The Wolf Man

Year Of Release: 1941
Running Time: 70 Minutes
DVD Released By: Universal
Directed By: George Waggner
Writing Credits: Curt Siodmak

Filming Location: Unknown

Starring: Claude Rains, Warren William, Ralph Bellamy, Patric Knowles, Bela Lugosi, Maria Ouspenskaya, Evelyn Ankers, J.M. Kerrigan, Fay Helm, Lon Chaney Jr., Forrester Harvey

Tagline:
I was unable to find any taglines for this film.

Alternate Titles:
Destiny (1941) (USA: working title)

Interesting Bits of Trivia:
Lon Chaney Jr., like many actors of his day, had a very prolific film career, which spanned no less than 173 movies. In one of his later films, Spider Baby, he even served as the vocalist in the title song. Lon Chaney Jr. was born on February 10, 1906 and his given birth name was actually Creighton Tull Chaney. His father was a very famous character actor in silent films, and Lon was actually born while his parents were on a theatrical tour. Despite his father's fame, Lon did his best to make it on his own, without calling on his father for help. This included supporting himself in his early years by working various jobs as a plumber, a meat cutter's apprentice, a metal worker, and a farm worker. It was not until his father's death in 1930 that Lon went to work in films. His first appearances were under his real name (he had been named for his mother, singer Cleva Creighton). He played number of supporting parts before a producer in 1935 insisted on changing his name to Lon Chaney Jr. as a marketing ploy. Chaney was uncomfortable with the ploy and always hated the "Jr". addendum. But he was also aware that the famous name could help his career, and so he kept it. Never as versatile as his father, he fell more and more into cheap and mundane productions which traded primarily on his name and those of other fading horror stars. His later years were bedeviled by illness and problems with alcohol. He died in San Clemente, California on July 12, 1973 of liver failure.

Rogue Reviewers Round Table Review: June 2003
Review Topic: "The Monsters That Scared Your Momma!"




Cast Of Characters
Sir John Talbot: I couldn't have asked for a better screen shot of this guy. I mean, just look at the emotion on his face. Look at the pain and shame in those eyes. Oh, and how about that toupee monster that latched itself onto the top of his head? Hell, I'd make a face like that too if I had some toupee monster poopin' on the top of my head three times a day. Anyway, this is Sir John Talbot. He's Larry's father and the owner of the Talbot Estate which includes Talbot Castle. Jeez, with all that money, you'd think he would have been able to afford a more natural looking hair piece than that.

Larry Talbot: This is Larry. I know he looks pretty dopey in this picture, but he's actually a pretty nice guy once you get to know him. Unfortunately for him, he spends the last third of the movie running away from people who want to kill him. I mean, he could still live a normal life, even though he is a werewolf. All he needs is a good razor and a heavy duty manicure set. Hell, he looks better as a werewolf than most people do when they first get up in the morning. So he's really not all that bad. Give the poor guy a break already will ya people?

Dr. Lloyd: "Oh I have dentures yes I do - because they help me chew chew chew - spicy foods I like to eat - can't get off the toilet seat... Hmmm...what's for dinner tonight? Oh boy! We're having steak and corn on the cob! My Favorite! I used to have to gum the corn off the cob, but ever since I got these super cool dentures, I just run through that cob like a hot knife through butter. Hmmm... Seems like I was supposed to be somewhere tonight. Oh well, nothing's more important than corn on the cob!"

This is Dr. Lloyd. He took care of Larry after his first encounter with the werewolf and he was always the one sticking up for Larry when Paul wanted to pump him for information. He's a nice guy, but he really didn't have all that big of a part in this film. In fact, his part in my character section is almost as big as his part in this film was.

Col. Paul Montford: This guy's a total jerk sometimes. Other times he's ok. I mean, I understand his desire to solve the murders, but he and Larry were supposed to have been childhood friends. You'd think he'd be looking more to help Larry than to prosecute or kill him. Jeez! With friends like that, who needs enemas? Oh right...Tor Johnson does. I almost forgot.

Frank Andrews: This is Gwen's fiance and also the game keeper on the Talbot estate. He doesn't have a very big part in this film, but he does ok with what he has. He comes off as a nice guy, and that's all that really matters. Too bad he's the guy who kept Gwen from getting closer to Larry earlier on. I mean that whole getting married thing kinda gets in the way of romance now doesn't it?

Bela: "Lobo! You were too rough with my patient! No wait a minute, that's not right. Beware, beware, beware of the big green dragon that sits on your doorstep. He eats little boys, puppy-dog tails, and big fat snails. Beware, take care, beware. No...uhhh...Pull the string! Pull the string! No that's not right either. I am sorry my friend. It's the garlic. It doesn't agree with me. Damn it, vat ze hell movie was zis again?"

I am so ticked off that Bela Lugosi didn't have a bigger part in this film. I can't even tell you how irritated I am by that. Anyway, this is Bela. Original huh? He and Maleva were the two gypsies that entered the village and started this whole mess. Bela reads fortunes, but unfortunately for everyone involved in this film, he's also a werewolf. Actually, in this shot he looks more like an organ grinder than anything else. Where's-a-you monkey funny boy?

Maleva: "Hey Bela, where is dat idiot Dr. Lloyd? It's my night to have them teeth, not his. He better clean them things before he brings them back this time too. The last time he had them he ate corn on the cob and it took me three hours to get all the little bits of corn out of 'em!"

This is Bela's mother Maleva. She helps Larry with his little night time furriness problem, but in the end, she's unable to save him from his unfortunate fate. I wonder what they used for denture adhesive back in 1941?

Gwen Conliffe: She's purdy isn't she? She looks like she should be hangin' out with Julie Andrews on some mountain somewhere with bluebirds flying around her head and stuff. Anyway, she's engaged to Frank, but she also has a thing for Larry. Unfortunately, her love for Larry was never meant to be. I mean, seeing as how he turned into a werewolf and tried to kill her and stuff...well...I mean it's hard to feel the love when all that's goin' on. I guess that with all the turmoil in her life, it's good that she has her daddy and their antique store to fall back on. I was going to include her daddy in the character section, but unfortunately for her daddy, they never even once gave him a good facial shot in this picture. It's ok though. He didn't have a very big part anyway.

