a part of our existence on this planet.  The only way to rid the planet of human pollution is to rid the planet of humans, which I’m sure many of these smug idiots would think is a good idea.  I have a better idea of how to reduce human pollution.  Why don’t we just rid the planet of stupid people.  We could cut our pollution by about 98%. :)

I’m not going to go into every example here because I could go on for hours, but you get my meaning.  The new hippies are all about feeling smug and elevated over the rest of us normal folks.  They believe they’re superior in every way and that only they can save the planet from the rest of us cavemen.  Gee, thanks!  I’ve been waiting for someone to come along and save me from myself, and now here they are!

One last thing I want to touch on is freedom of speech.  The old hippies had free speech rallies and stuff like that.  Back in the day when society was more repressive socially, I can understand why they felt the need to have these rallies.  They wanted the freedom to express themselves and their beliefs without the fear of being repressed.

Nowadays, the new hippies, who consider themselves to be the intellectual elite, are only interested in free speech if it agrees with them and their beliefs.  If you dare to have a contrary opinion though, you can expect to be ridiculed, harassed and otherwise silenced by the new elite class of liberal intelligentsia.  I got news for you people.  Free speech is for everyone, not just those who think they’re better, smarter and more elevated than everyone else.  It’s been getting worse over the years, but today it’s become little more than thinly veiled fascism, and those of us who are just normal folks who actually see the world for what it is, need to stop these people from silencing our voices.  Free speech is the foundation of our society, and it exists for everyone, not just for the “intellectual elite”.  You don’t have to agree with what someone else says, but you DO have to respect their right to say it, because that’s how a free society works.  When speech is limited, fascism thrives, and that my friends is where these new hippies are taking us – down the road to fascism and a suppressive society.

I’ve seen these new hippies at work.  See, I grew up in California, which was once a beautiful state.  That is, it was until the new hippies took it over.  They took over the state and local governments and kept moving farther and farther north, spreading their intolerance for anyone whose views didn’t coincide with theirs.  They bullied their views into public policy, and now look what’s happened to the state.  It’s been utterly ruined.  Gangs and crime everywhere, a massive budget deficit, massive taxes, massive fees, very limited freedoms, a completely broken educational system filled with liberal instructors who try to bully their views into their students, illegal immigrants flooding into the state and draining the system, etc…  Wow, their views and philosophies really work well don’t they?  They turned a once beautiful state into a place not worth living in, and basically have whittled it down to two classes.  The elite class and the servant class.  I hated to leave California, but I’m glad I did now.  There’s no way I could have survived there financially or dealt with the limitations of my freedoms.  I live in a state now that understands individual freedoms and doesn’t tax us all into slavery.  Speaking of which, now that the federal government is run by the new hippies – the liberal elites, they’re bullying their policies through and trying to tax us into slavery on a federal level.  Make no mistake about it.  The new hippies are fascists.  They try to hide behind their facade of caring about the poor and downtrodden, but it’s all a lie, and when too many people are suckered into believing the lie, it screws all of us.

That all said, I’d take the old hippies over the new ones any day of the week.  The old ones just sat around, smoked pot and smelled bad.  The new ones are actually dangerous, and even though they think they’re more elevated than the rest of us, the rest of us have something they don’t.  Common sense.

When you come across these people in your daily lives, don’t let them get away with their smugness or their bullying as they try to impose their beliefs on people and put down anyone who has the nerve to disagree with them.  These facists, for that is truly what they are, need to be put in their place, otherwise we’ll all be subjugated and silenced in a society run by these image driven elitists.

  (Current Mood: boredbored)

If I wanted to give, I’d contact you…

June 16th, 2009   No Comments »

So I got another one of those calls today.  You know the ones, where they tell you all about some wonderful charitable thing they’re doing and then ask you if they can count on you for your support.  As usual, I told them no, I can’t because I’m unemployed and we’re having a hard time financially, which is the truth actually, but I’d tell them the same even if I wasn’t and we weren’t.  After I told them that, as usual again, they feel the need to say something like, “Well it’s only such and such amount of money,” or “Well can we send you out a pledge card and you can send it back with the money in a month or so?”

What the hell did I just say?  Did I stutter?  I said no.  Period.  End of story.  Asking me again after I already said no isn’t going to get me to say yes, it’s just going to annoy me more than I already am, which, as usual…it did.  So I tell him in no uncertain terms no, and then once I get off the phone, the first thing that comes to my mind is…

“Everyone’s always calling here looking for donations.  No one ever asks me, “Hey, how are you doing?  Can we send you some money to help you out?”

Gee, wouldn’t it be nice to hear that just once?  That’s why I don’t give to charity.  In our worst time when both my wife and I were unemployed and facing the chance of losing our house and everything else, we couldn’t get any help.  We tried to find out about getting some public assistance to help us through that rough time.  Hell, even food stamps would have helped.  Could we get any help?  No.  Why?  Because we weren’t brilliant enough to pump out some kids and because I made a few dollars too much on my unemployment checks.  So basically, it was get unemployment, keep our house and not eat, or don’t get unemployment, lose our house and have a meal once in a while.  Hey, there’s a nice choice.  I never wondered more than I did at that time why the hell I ever bothered paying taxes.  Most of the charitable organizations only help out if you have kids as well, or if you’re actually homeless.

