B-Movie Central Cheese Blog

Hey folks,

Ok the new issue is fully posted now. We only have one interview this month. Sorry about that. We’ll have more next month. We do have some great articles though, and a buttload of reviews for you this month as well as a really great Sleepover Girl. So head on over and check it out!

Interview:

Edward X. Young

This Month’s Sleepover Girl:

The super busy and multi-talented Reyna Yound is our smokin’ hot September Sleepover Girl!

Articles:

Philip Smolen has been having puberty flashbacks again, and it got him to thinking about all those great films he saw as a kid that featured other people going through changes. So that’s what he’s writing about this month. People who change into monsters. I know when I was a kid, I thought I was changing into a monster, but it turns out I just had hairy hands for other reasons.

Now that football season is in full swing Independent Filmmaker Jason S. Lockard brings us a film about one of the greatest football coaches ever to stand on a sideline, Notre Dame’s Knute Rockne All American.

Danny Runion is back with a whole new mess of movie mashups. Check it out and see what craziness he’s come up with this month. He’s got some real doozies for us this time around.

Movie Reviews:

0:22:43
9th Company
After.Life
Bloodlust: The Erotic Cinema of Tony Marsiglia
Brainjacked
Charity Hurts
City Island
Darkness (AKA T.M.A.)
Defiled
Doorways and Meander
Down Terrace
Eat Me: A Zombie Musical
Empty Trash
Enter the Dark
Evan Straw
Eyes Beyond
Faces of Schlock
Haunting Villisca
Held Hostage
Hell is Full
In Aggression
Indelible
Malevolent Ascent
Mantra
Millennium
Muckman
Night Before the Wedding
Nina
Overloaded
Piranha 3D
Prayer to a Vengeful God
Red Princess Blues
Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World
Sculpture
Solitary Man
The Absent
The Face of Death
The Maltese Murder Mystery
The Sweet Hand of the White Rose
Thriller
Unearthed
Very Little Time
Wanderlost

Book Reviews:

Screening the Mafia
The Frenzy Way
The Reel Joyce Compton

So head on over to Rogue Cinema (http://www.roguecinema.com) and check out all the goodness in this month’s issue.

Hope you all enjoy it!

I’ve been meaning to post something about this for a few days now.  That ionic bracelet they advertise on TV…what a load of horse crap that is.  They “prove” it works by grabbing random idiots in a mall and have them stand in one spot while they pull them off balance.  Then they put the bracelet on them and magically, they can’t be pulled off balance again.  Well duh!  I saw through this crap instantly.  When you yank on someone to pull them off balance, of course they’re going to go off balance.  They’re not prepared for the amount of pressure you’re going to apply, so they can’t steady themselves and tighten their muscles to provide the proper resistance to stay balanced.  The second time they know what to expect and they’re ready for it, so it’s easy for them to stay balanced.  Now I’ll bet they’ve sold tons of those stupid things to people thinking, “WOW!!! IT REALLY WORKS!!!”

What they really did was sell it to a bunch of idiots too dim to see through their advertising scam.  I bet the people who bought them tested them out when they got them the same way they did on television, and became instantly convinced it really works!  Sorry to tell you folks.  You got scammed.  Find some random family member and try that balance test on them…twice…and see if they don’t stay balanced the second time, without the bracelet.  Maybe next time you won’t be so quick to believe the scams.  Wish I had come up with it though.  Bet those people are making a fortune off those stupid things.

Got the new issue of Rogue Cinema facing me the day after tomorrow, so tomorrow I have to get five reviews done.  Gonna be a pretty light issue.  I think we’ll only have one interview this time, but I’m not positive about that yet.  Partially my fault I guess.  I could have interviewed someone.  I’ll hit someone up for an interview for the next issue.  I have five reviews I have to write between today and Wednesday before I start work on the issue.  Of the five, I had one that was great, one that was pretty good, one that was boring with annoying characters, and two that flat out sucked.  The boring one and the sucky ones I watched all today, so you can imagine how burned out I’m feeling at the moment.  I can’t wait to do my next B-Movie Central review.  I always have fun doing those.  I’m not sure why I ever took such a huge break from it, but it’s SO awesome to be back doing them again.