Jenny Williams: This chick was annoying. This was Gwen's friend that horned in on her and Larry going to have their fortunes read. She also has the unfortunate distinction of being victim #1 after Bela turns into a werewolf and tears her throat out. You know...I was happy when he did that. It's a shame he ended up dead. They should have given him a reward or something.

Victor Twiddle: This guy had probably the smallest part in this movie, but I had to put him in here just because I liked this character shot. He was Paul's assistant. Basically he just hung around being scared and taking notes on everything. I'm not even really sure why they put him in this picture considering he had such a completely insignificant role. Maybe he was the producer's cousin or something.




The Plot

Larry Talbot returns to Talbot Castle after spending many years abroad studying. The passing of his brother due to a hunting accident makes him the next heir to the Talbot estate. So after making things right with his father and re-discovering the village he knew as a child, he meets the lovely Gwen Conliffe who works at the family antiques store in town. That afternoon, the gypsies came back to town, and that's where the trouble begins. That night, Larry, Gwen and her friend Jenny all go to have their fortunes told by the gypsies. Unfortunately for them, one of the gypsies was a werewolf, and what happens next would change Larry's life forever...or at least until the end of the film, whichever comes first.




What The Hell???
1. Hey! Cool titles on this one. The letters look all furry. I wonder how hard someone had to think to come up with that one? Anyway, it's been a long time since my last review, so please bear with me while I get back into the swing of things. So let's see here... Well, we start off with some opening credits that actually showed each character so that you'd know who everyone is and be able to associate the faces with the names. I guess it's kind of a good idea, but if you're like me, you'll have forgotten who every single one of them is by about three seconds into the movie. So now we get to the opening scene. Wow!!! I don't know if I can take all this excitement!!! It's a slow, panning shot of some encyclopedias! Why, if I had known this movie was so exciting, I'd have reviewed it a long time ago! Ok ok, I know I'm not being fair considering we're only a few seconds into this. I'm just getting myself warmed up so the rest of the review will be up to my usual standards. Someone just took one of the books out and opened it to an entry on lycanthropy. It talks about how a small village near Talbot Castle is still having some gruesome experiences with werewolves. Whoopie. How about we get on with the action here? Or is that too much to ask? It is? Well then forget this. I got a chicken that needs shaving and I still need to water the sofa. No no, don't try to stop me. What? You'll give me twenty bucks to sit here and work on the review? Oh all right, I'll stay. God, I'm such a friggin' sellout.

2. So we get to the first real scene now. Oh wait a minute, I want that twenty up front. Come on, hand it over cheap skate or I'm leavin'. Ok, that's better. Now we're square. Now I can pay for my grandma's prostate exam. Yeah I know women aren't supposed to have a prostate, but grandma's always been a little weird. I mean, I never have figured out all that facial hair or why she has to stand up when she pees, but still, she's doin ok I guess. At least she's still got all her teeth. Actually, she's got two sets in the night stand and I found the other set lodged into a turkey leg last night, so she's cool unless she loses her super poly grip. I mean, it's really disgusting watching her eat spaghetti when her teeth are floppin' around in her mouth. Anyway...uh...oh great. Now I forgot where I was. Oh yeah yeah yeah, the opening scene. Almost forgot there for a second. Well we have a chauffeur driving some guy who looks like a cross between Ricky Ricardo and Humphrey Bogart in this really cool old fancy convertible. The guy's smoking a cigarette, which couldn't be an easy thing to do in a convertible, since the wind would flare up the tip so much that you'd be lucky to get three puffs off it before you were burnin' your fingers. Then again, I guess it's cool if you're trying to quit and the gums and the patches just ain't doin' it for you. I mean, burned fingers is a pretty good incentive to quit smoking. Yeah...um, well that was an exciting scene. We come in on a close up and the chauffeur says, "Talbot Castle Mr. Larry." So this my friends is none other than Larry Talbot, who just happens to be played by the great Lon Chaney Jr.. At least we're finally getting into the meat and potatoes of things now.

3. So they arrive at the castle and are greeted by Sir John Talbot who just so happens to be Larry's father. At least as far as he knows... Anyway, I'd like to mention here that Lon Chaney Jr. was six feet three inches tall and you can sure see it in this scene. His father's head only comes up just slightly higher than Lon's neck because he's got this ridiculous looking poofy hair on his head that looks suspiciously like some kind of a bizarre toupee. Not that it really matters or anything, but it does look kinda funny. So anyway, they head on into the castle and John introduces his son to Col. Paul Montford. He's the chief constable around these parts, and he's every bit as tall as Larry. Man, there's gotta be a missing link in this town somewhere. All I've seen so far are really tall people and really short people. Anyway, it turns out that Larry and Paul already knew each other. Apparently they used to snitch apples together when they were kids. And now Paul grows up to be a cop? Man, they ought to get Mr. T to come and interview him for some kind of an inspirational video for kids. I pity the fool who don't listen to Mr. T!!! He's the kinda guy who just scares the kids into listening to him. Some kid in the back row would be trying to sell pot to the kids next to him and Mr. T would just growl at him and he'd like never touch pot again in his life. But enough of this jibba jabba, let's get back to it. Paul quickly says good bye and takes off. After he leaves, Larry looks up at this painting over the fireplace and we see that it looks just like him. He tells his father that he's sorry about John. John's the guy in the painting, and apparently he was Larry's brother and named after his father. I say was because he's dead now. His father says that John's death was a shock to them all. Turns out he died in a hunting accident. I can see it now. He's out rabbit hunting. He shoves the barrel of his gun down a rabbit hole. He pulls it back out only to find that it's now been tied in a bow. Bugs bunny hops up out of the hole and takes off. John aims the gun at him and pulls the trigger. BOOM!!!!!!! The gun explodes in his face and kills him. Now if this had been a cartoon, he'd still be alive today. As it is, he's dead. Poor John. Poor, poor animation challenged John. Let's all have a moment of silence in his memory... Ah forget it. He was probably a rich snobby jerk anyway. Turns out that Larry actually left home because of him. See, Larry was the second born son, which I find rather odd because they totally look like twins. So because Larry wasn't the eldest son, he was left out of the castle's affairs and what not. So now that his brother's dead, I guess he's come back to stick his nose in everything. Larry and his father just made things up and shook hands, deciding that they'd work to heal that distance they used to have between them. Just then, two butler lookin' guys come walking in packing this big wooden crate. It's a part for the telescope that Larry's father has mounted upstairs in his observatory. Must be nice to have money flying out of your butt every time you fart huh? Anyway, they both follow the other two guys up the stairs so Larry can check out this really nifty telescope. I wish we had a bug in Larry's head. I bet if we did, we'd hear this. "Hey that's cool. That'll be mine after I kill him. Oh and look at that...mine. And that...mine. Man I can't wait for this old fart to go to sleep so I can sneak into his room and kill him." Nah, I guess we wouldn't hear that. This movie's too old and innocent for that. Or is it? Better sleep with the light on there pops. Sonny boy might be paying you a visit tonight.