Anyway, this particular charity was a police thing where they take poor kids out to buy them school supplies and stuff.  Now first of all, if you’re too poor to take care of your kids and get them the things they need, don’t have kids.  It’s not rocket science.  If you had kids before you fell on hard times, then I feel bad for you, but again…we all have problems.  I’m sorry about yours, but I have mine too.  Secondly, we already gave when we paid our damn property taxes.  Most of that money goes to schools.  What the hell are they doing with it?  Oh right, they’re overpaying the teachers and the administration and wasting it on useless crap that isn’t teaching the kids the things they need to know to survive in life.  Maybe if the teacher’s unions would stop trying to get the teachers more money and actually focus on setting up programs to help disadvantaged students, the kids would have the school supplies they need and I wouldn’t have to get calls in the middle of the day asking me to give money to something I’ve already given WAY more than enough money to in my property taxes.  Why not call up the douche bags in apartments and stuff that don’t pay any property taxes?  How come the homeowners have to pay it all?  Hell, we don’t even have any kids. :P

So that’s that…

Now on to celebrities.  Anyone who knows me knows I don’t give a rat’s ass about celebrities.  99% of them can all go to hell as far as I’m concerned, but that said, someone really needs to tell me why the hell celebrities who go on game shows and stuff are always forced to give anything they win to charity?  Aren’t they people just like anyone else?  Don’t they have the right to go on a game show and actually win something just like everyone else?  Sure they’re rich, but that’s not the point.  The point is, they shouldn’t be forced to give to charity if they don’t want to.  If they win a bunch of money and decide to give some to charity, that’s their business.  It’s not anyone else’s business to tell them they should give up all the money they won.  Hey how about this.  How about we cut out the middleman.  Create a game show that only has poor people on it and let them get some money that way.  That way they get what they need, we get entertainment, the television studios get a new show and everyone’s happy.  Or, if you want to help a bunch of people at once, have the people who run these charities go on there and try to win money for their charity.  Hell, they could even put a phone number up on the screen for each charity in case the viewers want to donate something.  It’s a winner all around.

Then…

We have the christian charities.  Feed the Children and all that crap.  First off, we have hungry children in this country.  Feed them first if you’re feeling so charitable.  If you don’t want to take care of the kids here first, then don’t run your damn charity from here and don’t ask us for money.  I feel bad that there are hungry kids in the world, but we can’t take care of everyone.  What’s that old saying?  Charity begins at home.

What really irritates me about those charities is that…well, there’s actually two major things aside from what I just said.  First, it’s the damn religious idiots that keep these people ignorant of birth control.  If you really want to help alleviate the problem of starving children, give these people birth control and teach them how to use it.  By keeping it from them for their ignorant religious reasons, they’re creating more and more suffering in the world because more and more kids are born into poverty and starvation.  Second, I always see them walking through these crap ass villages and stuff in the commercials, but what I don’t see is them giving their shoes or their lunch that they packed for the day to any of these poor, poverty stricken kids.  Hell, just once I’d like to see one of those idiots grab a kid and say, “Hey kid, here’s five bucks, go buy your family some food for the month.”

Now don’t get me wrong.  I feel really bad that people have financial hardships, especially the people who end up with them through no fault of their own, and if I was doing really well and the right charity caught me on the right day, I’d probably give.  Right now I can’t, and I don’t want to be pestered to even after I’ve told them repeatedly I can’t afford it.  Honestly I should be like, “Sure I can send you $50, but then I’ll be poor, so you’ll just have to send it back to me.  Why don’t we just save the postage and I’ll keep the $50?  That way it doesn’t have to travel around and stuff.”

Think I’m an ass for taking care of myself first?  Ok, I’m an ass, but I’m an ass with problems, just like everyone else, and I’m sorry, but my problems come first.  Donating to a charity will get maybe 50-60% of what I give to someone who actually needs it, and it’ll help them for a very short period of time, but the time it would hurt me would be considerably longer than the time it helps them, and why the hell should I give money to some middleman organization anyway who’s going to eat up a big chunk of it with admistrative costs?  If I was ever in a position to help, I would donate actual goods or food that could be distributed and not cash that would go into the pockets of the “good folks” who run the charity.

I dunno, I’m just getting fed up.  The government is taxing us all into bankruptcy, charities are always asking for money, everyone’s always got their damn hand out.  Rodney Dangerfield said one time something to the effect of, “Everywhere I leak, they hang a bucket.”

That’s what it feels like.  The government has hung a damn bucket on our wallets and drilled a hole in the bottom so the bucket never gets full.  If people don’t rise up and make their voices heard that we want all this taxing and spending stopped, we’re all going to need charity, only there won’t be anyone left with anything to give.  I’m already at that point, and I know a lot of other people are as well.