Anyway, nothing else much going on here.  Still massively broke and I’m still trying to figure out some way to make money that doesn’t involve scamming people.  Hey, I’m broke, not a crook.   If anyone has any jobs I can do that I can do through telecommuting or just long distance, please let me know.  Also, donations are always welcome.  I do work very hard on my reviews and the upkeep of both B-Movie Central and Rogue Cinema.  Sending me donations for my time and efforts would be very nice way of letting me know you appreciate all my hard work.  There’s a donate button on the main page of B-Movie Central and a donate link in the menu of Rogue Cinema.

Ok, I’m off to shower now.  Sharon’s coming home and I don’t want to knock her back out the door with my wall of stench.

I put this in my Facebook status today.  I know it sounds like a quote from someone, and it is.  It’s a quote from me.  I came up with it.  So if you use it, I get the credit.

They say the world’s oldest profession is prostitution. Not true. The world’s oldest profession is being a politician, as there were tribal leaders long before there was prostitution. I can see where the confusion came in though, as it was the prostitutes who learned their profession from the politicians, who had long before nailed down the finer aspects of being whores.

Wow, I’ve been busy!  Gonna get busier too.  This time it’s Assignment Outer Space.  Next up is Bela Lugosi’s The Devil Bat, but I need to get the next issue of Rogue Cinema out before I start working on it.

Hope you all enjoy the new review!

After years of neglecting the site and suffering from massive burnout due in no small part to my involvement with Rogue Cinema, I have finally found it in myself to breathe new life into the site.  Yes folks, I’m back to reviewing on B-Movie Central!

This time around, 1959′s The Manster.  So head on over and check it out.  Hopefully I haven’t lost the old magic.  If you enjoy it, leave me some comments here or in the B-Movie Central Forums.

In the news today, they reported that girls are hitting puberty earlier and earlier, and now are reaching it at ages as young as seven.

I other news today, the teacher’s union in Milwaukee is demanding that their benefits cover Viagra.

…I’m just sayin’…

Hey folks,

Ok, after a huge hang up last night with the graphics for this issue, it’s finally all posted. Here’s what we have for you this month.

Interviews:

Brooke Lewis
Jim O’Rear
Barbara Stepansky
Kerry Beyer
Lautaro Gabriel Gonda

This Month’s Sleepover Girl:

Super talented Kimberly Amato closes out the summer as our August Sleepover Girl!

Articles:

Philip Smolen loved dinosaurs when he was a kid, which is why he became so obsessed with seeking out every film he could find that had any kind of a dinosaur like creature in it. He was disappointed whe the psycho killer type films started becoming more predominant while the dinosaur monsters he had grown to love were disappearing. It’s his wish that these great old beasties not be forgotten. They should be remembered for the great contribution they made to childrens imaginations around the world. So here are a few of the greats…or not so greats depending on your point of view, that he’d like us all to remember.

It’s Elvis! OMG! He was in jail…and he rocked it! This month, Jason Lockard takes a look back at the wonderful old Elvis Classic, Jailhouse Rock.

Josh Samford takes on the movie critics. Honestly, if it was a fight, he’d kick the crap out of them. Not like they don’t deserve it, but in this case, Josh takes a look at the difference between reviewers and critics and points out why critics are douche bags and reviewers aren’t. That’s because we’re awesome and they suck. YEAH! WE RULE! Aww crap, I got too excited. Now I have to pee. Go read the article while I water the plants.

Josh has been a busy little be this month. In this article, The Importance of Inception, he takes a look at the film and discusses its importance as a beacon of creativity in today’s film scene, which has been rather devoid of interesting ideas and creativity.

James A. Roberson has been providing his comics to us to run for quite a while, but now he’s got a whole new thing where he’s writing humorous short essays based on his comics. He’s planning on putting them into a book at some point, but for right now, he’s sending them to us to run here in the magazine. For his first piece here in the magazine, he’s sent us his take on Terrible Effects.

Another month, another batch of movie mashups from that juggernaut of mashups, Danny Runion. So get yourself some nachos and a Diet Coke and check ‘em out!