4. Now we're up in the observatory and Larry is suddenly a mechanical genius. He just installed the new part in pappy's telescope and now everything's working great. His father asks him where he learned such precision work. Larry says he worked at an optical company in California and they did some work on an observatory. Well isn't that convenient? So pappy's happy and he heads off for lunch. Larry sits down and starts looking around the town with the telescope. After peering around a bit, he finally catches a glimpse of this total babe standing in a window preening herself. Naturally he plays peeping tom for a while, and then he aims down a bit and sees that she's in a room above Charles Conliffe's antique shop. Naturally he has to head over there now. I mean, how could we ever further the plot line in this movie if he didn't? That leads us into our next scene by the way. So why are you still reading in this one. There's nothing more going on. The scene changed. Ok, you see that little slider bar on the right side of your browser window? Well click on it, hold the mouse button down, and pull back towards you. If you're doing it right, you'll be able to read the next scene here in #5. If you haven't yet mastered the fine art of using a mouse, then it's a safe bet that every clock in your house is flashing 12:00 and you probably haven't yet figured out the complexities of the television remote. Oh wait a minute...there you go. Now you're on #5. Don't you feel better? Phew, you had me worried for a second there. I thought all the rest of my fine writing was going to go to waste. Now I can breathe easier in knowing that yet another one of my fine readers will enjoy my witty and delightful musings in their entirety. What? Oh yeah, #5. I guess you'd like to move on now huh? Ok, here we go...

5. Larry peeps in the window and then heads on in. He's greeted by the chick that he was peeping at with the telescope. She's working behind the counter. He comes over and says that he's looking for a gift. Something in ear rings. She shows him some diamond ones and some pearl ones, but he doesn't want those. He has to go and ask her for some half moon shaped ones with little gold spangles on them. She says that she doesn't have any like that and he's all, "Oh yes you have. Don't you remember? On your dressing table up in your room." She looks kinda shocked, and who the hell could blame her? I mean here comes this guy in off the street who she doesn't know from Adam and all of a sudden he knows what's on her dressing table? I mean, the first thing that would say to me is that this guy is some kind of a psycho stalker or something. As for Larry, he should get a good bitch slappin' for saying something like that. By all rights, he should have her hand print permanently dented into the side of his face right now. I mean jeez, what a moron. Fortunately for him, she takes it all in stride and tells him they're not for sale. Then she says that perhaps her father can help him and that she'll go get him. He says that won't be necessary, and that since he can't have the ear rings, he'll get a cane instead. She asks him how he knew about the ear rings up in her room and he tells her that he's psychic, and that every time he sees a beautiful woman, he knows all about her. Yeah, good one there Larry. She'll really believe that one now won't she? You putz. Anyway, he starts futzing around with the canes trying to look all suave and what not. She shows him one with a gold top. He's not interested. She shows him one with a dog head for a handle. Cute, but doesn't suit him. The next one has a handle made out of a silver wolf head with a star at the back. He asks her what it means and she explains that it's the symbol of a werewolf and that every werewolf is marked with it and sees it in the palm of his next victim's hand. He thinks she's just trying to scare him, but then goes on to say he'll take the cane. Then she asks him if he's ever seen her before and he says, "Of course. How do you think I knew about the earrings?" Oh gee I don't know. Maybe you saw them on the dresser that night when you snuck into her room to smell her panties or something. God this guy's a putz. Anyway, she says she doesn't remember them ever meeting, and he suggests that they go for a walk this evening and talk all about it. She says no, but then on the way out he says he'll pick her up at eight. She says no again, and then walks outside with him right behind her. She starts looking over that this arched entryway into town, and she sees two gypsies riding in on carts. That would be Maleva and Bela for those of you who are keeping score. After they pass by, Larry notes that they're gypsies and Gwen tells him that they're fortune tellers and that they pass through there every autumn. He's all, "You know I haven't had my fortune told in years. How about tonight?" She says no again and walks back into the store and shuts the door behind her. He says through the door, "Fine, I'll be here at eight." Now the guy may be a putz, but you really gotta admire his persistence. Then again, I guess being persistent is the only way a putz like him could get a date in the first place.

6. Back at the castle, Larry is sitting there with the cane talking to his father about the sign of the werewolf. John tells Larry that it's definitely the sign of the werewolf there on his cane, and Larry asks him if that's not just a legend. John says that like most legends, it probably has has some basis in fact and that it was probably an early explanation for some kind of a split personality disorder. He goes on to recite the same poem that Gwen did earlier about how anyone can be a werewolf. Then they start talking about Gwen and blah blah blah. Basically a pretty boring scene. Just as much of this movie has been so far. I hope it picks up soon. It may be a classic, but the only fun I'm having so far is laughing at my own jokes. Still, we're only about twelve and a half minutes into the movie at this point, so there's still time for it to pick up.

7. It's night time now, and Gwen just walked out of the shop. She's standing around outside lookin' around like she was waiting for someone. Larry comes popping around the corner, and after a little small talk, she finally agrees to go with him. But there's a catch. This friend of hers, Jenny Williams, wants to go have her fortune told too. Larry agrees and they all three head off to the gypsies arm in arm. Now isn't that sweet? Jeez, I almost feel like there should be a musical number now or somethin'.