  (Current Mood: irritatedirritated)

David Carradine, Spencer and Heidi and other general personal stuff…

June 5th, 2009   No Comments »

Man, what a shock today to find out that David Carradine was dead.  It’s looking more and more like autoerotic asphyxiation, which is something I was thinking about soon after I read the article.  This guy wasn’t depressed or anything and everyone who knew him said he’d never commit suicide.  Man, what a waste.  There are other ways to bust a nut without choking yourself to death.  Anyway, the last thing I saw him in was Big Stan.  He was absolutely awesome in it, just as he was in Kill Bill and so many other things.  It’s a real shame that this happened because he really was a great actor.  He was one of those people like Christopher Walken who when you see them on screen, they just have a vibe about them that’s special.  Oh well, at least it was probably a relatively peaceful death.  Wonder if he was smiling when they found him?  God…I’m totally an ass.  I shouldn’t be saying crap like that.  Bad me!  Bad!!!

Ok, next…

My wife got me watching that new reality show on NBC where they stick a bunch of celebs in the jungle and they have to do nasty challenges to earn food.  The stupid part is, it’s for charity.  I’ll be damned if I’d subject myself to that for charity.  Why the hell do celebs always have to do stuff for charity anyway?  Why not just let them win money for themselves and then they can decide what to do with it?  They’re people just like the rest of us.  Well, most of them are.  That brings me to Spencer Pratt and his Barbie doll of a wife Heidi.  You know, I always thought TMZ was just being mean ripping on these two constantly, but that was only because I had never actually seen them being themselves and doing their thing.  Now that I have, I have to say, TMZ didn’t go far enough.  These two are a couple of the biggest douche bag, psycho religious morons I’ve ever seen in my life!  They’re a complete and utter waste of space.  They’re both born agains, so I guess we missed our second chance to abort.  That sucks. :P    Anyway, I find it hard to believe that people that utterly shallow and stupid actually exist in this world, and what really pisses me off is that they have fame and fortune and have grown up with everything being handed to them on a silver platter, while so many of those more intelligent and more deserving have to struggle through life.  Oh well, I guess we can always hope they’ll be eaten by alligators or something while they’re out there.  Then again, maybe they should hope that as well, because I have a feeling that if they stay out there too awful much longer, the rest of the cast is going to figure out a far more gruesome way to kill the both of them.

More stuff…

Got out the new issue of Rogue Cinema despite being sick AGAIN!  Jeez, I can’t believe it.  I was sick for three weeks before the last issue with this really bizarre something or other that was going around at the time.  I don’t know what the hell it was, but it seemed like everyone I talked to practically had either had it or knew someone who had it.  This time around it was just a cold.   You know the drill…feel like crap, got packed up sinuses, etc…  Yesterday morning my sinuses broke loose finally and you know how that is.  You get this rumbling in your head like your head is being dragged over about twenty speed bumps…really fast, and a ton of brown snot breaks loose and comes pouring out like freakin’ gravy, which is a sensation that you feel not only in your sinuses, but also in a release of the pressure it’s been putting on your upper teeth.  I always found it utterly disgusting, yet highly fascinating.   I actually had my sinuses break loose two days in a row.  I thought after the first day I’d get better, but I guess it didn’t all come out because I dumped a bunch the next day too.  Right now, I’m not feeling too bad.  I think I’m about 98% over it now.  My ears are still blocked some, which makes it hard to play bass since it really thumps on my head, but they should open up soon.  God I hate being sick.  I don’t even know where the hell I picked this up.  I probably got it at Wal Mart.  All those damn genetic leftovers that bring their snotty ass kids in there spreading their germs all over the damn place…I mean jeez, that place is like a freakin’ incubator for sickness.  Anyway, I’m almost over it now and I can get back to working out and playing music again.

And now…

I want one of these for my guitar/bass rig.  So if there’s anyone out there with a few hundred bucks laying around that’s not doing anything and you’ve enjoyed B-Movie Central, Rogue Cinema or even just this blog and you happen to be feeling generous… ;)

Now this…

It freakin’ POURED here today.  Thunder, lightning, wind…the whole nine yards.  It was like the sky opened up and dumped on us all at once.  I don’t know if I’ve ever seen that much rain come down that hard before.  It was like a monsoon!  It was gone in like 20-30 minutes too.  Man…weirdness.  I really love stuff like that.  There’s something about it that’s almost like it came straight out of a fantasy.  The sheer power that nature can display at times is truly awe inspiring.

Just bit more…

Actually, I don’t know what else to write about right now.  Oh, I know!  I heard that Allison Iraheta got her record deal with the same company that signed David Archuletta.  Congrats Allison!  I can’t wait to hear her album.  As long as she doesn’t let them push her into doing pop crap, she’s going to make an awesome record.  I really wish all the best for her, especially after the way they treated her on Idol just so they could push their favorites.

And as far as Adam Lambert goes, I couldn’t care less if he’s straight, gay, bi or hangs out on street corners blowing mimes for quarters.  His personal life is his business and people should leave it alone.  Adam is a very nice, respectful, friendly and humble guy who has an amazing talent for both singing and working the stage.  He’s like another Freddie Mercury, and performers like that are few and very far between.  If he was one of those jerky types that was all attitude with nothing redeeming about their personality (i.e. Spencer Pratt) then I wouldn’t care about him in the least, but he’s actually a really good guy, so people should just accept him as he is, enjoy his performances and be happy for him.