Movie Reviews:

A Proper Violence
Born to Fight
Catnapping – Chocolate
Day of Vengeance
Dorm of the Dead
Driver’s Ed Mutiny
Emily in the A.M.
Harvey Putter and the Ridiculous Premise
Leach
Mr. Mullen
Nightmare Alley
Ong bak 2: The Beginning
Operation: End Game
Prince of Swine
Reverie Three
Slime City Massacre
Son of a Seahorse
Sssssss
Suburban Psycho Horror Collection
Terror Inside
The Mis-Adventures of McT & A: The Twilight Spoof
The Shiftling

Book Reviews:

King Baggot: A Biography and Filmography of the First King of the Movies
King of the Movies: Francis X. Bushman
Rudolph Valentino, The Silent Idol: His Life in Photographs

So head on over to Rogue Cinema (http://www.roguecinema.com) and check out all the goodness in this month’s issue.

Hope you all enjoy it!

I know I haven’t posted anything this month, simply because I had nothing to say, but this was worth posting about.  This guy is a complete and total badass and everyone needs to know his story and recognize him for the awesome badassedness that he emanates.  Be sure to read the main story and the side text.  This is a great story.

http://www.marines.mil/unit/imef/Pages/MarineabsorbsIEDblast,walksaway.aspx

—

Nothing going on with me really.  Same old boring life with no direction.  I realized today as I was browsing through the personal ads on Craig’s List just how little desire I have to make any new friends.  People have been a constant source of disappointment for me.  I give everything to a friendship and they either just take, hurt me personally, hurt me financially or any combination of the above.  I just don’t have the energy for it anymore.

Other than that, I’ve started weight lifting again and getting back into shape.  It was well past time for me to be doing that.  It’s funny how with weight lifting, you actually gain weight before you lose it, because your muscles get more dense and you add to them at a faster rate than you start to lose the fat.  I can visibly see I’ve lost a considerable amount of fat already, but I’ve gained four pounds or so over where I started because of the muscle.  It’s weird when you’re doing this.  You can’t watch the scale.  You just have to look at how you’re changing physically and ignore the scale entirely.  So far it’s been going really well.  I had the muscle base already after years of weight lifting.  I’m just getting it back to where it was when I stopped.  I’m not sure why I ever did stop really.  I think it was a combination of depression and laziness on my part, but I’m back to it now and it feels great.

This weekend is my 13th anniversary.  The one bit of luck I’ve had in my life is to be married to someone I absolutely love and who is an almost perfect personality match for me.  Sharon and I are and always have been best friends, and having her in my life has made it worth living.  I hope she knows how much I love her.

Anyway, that’s it for now.  I’ll post again when I have something interesting to say.

Hey folks,

Once again the magazine was late.  This time it was because a big chunk of the content got wiped out by someone’s overly zealous work e-mail server.  It finally got to me though, so now the new issue is up and running!  Here’s what we have for you this month.

Interviews:

Bob Freville
Matthew Robinson
Roxy Vandiver
Scott Goldberg and Mark Nadolski
Travis Campble and Nicola Fiore

This Month’s Sleepover Girl:

Brooke Lewis makes our summer even hotter as this month’s Sleepover Girl!

Articles:

It’s been a long while since David Stephenson has submitted anything to the magazine, but after visiting this year’s Cannes Film Festival, he got a really itchy bug up his butt to write about his experiences there.  Since it’s David we’re talking about, you can be sure that he held nothing back.

You know, brains are more than just zombie food. They also make for some pretty damn awesome monsters as well!  This month, Phil Smolen takes a look at five films in which brains were the main attraction.

Do you love archeology? What about Adventure Films? Well, this month Independent Filmmakers Jason S. Lockard brings us a film that has best of both worlds. 1954s Valley of the Kings!

I sometimes wonder if Danny Runion has a little, dark room somewhere where he sits with insense and meditation music playing so he can keep coming up with all these movie mashups. Then again, for most people, some quality time sitting on the crapper can be pretty meditative as well. Wherever he comes up with them, he’s got some all new mashups for us, so head on in and check ‘em out!