8. So now that we're off to see the gypsies, naturally we find that they're set up out in the woods somewhere nearby. The ground is covered in fog, as you would expect it to be in an old werewolf movie, and generally the whole scene looks pretty creepy. Oh man. Ok, this is getting bad. They just walked up to this bush and Jenny is all excited because it's wolfsbane. She picks some, and recites that same stupid poem about how anyone can turn into a wolf when the moon is right. Man, I swear, if one more person says that damn poem, I'm gonna turn into a werewolf myself and go do the hunchback in their corn flakes. Jeez, and I thought my recycling of the japanese teeth magic joke was bad. At least I did that in multiple reviews. This is the third time we've heard this same poem now in the same movie. I'll go ahead and put it here so you can see what it is

 


Even a man who is pure of heart
And says his prayers by night
May become a wolf when the wolfsbane blooms
And the autumn moon is bright


 

He's all, "So you know that one too huh?" and she's all, "Of course. Everyone knows about werewolves." Yeah honey...sure they do. Everyone except Larry apparently.

9. So now we're at the gypsy camp. The weird thing here is that I always thought gypsies traveled in groups. Right here all we got is Bela and his mama. Maybe Bela was eating garlic again and drove the rest of the gypsies off when he succumbed to the evil eye of flatulence? Who knows? Anyway, they did a great job on this gypsy camp. Everything looks awesome and spooky. I can't even think of a single thing I'd have done differently. So let's have a standing ovation for the set designers here. So far, every scene and setting in this film has looked great. Anyway, they go walking into camp and walk up to Bela. Jenny's all, "We've come to have our fortunes told. Can you really read the future?" Bela replies, "I will not disappoint you my lady." Jenny's all eager, so she goes in first. She sits down and Bela has her cut the tarot cards. While she's in there, Larry finally talks Gwen into going for a walk with him. He says that if she goes for a walk with him, maybe he can tell her fortune. Yeah...again, smooth one Larry. Well apparently this time it was smooth enough, because Gwen and he head off into the forest for a little walk. I don't know what's goin' on here either, but the forest seems about three or four times foggier than it did when they walked up to that gypsy camp. Oh man. He just admitted that he was looking at her through her window with the telescope. She gets upset, but he tells her that he was only testing out the new refractor and he happened to spot her. She tells him that it's only fair that she lets him know that she's engaged, and in fact, she shouldn't even be here. He's all, "Oh, but you are here." Man, this guy is suave isn't he? Go get her Larry! Actually, she's pretty damn beautiful. I guess if I found a woman like that I'd be all over her like a bum on a bologna sandwich too.

10. Uh oh, this isn't good. We're back at the fortune reading with Bela and Jenny now. She's asking Bela if he can see when she'll be married. Bela gets this distraught look on his face and takes the flowers off the table and throws them onto the floor. This doesn't bode well for Jenny. You know it's funny. I can almost see the words "Victim #1" stamped on her forehead. Oh man, Bela's got something on his forehead too. It's a star. I don't know if it's a tattoo or what it's supposed to be, but it's a big outline of a star. Maybe it's supposed to represent the pentagram or something. They sure could have done a better job of making it look like a real pentagram. I mean, as nice as everything else in this movie looks, that's pretty hokey.

 


Lesson #1. If you want to go to a KISS concert made up like Paul Stanley, then you need to put the star over your right eye...not on your forehead.

 
He's resting his head in his hand now and looking totally bummed out. He's probably irritated that his mother did such a lousy job in helping him with his make-up for the concert. But what can you expect from a funky old gypsy woman with no dentures? I mean jeez, he should have known better. Anyway, he comes back to life now and asks her for her hands. He tells her that her left hand shows her past, and her right hand shows her future. So she gives him her hands...and big surprise here folks. He sees a pentagram in her palm. She gets freaked out and asks him what's the matter. He tells her that he can't tell her anything tonight and that she should come back tomorrow, and then he gets up and starts to walk away. She calls after him asking him what he saw and if it was something evil. He turns to her and tells her to just go away and to go quickly. She freaks out and goes running off. Naturally she dropped her wolfsbane in front of him as she leaves. What a moron. So as she goes running through the forest looking for her friends, Bela turns into a frisbee dog and goes chasing after her. She's dead now, but as the Bela wolf was eatin' on Jenny, Larry and Gwen heard her screams. Larry ran to where he heard the sounds and fought the wolf off and killed it with his really nifty cane. Unfortunately for him, he's destined for a life of fleas and kibble now, because the wolf bit him before he managed to kill it. Gee, I hope they don't end up taking him to the vet to get his sack cut off. That would totally suck even more than being a werewolf. Gwen finally catches up and finds him. He's on the ground and pretty out of it. Maleva comes driving up in her cart at this point. She asks what happened to him. Gwen tells her he was attacked by that wolf and asks her to help him. Maleva says that she must take him back to the camp and asks Gwen to help him into the cart. Now I must say that I'm highly disappointed that the great Bela Lugosi was only in this movie for about three minutes total. That not only sucks, but it double dog sucks. He should have been the werewolf king or something. Instead he was relegated to playing a gypsy fortune teller for three minutes. I mean, he didn't even get into the wolf man makeup or anything. They used an actual dog for the scene. That's just not cool man. Not cool at all.

11. Back at the castle, John and Paul are having a drink and chatting about Larry. The butler goes to open the door and in comes Gwen and Larry followed by Maleva. Larry's messed up bad, and Gwen tells John and Paul what happened. She also says that Maleva helped them, but by this time Maleva is out the door and gone. Ah the mysterious gypsies and their magical ways. Anyway, some guy comes in now and tells them all that Jenny's been murdered. Paul goes to check it out and says that he'll send Dr. Lloyd to have a look at Larry. Ok, that scene was a big snoozer. Let's go on to the next one.

12. We're out in the woods now, and the police and Dr. Lloyd are examining the body. Victor Twiddle is there. He's like Paul's assistant or something because Paul just had him write down Dr. Lloyd's findings about the cause of death. Good ol' Vic isn't doin' too good though. In fact, he's so scared that he's probably going to need a change of drawers pretty quick here. Over around the other side of the tree, another cop finds the body of the gypsy who is now back in his human form, and quite dead. The cause of death was that his skull was crushed by some sort of a blunt instrument. They find Larry's cane there as well. Gee guys, do ya think that could be what killed him? They're acting like it's some important clue and they can't figure out how it fits into the whole scheme of what happened. Anyway, Good ol' Vic is writing everything down like a good little boy. Oh, that's the end of the scene. I think there could have been more dialogue here. This could have been a much more interesting scene if they would have extended the dialogue and examination of the crime scene by about two extra minutes.