Oh, and as long as I’m talking about idols here, there’s one other one I want to mention.  Elliot Yamin.  Holy crap, the people producing him took a whole bucket of suck and just dumped it right over his head.  It’s sad, because the guy actually is a talented singer, and yet they have him doing this utterly lame crap on his albums that are doing NOTHING to help his career.  The guy’s a great jazz singer.  He should have focused on that instead of letting them push him into all this bubblegum crap garbage.  I was in Best Buy the other day, and I had just gotten back over to the music section after punishing one of their toilets, when suddenly Elliot’s new single is about to come on.  The D.J. says that he recorded 35 songs for his new album and that only the best 12 of the batch made it on the record.  Then he goes on to say that the new single is the best of Elliots career so far.  Then he played it.  Then I wanted to go punish the toilet some more.  My god his new single sucks.  It ain’t just the single either, the video sucks too.  The video itself is stupid enough, but what they did to his hair in it…jeez, even Sanjaya wouldn’t do that to his hair!  The whole thing is just one big fail from start to finish and Elliot better take hold of his career and start making the kind of music he’s good at and that he should be making, otherwise he’s just going to be another idol who puts out a couple of albums and then pretty much disappears from public view.

Anyway, that’s it for this post.  Hope you all are doing better than I have been. :P

  (Current Mood: sicksick)

The 5th anniversary issue of Rogue Cinema is here!

June 1st, 2009   No Comments »

Hey folks, :)

This month Rogue Cinema turns five years old! That’s right, it’s our fifth anniversary issue, and we have lots of great stuff for you this month!

Interviews:

Hal Masonberg
Brooke Lewis
P.J. Starks and Rodney Newton
Jim Haggerty
Jessica De Rooij

This Month’s Sleepover Girl:

Queen of the Sleepover Girls Rachel Grubb is back with an absolutely incredible new set of photos for our 5th anniversary issue!

Articles:

Josh Samford: This month marks Rogue Cinema’s fifth anniversary. It’s been a long haul, and I don’t think any of us are really sure where the time went. Josh Samford wrote up a nice piece this month with some of his rembrances of how we got started, how he’s developed both in writing skills and in confidence over the years, and how the magazine as a whole has turned into something I don’t think any of us ever realized it would. I would like to personally thank everyone who’s ever written for us, and I’d also like to thank the indie film community for inspiring us to keep going month after month. It’s a lot of work, but despite the burnout, the turnover in writers over the years and all the other problems we’ve encountered, we keep going, because we love what we do, and we’re contributing to a community that we’re proud to be a part of.

Philip Smolen: Has there ever been a more excoriated low budget film maker than Bert I. Gordon? He’s probably had more movies ripped apart on Mystery Science Theatre 3000 than anyone else. And looking at his films with an adult’s sensibilities, it’s easy to see why. Although there were exceptions, the acting in his movies was generally rudimentary. The scripts certainly were perfunctory at best especially the ones that he wrote. Bert’s effects were always obvious. You knew where the hard matte and split screen lines were. Whenever he showed his monsters interact with his cast, they were always washed out and pale. And he showed no subtlety or nuance with his direction. It was all about getting the shot in the can and moving the story forward. He even stooped to cross promoting his films in some of his other films! In other words, he was the epitome of a 1950’s exploitation film maker. This month, Philip Smolen brings us another fabulous retrospective article, all about the films of a man who brought us a menagerie of giant creatures that have thrilled and delight people of all ages for decades.

Jason Lockard: Independent Filmmaker Jason Lockard is debuting a new series of articles this month focusing on classic cinema. Each month he’ll take you on a trip in his time machine for a look behind the scenes of a film from yesteryear! This Month he’s bringing us the comedy genius of the unmatched Jerry Lewis, in the all time comedy classic, The Nutty Professor!

Danny Runion: Another movie masups article from Danny Runion this month. He calls it, “Movie Mashups 10: Revenge of a New Beginning”. Don’t ask…just read it. He’s always got some fun mashups for us. I don’t know where the hell he comes up with them either. I’d struggle to come up with even one half way decent set of them. He’s done tons of these things and he keeps coming up with fun new stuff every month. Keep up the great work Danny!

Movie Reviews:

Bleed With Me
Desdemona: A Love Story
Exile
FIDO
From a Place of Darkness
Hell-ephone
J.R. Dada’s Excerpts
Melvin
Rifftrax: Night of the Living Dead
Rocks & Pebbles & Happiness
Sam’s Lake
Simon Says
Star Trek
Terror from Beneath the Earth
The Audit
The Baseline Killer
The Bloody Ape
The Ghosts of Goldfield
The Nut Stalker’s Revenge
The Ritual
Uptown

Book Reviews:

The Pleasure and Pain of Cult Horror Films

So head on over to Rogue Cinema (http://www.roguecinema.com) and check out all the goodness in this month’s issue.

Hope you all enjoy it!