Movie Reviews:

Alphonso Bow
Balls Out
Brooklyn’s Finest
Change for a Dollar
Dark House
Deadly Beloved
Destination: Outer Space
Eyeborgs
Forbidden World
Forward/Slash
Fragile
Frank DanCoolo: Paranormal Drug Dealer
Fugue
Galaxy of Terror
George’s Intervention
Grimm Love
Heartless: The Story of the Tinman
Hell is Full
Hellraiser Deader: Winter’s Lament
In the Dominican
Legend Has It
Level Up
Nara
Pig Hunt
Road Kill
Sex Stories
Sex and the USA
The Crazies
The Darkest Corner of Paradise
The Haunting
The Tomb
Traces
…a Thousand Words

Book Reviews:

Evelyn Brent: The Life and Times of Hollywood’s Lady Crook
Olive Borden: The Life and Films of Hollywood’s Joy Girl

So head on over to Rogue Cinema (http://www.roguecinema.com) and check out all the goodness in this month’s issue.

Hope you all enjoy it!

The room was dark, save for the dim light that filtered in from outside.  The glow of the city’s numerous lights reflected off the surrounding atmosphere, making it appear lighter outside than it should be for this time of night.  The cold glow bathed the room and it’s contents in a faded, grayish hue as it filtered through the blinds.

He laid there quietly on his stomach, staring blankly at the window, examining the shadows painted on the blinds by the large bush that grew just outside as though it were some random splatter of black paint, slathered upon a canvas by a drunken artist, or an ink spot used to delve into the psyche of a disturbed mind.

It was 1 a.m., and sleep would not come to him on this particular evening.  He found his eyes, wandering about the room as his body lay sprawled out upon the bed, face down, head turned sideways on the tightly folded pillow, one leg straight and the other bent so that just his knee was hanging over the edge.  His arm hung over the side where his fingers dragged lazily along the floor as he moved his hand in a nervous swing, scraping his nails along the carpet.  He could feel two dog toys that he had only moments ago laid to rest there once his young border collie, after a hard night of pestering and playing had finally fallen asleep beside him.  Though the toys were several inches away, their nearness to his hand bothered him in some intangible way.  He could sense their presence, and it eventually bothered him to the point of moving his hand forward just slightly, trying to gague the distance between his fingers and the toys.  They were distant enough that it was unlikely that he would actually come into contact with them through his normal movements, and yet, their nearness bothered him to the point that he finally felt the need to reach forward and move them a bit farther away.  There, now that that was settled, he could go back to staring at the window.

The fan, which he kept next to the bed to keep him cool at night, was blowing with its usual quiet hum.  He always found comfort in this sound, and had become quite dependent on having some sort of a droning noise such as the fan or a hair dryer (in the rare cases that he found himself to be cold), in order to fall asleep.  Sleep never came easily, or lasted very long without it.  This was often a huge source of consternation with his wife however, as she always complained that it made her cold.  The dog however, loved the fan, and would often sleep directly in front of it, whichever way it was blowing, which often made it very difficult to turn over in the night, and even more often lead to a sore body in the morning.  Tonight however, the dog was sleeping happily between them, and the man had all the room he wanted to sprawl out languidly.  Unfortunately, the sleep would not come, no matter how desperately he tried to reach out to it.  He closed his eyes and tried to relax, but soon found himself once again staring blanky at the shadows on the blinds.

His lips parted slowly, and he had to make a quick suck, lest the saliva that had collected there escape onto his pillow, as it had done so many nights before.  His eyes wandered the room again, falling upon the fan.  Reaching out, he slowly turned the fan, which had heretofore been facing his legs and feet, so that it was now blowing more onto his upper body, where it would do a far better job of keeping him cool.  He was hot, and his wife was now asleep, so hopefully she wouldn’t wake up and complain.

Minutes passed, and each one felt like hours, as they always did when one simply lays quiety and stares into the darkness.  “So, what now?” he thought to himself as he lay there, feeling the cool, gentle brushes of the fan’s air pass over him.  It was becoming more and more uncomfortable to lay in this position, but he knew that turning over wouldn’t provide much relief.  The simple fact was that he wasn’t going to be able to fall asleep.

A few more minutes passed.  His eyes wandered about the room, and his thoughts kept turning to just how he would describe this scene, were he to write it all down, and what would be the point of it if he did, and did it even matter?  Did there need to be a point?  Perhaps, once it was written down, he would finally be able to fall asleep.  It was worth a shot, wasn’t it?