13. It's morning now, and Larry's just waking up. There's a knock at the door, and as he hops out of bed and puts his robe on, his father comes walking in with Dr. Lloyd and Paul Montford. Paul shows Larry the cane and asks him if it's his. Larry says that it is and that it's the one he killed the wolf with. They all kinda look at each other, and then his father speaks up and tells him that Bela the gypsy was killed last night and that they found his stick next to the body. Larry says that he only saw the wolf. He says that it bit him and shows the doctor his chest.

 


Oobie doobie doobie - Take a look at my boobies!

 
There's not a mark on him. Larry's all confused now and says that it must have healed up. Paul wants to ask him some questions now but Dr. Lloyd intervenes and says that Larry needs to rest now. Finally Paul and Dr. Lloyd walk out and leave Larry alone with his father. Larry jumps up and grabs the cane and looks it over. He's all upset because they're treating him like he's crazy and acting like he killed a man when he knows he killed a wolf. Well even you'd have to admit Larry, things don't look too good for you right now. Oh, and something just occurred to me. I was sitting here wondering why Larry was able to cave in Bela's skull with the cane when werewolves aren't supposed to be hurt by normal stuff. It's because the wolf's head on the cane was made of silver. That's why it killed him. Whew! Glad I cleared that up. I was thinking maybe there was just some stupid plot mistake or something. What a silly bunt I am. (Monty Python fans will get that one. It was from a bit they did where Eric Idle couldn't pronounce the letter C.)

14. Downstairs, Paul, John and Dr. Lloyd are discussing theories about what happened. John thinks that what probably happened is that Jenny was attacked by a wolf and Larry and Bela both came to help her. It was dark, and in all the confusion, the gypsy was accidentally killed. Then Paul brings up the fact that Larry was injured the night before and now there's not a mark on him. They all kinda just drop the matter eventually and Paul promises not to question Larry again until he gets an ok from Dr. Lloyd. Now here's another scene where nothing was really funny, so let's move on. I'm eating some neapolitan ice cream by the way. I only mention it because it's about the most interesting thing that happened during this scene, and I felt like this entry needed a little something. Wish I could find the damn ice cream scoop though. I'm sick of bending up our spoons trying to get it out of the package. I got more bent spoons in this house than Uri Geller.

15. Looks like night time now, and two women just walked out of some building as a hearse cart drives up to the cemetery where Larry is waiting.

Lady 1: "It's the gypsy fortune teller."
Lady 2: "And the man who killed him."

Yeah, that's nice you ol' busybodies. Now get outta here before I knock you both down and steal your dentures. God I hate nosy people. Anyway, Larry follows the two guys through the cemetery, and they take his coffin into what looks like some kind of a cathedral. They leave, and Larry walks up to it like he wants to have a look at the body. Before he has a chance to though, Maleva and some priest come walking in. Larry hides as the priest and Maleva are going back and forth about religion. He says that they can't bury him without a prayer, and Maleva says that there is no need because he's in a better place now. Then the priest starts bitching about the gypsies and their pagan rituals of dancing and making merry when someone dies. She says that for a thousand years the gypsies have been burying their dead that way. The priest gets all huffy and walks away. What a self righteous, arrogant bastard. How she wants to bury her son is her business. I hope she puts a whammy on him and makes him get a boil on his butt the size of a basketball. It would serve him right. So he's gone now and Maleva goes over and opens the coffin. She says a sad poem and tells Bela that his suffering is over now and he can finally find peace. She closes the coffin lid and leaves, and the Larry goes over to the coffin and starts weeping uncontrollably. It might actually be a touching moment if it didn't come so completely out of nowhere. He walked over to the coffin looking a little depressed, but then boom! There goes the water works. I think the director should have done a little better job directing this scene so that it looked more natural. But then again, I'm sure he was bored and just wanted to get the scene overwith...much like me actually. So here we go.

16. We go to the Conliffe's house / antique shop now. Charles Conliffe is telling Gwen not to worry and that there's nothing they can accuse her of. Then he suggests that she go up to her room to lay down. She says she doesn't want to, because as soon as she closes her eyes she sees Jenny. Charles gives up and walks back into the main shop. As he does, a group of five extremely pissed off women come busting in the shop wanting to know where Gwen is. Charles asks them what they want to know for and the lead bitch...er...lady says she wants to know why she left her little Jenny all alone with the gypsy. Charles says it's probably because she didn't want to be around while the fortune was being told. Then the...ok I'll say it...the bitch says that's a lie and that she only wanted to walk out in... And that's when Charles stops her and says that she mustn't speak about Gwen like that. Then they start bitching about how he let her go out walking with another man while she's engaged to Frank Andrews. Charles says she didn't do anything wrong, but they just keep bitching at him. Man, if I was him I'd grab my shotgun and chase them the hell out of my shop. No one, and I mean NO ONE would talk about my daughter that way. Especially after what she'd been through. He says that she did nothing wrong and tells them to all get out of his shop. She says that she's not leaving until she gets some answers about what Gwen was doing while her daughter was being murdered. One of the other bitches pipes up just as Larry walks in the door. She's all, "I'll tell you what she was doing!" Well Larry had only been there for a couple of seconds, but he had pretty much heard enough. He comes busting in and shouts, "All right tell me. Come on, come on speak up. What was it!" All the bitches freak out now and leave while Larry stands there with his cane in his hands looking all pissed. Once they're gone, Larry walks over to Charles and apologizes for getting Gwen into all this mess and insists that they weren't doing anything wrong. Charles says he knows that and that he trusts his daughter. Larry says that he hopes that Gwen didn't hear all of that. He asks if she's there and Charles says that she's in the parlor. He asks if he can see her and Charles says of course he can. So Larry walks into the parlor and he and Gwen start talking. She asks him just what exactly did happen the night before, and he tells her what happened as best as he could remember it. She says that maybe there wasn't a wolf and that it was dark and maybe he was just confused by all the werewolf talk. Larry wants to know why everyone is trying to make him feel like he's the one that's confused. Just then, someone comes through the door of the shop. It's Frank Andrews. He asks Charles if Gwen is there and Charles says that she is but that she has company. Frank guesses that it's Larry and says that it's ok because he wanted to have a word with Larry himself. So he heads on back into the parlor with his doggie by his side. As soon as Frank and his dog enter the parlor, the dog starts barking at Larry.