  (Current Mood: SickSick)

Jon & Kate Plus 8 and the American Idol Finale and a thank you…

May 24th, 2009   No Comments »

Ok so tonight Sharon and I are up way late because we slept all day, and we’re sitting there channel surfing and I come across this show Jon & Kate Plus 8.  Ok, so I’ve seen the crap about this couple in the tabloids, so I figured ok, let’s see what these people are like.  Now I know it was reported that he had an affair and there’s rumors she did too and that she got all into herself with all the celebrity status and all but my god…

Ok, I’m just gonna say it, and I really don’t care who’s offended by it.  I’m friggin’ hella surprised that the stories in the tabloids about her are about her possibly cheating with a bodyguard.  The story I would NOT be surprised to see is that they found her head in a bowling bag.  Seriously, that bitch is HELLA annoying!  She’s about as bright as a two watt light bulb and apparently the only thing she has any aptitude for at all is being annoying and dropping babies like a broken gumball machine.  Jesus Christ, how the hell did these people rate their own show?  I SO don’t blame that guy if he cheated on her.  They took their kids to Disney World and oh my freakin’ god, she was annoying as hell the entire time.  Won’t walk on hotel carpets in her bare feet.  Kid gets ice cream on her shirt and the world’s coming to a freakin’ end.  Hell, she can’t even figure out how to use their damn digital camera!  Hey honey, it’s the big button…you press it and light comes out and then your kids’ souls are sucked on to some flash memory in the camera where they’ll stay for all eternity, or at least until you suck them onto the hard drive of your computer, at which point they’ll probably start milling around all the porn your husband’s been collecting because he can’t stand the sight of you anymore and then fall asleep after reading your e-mails that got sent out to everyone in your damn address book about how cute your new spikey blonde doo looks.  Sheesh!

Anyway, American Idol is over.  I guess all the bible belters are feeling particularly proud of themselves since they all got together and voted for “the believer”.  Actually, you idiots all did Adam Lambert the biggest favor you could have possibly done him.  You kept him out from under the thumb of Clive Davis and his utterly crap ideas of what’s “hip” in music today.  Now Adam can actually go out and make a decent album instead of that pop crap they always force on the winners and anyone else stupid enough to sign with them.  Now, I want to say here and now that I was hoping for an Adam / Allison finale, because they both deserved to be there, but Kris did a good job and impressed me with the fact that he said he hoped he didn’t win because of his religion or anything like that.  He wanted to win for his talent and nothing more.  He also never mentioned his religious beliefs like Danny Gokey did and never tried to push it on anyone.  He’s a good guy, and he’s a humble guy and I respect him for that.  I still don’t think he belonged in the final with Adam, but he deserved it a hell of a lot more than Danny Gokey did.

I got more stuff to talk about, but I got a grilled cheese sammich and some soup waiting for me, so I’ll do it later.  I do want to say one last thing though…

It’s Memorial Day weekend, and I want to thank anyone and everyone who’s ever served in our armed forces.  My father served in Korea and I couldn’t be prouder of him and everyone else who’s ever served.  You all deserve our deepest gratitude and thanks, and I regret every one of your lives that have been lost in defending the freedoms of not only us, but of many others throughout the world.  There is no way we can ever thank you enough, but I can just right here, right now say thank you, and I can only hope you all know how heartfelt that is.

  (Current Mood: hungryhungry)

The May issue of Rogue Cinema is now online!

May 2nd, 2009   4 Comments »

Hey folks, :)

Our May issue is packed full of all kinds of great stuff, so head on over and check it out! Here’s what we got for you this month…

Interviews:

DJ Perry
Patrick Kirst
Jennifer Lee Wiggins
Jesse V. Johnson
Lola Wallace

This Month’s Sleepover Girl:

Simply amazing Scarlet Salem makes a return appearance as our stunning May Sleepover Girl.

Articles:

Philip Smolen makes his debut in Rogue Cinema this month with an absolutely fabulous article about classic films that so artfully utilized the endlessly mysterious blob monsters. You may think of the movie The Blob when you think of blob monsters, but there were actually a lot more of them than you probably realize.

Brian Morton has his whole freakin’ summer planned out already, and I’m sure you’ll all be absolutely shocked and astounded to learn that he’s mapped out his entire summer according to all the summer movies he wants to see. I know, I know…I couldn’t believe it either, but it’s true! Anyway, all facetiousness aside (hey, there’s a two dollar word!), he’s written up a great guide to the summer movies you’re all going to want to be checking out.

Danny Runion’s at it again with his freakin’ blender. Mix and mash, mush and mangle, and what do we really get from it? Oh right, we get another article full of great movie mashups! Hey maybe in between issues he could use that blender for other things…like margaritas for the staff!

Movie Reviews:

B.T.K.
Blitzkrieg: Escape from Stallag 69
Carnivorous
Chocolate
Exile
Experiments in Terror 3
Gunheavy
Hallows Eve: Slaughter on Second Street
Jean Claude: The Gumming Zombie
Just Burried
Lexie Cannes
Omega
One Eyed Monster
The Bloody Ape
The Chosen One
The Many Strange Stories of Triangle Woman
The Other Side of Paradise
Witchmaster General

Book Reviews:

Abbot and Costello on the Homefront
Musical Groups in the Movies (1929-1970)
Western Film Series of the Sound Era

So head on over to Rogue Cinema (http://www.roguecinema.com) and check out all the goodness in this month’s issue.

Hope you all enjoy it!

  (Current Mood: tiredtired)

Why twitter is lame and the most awesomest way to get out of jury duty ever!!!