 


"You know, if you guys are having trouble solving this whole thing, I might know someone who can help. His name is Scooby and I hear he's really good at solving mysteries. He works cheap too. They say he'll solve any mystery for a pepperoni pizza. My cousin knows a pug who knows a collie who knows a great dane that sniffed Scooby's butt a few times. Maybe I can send out a few pee mails and see what I can come up with? Whatcha think?"

 
Frank looks confused and tells his dog to be quiet. The dog won't stop, so Gwen tells him that he'd better take the dog outside. While he's gone, Gwen tells him that she and Frank grew up together and that Frank was the game keeper on Sir John's estate. Frank comes walking back in now and Larry reaches out a hand and says that he's glad to know him. Frank doesn't shake his hand. In fact, he doesn't say anything at all. He's just got this kinda almost scared look on his face. Larry takes the hint and says that he'd better be going now. Guess what he does next. Go on guess. Ok ok I'll tell you. He leaves! Man I totally wasn't expecting that. Were you? After he's gone, Gwen asks Frank why he was so rude. He says he's sorry, but he couldn't take his eyes off that walking stick of his. He tells her to be careful. That there's something very tragic about that man, and he's sure that nothing but harm will come to her through him. Well maybe so. But then again, I guess as long as she doesn't do something stupid like drop wolfsbane at his feet, she'll be ok. She's too pretty to kill.

17. It's later now, and Frank and Gwen head on out to the Gypsy funeral party. Jeez, it's a regular carnival. There's dancing and music and laughter and games. What a blast! Larry's at the party as well, and he spots Gwen and Frank before they spot him. He turns to leave, but Frank spots him walking away and calls out to him. They go over and ask them to join them for some fun. See, Frank's all trying to be nice now so Gwen won't think he's jealous. Poor Larry...now I feel sorry for him. He's stuck hanging out with a girl he wants real bad and her fiance. It's a bad situation when you get involved in something like that. Anyway, they just happen to be standing in front of the shooting gallery, so Larry and Frank take up arms to have a go at it. Larry's up first, and he's hitting everything that pops up...that is, until a wolf target popped up. Larry became visibly shaken at that and hesitated for quite a bit before he finally got this determined look on his face and shot at it. He missed. Frank takes a shot at it and down it goes. Frank asks him if he wants to have another go, but Larry just tells him that he wins and then goes walking off. John and Paul are watching all of this from a distance. John says that he's just unstrung and that the long trip has taken its toll on him. Yeah, well that and being turned into a werewolf can pretty much take its toll on anyone now can't it?

18. Larry walks out past Maleva's tent. She's all, "You've been a long while coming." and he says, "I'm not buying anything." She's all, "And I am not selling anything. I expected you sooner." Larry says that he remembers her from that night in the crypt. She tells him to go inside the tent. Once inside, she says that he killed the wolf. He says that there's no crime in that. She tells him that the wolf was Bela, and he freaks out and tells her that it wasn't Bela and that it was just a plain, ordinary wolf. She explains to him that a werewolf can only be killed by an object made of silver. A silver bullet, a silver knife, or the silver head of a walking stick...like his.

 


"My dentures! I got my dentures back! Oh I'm so happy that I'm positively glowing! I look happy don't I? I mean, I'm really trying to make a happy face here. Is it working? Do I look happy? Ah to hell with it. Where's the damn dental floss? I gotta get the corn outta these things before I cast my spells tonight. The last time I tried casting a spell with corn in my dentures, I messed up one of the words and everyone in the camp ended up with a screaming case of the runs and a bad case of hemorrhoids. Boy you should have heard the screamin' comin' out of that outhouse. Man, I was about as popular as a turd in a punchbowl after that one. Now...uh...what the hell were we talking about?"

 
She offers him a pentagram necklace and tells him to wear it over his heart always. He doesn't want it initially, but then takes it after she explains that anyone who's bitten by a werewolf and lives, becomes a werewolf themselves. She says that the pentagram medallion she gave him will break the evil spell, and then asks him if he dares to show her the wound. He shows her, and then she tells him to go, and may heaven help him. Larry goes running out of the tent and then Maleva comes out and whispers something to one of the other gypsy ladies. She freaks and starts spreading the word to all of the other gypsies. It looks like they're all packin' up to get out of dodge. Paul was watching the whole thing again from the distance. He's always watching everything from a distance. This guy's really starting to give me the creeps.
19. John is walking away through the gypsy camp and spots Gwen. He says that he thought she left with Frank, and she says that they had a quarrel. He walks her over to someplace quieter so they can talk. She asks him about the charm, and he says that the old gypsy woman gave it to him and that she said he was a werewolf. Gwen can't believe it. He says that he doesn't need the charm, but he wants her to have it because it'll protect her. She wants to know from who, and he says, "Me. Just in case." He puts it around her neck and she says that she never accepts a present without giving one in return. She offers him a penny, but he says it isn't enough. Then he kisses her. Suddenly the gypsies start bustin' up their camp in a mad rush to get the hell out of Dodge. He stops one of them and asks them what's going on. The gypsy says that there's a werewolf in the camp and then he takes off to finish packin'. Gwen says that she has to go too and takes off running. Larry stands there looking dumbfounded, and then he has this really weird fading scene memory sequence about a whole bunch of things. Finally he comes to his senses and takes off. Man, just when he gets a kiss from Gwen, all this crap had to happen. Sucks to be Larry doesn't it?
20. Larry's home now. He just ran in and now he's lookin' at the back of his hand. He's starts feeling himself up and then begins to rip off his clothes. He runs over and looks in the mirror just to make sure that everything's all in place. It is. But then he realizes that he hasn't checked under his drawers yet. So he takes off his pants, and DAMN! That boy's got some hairy legs! So he has this kinda desperate look on his face, but there's nothing he can do about it. He's changing into a werewolf. After a semi-slow transformation scene that only really involved his legs, he goes out for a little night time stroll. Now what I don't get is, if Bela actually turned into a real wolf, then how come Larry is still walking like a normal person? How come he didn't fully turn into a wolf like Bela did? What the hell's the story here? Anyway, he's out walkin' through the woods on the foggy ground. He stops by a tree and spots some dude digging a grave.
 