April 30th, 2009   1 Comment »

I forgot to post about Twitter in my previous post, which is something I’ve been meaning to talk about.  But first, I just found a link to this thing on The Smoking Gun about this guy who really didn’t want to do jury duty.

Here’s the link:

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2009/0430091jury1.html

Read the form letter he filled out and sent in to the court.  God, I was dying.  This thing is hilarious, but I certainly understand this guy’s feeling.  The justice system in this country is a joke, and dragging people out of their lives to serve on these stupid juries is an aspect of our system that needs to come to an end for several reasons.  First, your average person has no understanding of the law, rules of evidence, evidence gathering techniques, the science behind DNA evidence, determining time and method of death, etc…  Every time you get a new jury for a case, all that stuff has to be explained to them, and for most people, it’s just mind numbingly boring and they’re not really focusing on it anyway.  The O.J. trial was a prime example of how our jury system is a massive failure.  I’ve always advocated that being a juror should be a profession like any other profession.  It would involve education in the law, evidence, science, etc… so that the professional jurors could go into a case, hear it and then have the whole thing done and decided in a quick and efficient manner.  The jurors would be selected randomly from a pool of professional jurors and paid for their services.  The money would come from the money that was saved by not having to explain every little nuance of everything to every idiot they drag out of their regular lives who didn’t want to be there in the first place and we wouldn’t get these moronic decisions like we got in the O.J. trial.

The other reason this is a good idea is because people don’t need to be dragged out of their regular lives for this crap.  We have enough of a hard time making ends meet without having to take time off of work to deal with jury duty.  What really pisses me off is when they seat juries for civil trials.  Civil trials should be decided by a judge and a judge alone.  They have no business forcing people to leave their jobs just to sit around for stuff like that.

Now, on to Twitter…

You’ll notice I have a Twitter account and a Twitter block here on my blog where I make my Twitter entries.  Now I’m pointing that out, because what I’m about to say is going to sound hypocritical because of that, but I’m going to say it anyway and explain why it’s not really hypocritical at all.  So here goes…

Twitter is about the stupidest and most pointless fad I’ve seen hit the net in a long time.

There, I said it.  Now, why did I say it, and why do I have a Twitter account if it’s so stupid?  Well honestly, I couldn’t tell you.  I remember hearing about it when it was in its early stages and I signed up for an account and got the Twitter widget for my blog here.  Once I did that though, I noticed I didn’t really have any use for it.  The only time I ever add anything to it is when I do a new blog post, and even then it’s usually just something related to the post.  So yes I have it, and mostly I just do it out of habit now.  I have some people following me on Twitter, but again…it’s pretty useless.  If you want to blog, make your own damn blog.  It’s not like it’s difficult or anything.  If you want to have discussions with people, install an instant messenger or join a popular forum.  Honestly, I’ve looked at the kind of stuff people post on Twitter, and even more honestly, I don’t care what you’re having for dinner or how many time your kid crapped in his pants or puked on you today or even how many hotties were at the club last night.  You know why I don’t care how many hotties were at the club?  Because if you’re talking about it on Twitter, it’s a safe bet none of them touched, or even saw your penis, and since they aren’t touching mine either, I just don’t care.

Hell, just the fact that Ashton Kutcher is the most followed person on Twitter is enough to make me hate it.  Ashton Kutcher is nothing more than an elitist liberal celebrity snotty moron who really has nothing important to say, yet he’s the most followed person on Twitter.  Let’s look at the root of the word Twitter, which is Twit.  Now Twit can be used as a verb for adding an entry, or it can be used as a descriptive term for Ashton Kutcher and all the Twits that follow him, which seems ultimately more appropriate.

Will I close my Twitter account considering how I feel about it?  No.  Again, it’s simply just habit now and I do have people following me on there.  Then again, the more I think about it, maybe I will since I generally have nothing more important to say on there than anyone else.  Anything of any import I have to say I post about here in my blog anyway.  I dunno…I’ll have to think about it.

Anyway, that’s it.  Check out the post below this one too because I made both of them on the same day.  I just happened to find that jury thing after I made the first one and I just HAD to get it on here because it was so hilarious. :)

  (Current Mood: tiredtired)

I’m tired…

April 30th, 2009   No Comments »

Lately I’ve been feeling really run down both mentally and physically.  This could have a lot to do with the fact that I’ve been sick for over three weeks now.  I’m finally about 99% better, but there’s still just that tiny bit of lingering congestion that won’t go away.

Needless to say, having gone through such a prolonged illness hasn’t left me feeling all that personable and it’s been a struggle to maintain my normally stoic demeanor, especially when there are certain things and situations in my life that just eat at me and I don’t know how to deal with them without causing hurt feelings or other serious problems.  I’ve tended to be what they call a “silent sufferer” in the past, which always leads to an explosion down the road.  Unfortunately, sometimes you just have to suck it up and keep things to yourself for the sake of maintaining the relationships in your life in spite of the fact that they continually eat at you.  What the hell else can you do?

Something else I’m tired of is all this “green” crap.  Global warming is a lie and has been refuted by numerous scientists.  Many have said that a lot of their fellow scientists believe the same but don’t say it publically because they either receive funds related to it or they’re afraid of being ostricized.  Now politicians around the world are using it as an excuse to decimate the world’s economies with their oppressive “green” related taxes.