"Now that I'm a werewolf, I guess I'm gonna have to get used to this whole doin' the hunchback thing. I wonder how the other werewolves keep it from sticking to their fur?"

 
Now I guess my question here would be, why the hell is anyone out in the middle of the damn night diggin' a grave. Oh well, I guess he was diggin' his own grave, because Larry just killed him. Now how cool is that when your victims dig their own graves and save everyone else the trouble. That's real considerate that is. I think Larry would have been fine and gotten his kill cleanly if he hadn't have howled after. Everyone in the damn town heard him and now Paul is out in the street calling up to poor ol' frightened Victor and asking him if he heard that. Victor's all, "Of course I heard it. Otherwise I'd be all snug and warm in bed!" Paul says that it sounded like a wild animal and that it might be some beast that the gypsies left behind. Gee, I guess it kinda is...isn't it?

21. So all the cops are out in the cemetery now along with Dr. Lloyd. He says that the victim died of a severed jugular, just like Jenny Williams. The cops find what look like wolf prints. So now I got another big question. If he's still walkin' around, then how come his feet didn't leave human like prints. I mean, he didn't turn fully into a wolf or anything, so how come he left wolf prints behind? God, even a five year old would have to wonder that. Who wrote this thing anyway? I guess I could scroll up and find out, but I'm tired and I just want to get through this. I'll make a voodoo doll of the writer later on tonight and stick pins in all the naughty bits.

22. Now we're back in Larry's room. There's muddy wolf prints leading over to the bed, and Larry is all passed out. OH MY GOD!!!! Larry just woke up with the worst case of pillow head I've ever seen!!!!! Check this out!

 


Man, I don't even have a comment for this one.

 
Anyway, Larry's checkin' himself out now and he just found the star mark on his chest. Someone should have told these people that there's a difference between a star and a pentagram. So he sees the wolf prints on the floor and starts scraping them all up and getting rid of them. He gets over to the window and sees Frank walking around outside following the wolf tracks. Larry knows the truth now and he's scared to death.
23. Larry gets dressed and goes downstairs. His father tells him that Richardson the grave digger was killed last night and the tracks lead right up to this house. Larry says he doesn't understand any of this and his father explains lycanthropy to him and then they talk about good and evil and how some people see it as black and white and some people see it in all different shades of gray and blah blah blah. Basically just a bunch of philosophical junk. At least I got a goofier screen shot of John out of this scene. Anyway, John finishes off by saying that he doesn't believe that man can change into an animal, but that a man's mind can do powerful things. But with all that said, the church bells are ringing now, so the whole town has to go listen to some self righteous priest bitch at them and tell them how they're all going to hell unless they do what he says.

24. We're out in front of the church now, and that bitch from the antique shop is there and she's spouting all sorts of things about Larry and saying that there weren't any murders until he showed up and blah blah blah. I swear this bitch never shuts up. So John and Larry arrive and everyone files into the church. They all have a seat except for Larry who is standing at the back of the room. Everyone notices that he didn't come in and sit down, and after a very pregnant pause, he finally leaves. God I hate self righteous people.

25. So we're back at the castle now with Dr. Lloyd, Frank, John and Paul. Paul is holding a clay imprint of one of the wolf's tracks. It's huge. The problem is, it's bigger than the tracks that were in Larry's room earlier. How about a little continuity here folks. Or is that too much to ask? Paul says he's thinking of sending the track to Scotland Yard for analysis. They tell him there's no sense in that because it's clearly a wolf. Larry comes down now and they ask him what he saw in the woods that night. He tells them that it wasn't a wolf...that it was a werewolf. Paul makes some jokes about hunting it down and having a stuffed and mounted werewolf for a trophy. That doesn't sit too well with Larry, but then Dr. Lloyd pipes up and says that he wouldn't joke about it. Larry asks him if he believes in werewolves, and he starts talking about how the mind can do amazing things. Even to the point of controlling the body. They talk about it a bit more and then Frank goes out to lay some traps and Paul goes with him. After they leave, Larry goes upstairs and John tells Dr. Lloyd that he doesn't like what he said to Larry about mass hypnotism. Dr. Lloyd tells John that his son has had a great shock and it has left him with some mental trauma. He tells him that the best thing he can do is to send him out of the village so he can get treatment and get away from the source of his trauma. Naturally John's pride gets in the way and he'll have none of it. Poor Larry. He's like, "Thanks dad! Maybe next father's day I'll make you my special rat poison stew."
26. So Frank and Paul go out and lay some massive, really gnarly lookin' leg traps, and then as fast as the scene changes, it's night time once again. There's a howl, and then we see Larry's feet walking through the forest. His big ol' hairy feet. He is a werewolf after all. Anyway, he gets caught in a leg trap and gets all pissed off. He starts rolling around on the ground and growling and what not. The hunting party is out with their lanterns and their dogs and their guns. Larry managed to pull the trap out of the ground and made it quite a ways before he finally passed out with the trap still on his leg. The hunting party lost the trail, but they keep looking. Maleva comes driving up in a cart at this point. She sees Larry all passed out on the ground and then says some stupid saying and tells him to find peace, if only for a moment. She waves her hand over him and he turns back into a human. He wakes up and naturally he's freaked out as all hell. He asks her what she's doing there and she says she came to help him. He jumps up on a log and starts working on removing the trap from his leg. We can hear the dogs now as the hunting party draws near. Maleva tells him to hurry. Yeah, gee really? Nah, I thought I'd just hang out here for a while with a freakin' trap on my leg and wait for the guys in the hunting party to blow the crap out of me so that their dogs would have something to gnaw on in case they were feeling a little peckish tonight. Jeez, hurry up she says. Sheesh! Anyway, two guys from the hunting party catch up with him and ask him what he's doing there. He tells them that he's doing the same thing they are...hunting. He walks away from those two guys, and then another member of the party comes over to them and asks them who they were talking to. They say it was master Larry. So the first two guys leave now, and Frank comes over and asks what's going on and asks him who that is walking away in the distance. The guy tells him that it's Larry Talbot. And as the scene ends, we see Larry limping the hell off into the night.
27. Larry makes his way back into town and goes to the Conliffe's antique shop. He throws a few pebbles at Gwen's window, and she finally wakes up and comes to see who it is. She rushes downstairs and lets him in. He tells her that he's going away. She begs him to let her go with him and he tells her that he's going alone. He says, "You wouldn't wanna run away with a murderer would you?" She says he's not a murderer...he knows he's not. He says that he doesn't know who he'll kill next and that it might even be her. She tells him that she still has the charm that he gave her to protect her, and he says he knows that, but he's afraid. Then he looks at her hand. Guess what he sees in her palm. Go on, guess. No it's not that you sick puppy. Jeez, they haven't even known each other all that long yet. It's a pentagram. That means that she's going to be his next victim. He backs away and she freaks and asks him what's wrong. He tells her that it's her hand. She says she doesn't see anything. Gwen's father has come down the stairs now. She tells him that she's going to pack her things and go with Larry. He freaks out big time now and says that it's no use as he bails out the door. Jeez, some guys will come up with any excuse to avoid commitment now won't they?