That’s all bad enough, but what I’m REALLY sick of is all these green crap in the media.  They’re all so damn snotty about it.  “Oh, I’ve gone green now so I’m elevated above you both morally and spiritually because you haven’t.”  Then there are all the commercials geared at simply making you feel like crap because you aren’t following along with the “green” philosophy.

You know what?  Screw all you greenies out there.  There I said it.  Screw you all.  I’m not going to be guilted or shamed into doing anything.  You people are no better than those anti-smoking “truthers” out there with their snotty ass commercials.  Here’s what being “green” means to me.  Don’t be wasteful and don’t purposely do things to damage the environment.  That’s it.  You don’t have to go out and spend tons of money on a hybrid car or buy “green” products that cost way more than regular products.  Just make the easy, little choices that everyone can make, and all of those little choices will add up to make a difference without all the massive taxes and political power grabbing and interference in our lives and without all the snotty “greenies” throwing their “shame on you” looks at us.

Now…what else?

Oh, Matt is FINALLY gone from American Idol.  Christ, it’s about time.  They made a huge mistake wasting the judges save on him, and now finally he’s freakin’ gone.  What was kind of strange for me on last night’s elimination was the fact that Adam Lambert was in the bottom two.  I honestly wouldn’t be surprised to see him go next for a couple of reasons.  First, Allison and Kris have shot up in popularity all of a sudden, which is awesome because we’ve been totally pounding out the votes for Allison.  She’s by far been my favorite person in the whole competition, not only because she’s cute and likeable, but because she’s got a hell of a voice and will do good music on her albums instead of that pop crap they keep trying to foist on the winners.  She could very well be the next Kelly Clarkson.  There are certainly lots of similarities there.  I like Kelly Clarkson, but she too lets some of that pop crap creep into her music.  she should stick to the rock thing and tell them where to stick their pop.

Anyway, I got off the track there.  There are a couple of other reasons I wouldn’t be surprised to see Adam go, one of which is the fact that people assume he’s going to win, which means they may also assume that he’ll have plenty of votes, so they don’t bother voting for him.  The same thing happened to Chris Daughtry a few seasons ago.  The other reason people may not be voting for him is because he’s the obvious favorite, and people might just be pulling for the also talented underdogs now.  Adam is going to have an amazing career whether he wins Idol or not.  He doesn’t need Idol now because he’s had all the exposure he’ll ever need.  The others however do need it, and it would be much more meaningful if one of them won it instead…as long as it’s Allison. ;)

Anyway, the judges have been really annoying me as of late.  I don’t know what it is, but this year they seem particularly unhelpful and annoying.  All they do is push their favorites and talk smack to those who aren’t.  They’re not even particularly creative about how they do it either.  I don’t know if it’s burnout or what, but they’re really just not up to par this year.

On to the next thing…

Man, I got a busy day ahead of me and I haven’t even slept all that much.  I have to put together the new issue of Rogue Cinema today.  Unfortunately, I’m running on very little sleep and I still have three reviews to write before I get started on it.  Fortunately I’ve seen all the movies, so they’re out of the way at least.  God today’s gonna suck.  I think I might go try to get some more sleep before I get started, otherwise my reviews are gonna suck and I’ll be totally worthless for trying to get anything done today.

God…I’m just so tired.  Tired mentally, tired physically, tired of all the crap we have to deal with in life, tired of politicians, tired of stupid people, tired of snotty people, tired of having to internalize my problems and just generally tired of life.  I wish things were different.  I wish a lot of things, but it sure as hell doesn’t change anything. :(

  (Current Mood: tiredtired)

Sickness, UPS, bowling and some other stuff…

April 20th, 2009   No Comments »

Haven’t posted in a while, so I wanted to pop in and do an update…

I’ve been sick as hell lately.  I’ve been sick for about two weeks now and this god damned cold just will not go away.  I thought I was getting over it and then the damn thing came back.  Then I thought I was getting over it, and it came back again with different symptoms.  I know it’s the same cold too because I had it, my wife had it, my friend Darwin and his wife both had it, their kids had it and a whole bunch of people I’ve talked to have had it.  God I hate being sick. :P

Then, I bought a BBE Sonic Maximizer 882i on Ebay.  It’s brand new and I got a hell of a deal on it.  The guy shipped it out right away via UPS.  Guess what though…I still don’t have it.  Why?  Well, it’s coming from South Carolina, and before the tracking even showed anything, suddenly the shipment was rescheduled for the 22nd.  So far, it’s seen more of the country than I have.  It’s been in five states so far.  The good news I guess is, I think it’s on its way now, because after the last state, it hasn’t been updated in a while.  Oh well, only two more days and I can finally get my gear whore hands on my new toy.  If you’re wondering what a sonic maximizer does,  it basically separates the bass, mids and highs with imperceptible delays that allow speakers to handle the signal more efficiently.  The end result is that the sound you get out of your gear is cleaner and far closer to the original signal.  Should be pretty sweet.  I’m looking forward to it.

Ok what else…

God Martha McCallum on the Fox News Channel is insanely hot.  She’s on right now, so I thought I’d mention that.  God, I get sterile just lookin’ at her.

Anyway, I’ve been bowling a lot with my wife Sharon and my friend Darwin lately.  I’ve always been a straight bowler because I have to protect my knees, and I always thought that was the best way to do it.  Well this last Saturday I went bowling with Darwin and since he’s a hook bowler and all the pros hook bowl, I thought I’d give it a shot.  Basically I paid for some low score games assuming that my efforts would be wasted.  Well, they weren’t.  My first game was like a 36, and my second was a 48.  Then suddenly it started to click and I got more of a handle on it, and I got a 126.  The one after that I got a 155!  Then it started going back down around the 110’s-120’s because I was getting tired and hook bowling a 13 pound ball is pretty physically demanding after a whole bunch of games.

Now, yesterday (Sunday) we went back and bowled four more games.  I got 96 the first game and like 112 the second game because for some reason I just couldn’t figure out what the hell I was doing the day before when I got the 155.  Still, for my first and second time hook bowling that’s pretty damn good.  Now the third game, I got 138.  Awesome, I was getting it back and I figured out what I was doing wrong.  My throw was wrong and I was trying too hard to hook it and it was making me screw up my shots.  So by the last game I had it down.  Boy did I!  I had like five strikes and three spares and I ended up with 182!  That’s my best score ever in bowling!  How’s that for only my 2nd day of hook bowling?  Woohoo!!!  Anyway, now that I got a handle on how to do it correctly in a way that works for me, I’m really looking forward to my next time out.  Maybe next time I go, I can go without being sick.  That should help too.

Ok what else now?

I know I can’t be the only one who doesn’t give two squirts of duck crap about Michelle Obama.  I’d like to know who crowned her the queen of style and how much they had to drink before they did it.  That doofy lookin’ broad is on magazine covers constantly and I’m sick of seeing her.  There’s nothing stylish or attractive about her, and if she wasn’t married to our worthless douche bag of a president, no one would even know who the hell she was.  “Oh my god!!!  She’s wearing a sleeveless top!  Her arms are bare!  How stylish!”  Blecch.  I fart in her general direction, and I hope she waves it on to her idiot husband too.

Oh and by the way, not only do I NOT care about what dog they got, even though I truly love dogs, but I can’t for the life of me see how in the hell them getting a dog deserved any kind of news coverage whatsoever.  They actually wasted news time on that crap, complete with an AKC rundown of the breed and all the associated info.  Yeah, that’s SO much more important than our destroyed economy, or covering the fact that Obama’s buddying up to our enemies and running around the world acting like a big pussy and apologizing for the US and all the horrible things we’ve done.  Oh, and how about all the hidden tax hikes, and the collusion with corporate interests on the new copyright treaty that’s being kept secret for “national security reasons”.  How the hell does a copyright treaty have even THING ONE to do with national security?  You know what?  It doesn’t!  He just knows how draconian the copyright laws already are, and this new deal he’s cutting to appease the corporate interests only extends that and makes it worse.  Is that covered by the news?  NO!  But we know nugget by nugget what was in their dog’s crap this morning.  Nice.  Great job you guys.  Thanks for keeping us informed!

Oh, and wasn’t that great of them to all congratulate Obama on the piracy incident and how he valiantly rescued that ship’s captain from the pirates?  Wow, we must all bow to the mighty Obama and thank him for his heroism.  Fact is, the resolution to that whole situation was delayed because of Obama and his lawyers and the limited rules of engagement.  His lawyers made him sign not one, but TWO orders, giving authorization to engage the pirates and rescue the captain.  And who did the rescue?  It certainly wasn’t Obama.  It was those awesome snipers who killed three of the pirates simultaneously.  Now that was some sweet ass shooting.  God our military is awesome!  As for Obama, I guess he was too busy flying a pizza chef in for a big pizza party to address such petty concerns in a timely manner.  In fact, he’s had tons of parties since taking office, and yet he tells all of us we have to sacrifice for the good of the economy.  Again…douche bag.

Oh, it’s nice to know too that I’m a right wing extremist too because I’m a nationalist who believes in a federal government with limited powers as our founding fathers intended.  Wonder when the jack boots will show up at my door.  Who needs that silly old bill of rights anyway?  Obama knows what’s best for us, and if he thinks people like me are dangerous, then damn it I must be huh?

What else did I wanna talk about?  Hmmm…

Our dog Rocky had a couple more seizures a little over a week ago.  We had originally thought it was something in their food or some sort of toxicity, but I guess it actually is canine epilepsy.  It was about a month and a half or more since his last one, so he’s pretty normal in that regard.  He recovered a little quicker this time around than he did last time.  Fortunately, once he’s recovered, he’s his old self again.

I’m sitting here now and I don’t know why.  I didn’t get hardly any sleep last night, I’m still sick and even though I have a ton of work I need to catch up on for the magazine, I just can’t face it right now because I feel so crappy.  Oh well, maybe after some sleep I’ll feel better.

Oh, and lastly, I want to thank Mykal from radiationcinema.com for the donation.  That was awesome of you Mykal, thanks!!!  Keep up the great work with your site!

Ok, I’m going to sleep now.  Hopefully the next time I post something I won’t be sick anymore and I’ll have bowled over a 200 game. :D

  (Current Mood: sicksick)