28. It's either later or the next day now. Larry is in his suit again and about to walk out the door. His father stops him and asks him if he's going somewhere. Gee, he's walking towards the door. Yeah genius, he's going somewhere. If he was smart he'd be going to get a baseball bat so he could beat that stupid lookin' toupee off your head. Anyway, Larry tells him that Bela the gypsy was a werewolf and that he killed him with that silver cane, and that Bela bit him and that he has the mark of the werewolf now. His father doesn't believe him and thinks that he's just going insane. Larry mentions the old gypsy woman and his father instantly assumes that it's been her filling his head with all these ideas about him being a werewolf. He tells his father that he got caught in a trap tonight and he doesn't know how he got there. The old gypsy woman helped him escape. His father's all, "Listen to me. You're Lawrence Talbot. This is Talbot Castle. Do you believe those men can come in here and take you out?" Larry says no and that he'll go out to them because he can't help himself. John says that they'll make sure he can't go out to them then. So they go in another room and John straps Larry into a chair so that he can't move. He bolts the doors and windows so that nothing can get in or out. Just so he can show Larry that all of this is in his imagination. John is called to go help the hunters, and Larry insists that he take his wolf cane with him. John doesn't know why Larry's insisting on that, but he agrees and leaves with the cane. Now if he'd have just stayed in there with his son where he belonged, he would have seen that Larry was telling the truth. But nooooooooo... Heaven forbid he listen to his own son. Jerk.

29. So we're out in the dark, foggy woods again now. Frank and Dr. Lloyd and Paul are all in this really nifty tree fort lookin' thing. John is walking around the ground below. They ask him about Larry and he tells them what he did. Dr. Lloyd seems concerned, but that's about the end of it. John goes walking off into the woods by himself now. The old gypsy woman is sitting out there in her cart, and she startles him. She asks him if he's not afraid of the night. He says that she just startled him. She's talkin' smack to him now, and all of a sudden there's a lot of shooting. John goes running back to the stand leaving Maleva there in her cart. The guys at the stand are all swearing that they hit the creature dead on, but Dr. Lloyd says with a smirk that it takes a silver bullet to kill a werewolf. Gwen runs up to Maleva's cart now. She asks Maleva if she's seen Larry. Maleva tells her to stay out of the woods because the hunt is on and that she had better come with her. Gwen says that she has to find Larry and Maleva says, "You had better come with me, or he will find you." Gwen goes running off to look for Larry anyway despite Maleva's warning. I can't really fault her for being stupid or anything. She just cares about him and wants to help him. She's not dumb like most chicks who do this kind of thing. She's just blinded by her desire to help him. Unfortunately for her, Maleva was right, and shortly after Gwen started running through the woods looking for Larry, he did find her. He's stalking her now, and things don't look good for the beautiful Gwen. Oh what will become of this beautiful young girl? Will she ever leave these woods alive? Will I be able to make it through the last three minutes of this movie without falling asleep? Let's find out.

30. Larry is running after Gwen, and all the hunters are out searching for him. He grabs Gwen and she screams and tries to fight him off. Just as she faints, John comes running over. Larry attacks him, and John fights him off with the silver headed cane. Somehow, and don't ask me how, he manages to beat Larry to death with it. Maleva comes over once Larry is on the ground and John has won the fight. She says the same poem she said over Bela's body and then as they both watch, Larry turns back into his human form. John is watching the transformation in shock and he looks down at the cane in his hand and then back to his son. Maleva drives off in the cart just as the hunters arrive. Paul says that the wolf must have attacked Gwen and Larry came to the rescue, and then he tells John that he's sorry. Only John and Gwen know the truth now. It's a sad and tragic ending to a rather boring movie. Don't you think?




Best Quote

"Fighting against superstition is as hard as fighting against Satan himself."

- The old priest bitching at Maleva because of the way the gypsies were going to celebrate Bela's death. - (Reviewer's Note: Sure padre. Why don't you look in the mirror sometime and say that same thing to yourself. What makes you think your way is any better than hers you self righteous jerk.)




Video Clip
When prompted, enter bmovie for the username and central for the password.

The Wolf Man
This is the final climactic scene where Sir John kills the dreaded werewolf, who unbeknownst to him, was in fact his own son Larry. Ain't life a bitch?



The Conclusion
This was actually the first Lon Chaney Jr. movie I had ever seen. I wasn't even really sure what he looked like out of make-up when I saw this one.  After watching this film though, I've determined two things. First, Lon Chaney Jr. was a good actor, and second, he seems to have gotten stuck with some really boring material. I was expecting a lot more from this movie than it delivered. I certainly expected more action, but I also expected the continuity to be better. There were a lot of continuity errors in this film that could have been avoided if someone had just been thinking a little and paying attention to detail.

Now despite the story being boring, this movie actually did have quite a few good points. The set design was gorgeous and created a perfect setting for the story in nearly every scene. The camp where Jenny, Gwen and Larry first encountered Bela was just amazingly perfect. There wasn't one detail that I would have changed. The acting was quite good as well, with Evelyn Ankers turning in a great performance as Gwen. She was sweet and beautiful and believable. She was a character you actually cared about to some degree. Lon Chaney himself did a good job with the rather limited character he was given to work with, and Maria Ouspenskaya did a wonderful job playing the old gypsy woman Maleva. The one thing that really irritated me is that Bela Lugosi didn't have a larger role in this film. He was such an amazing actor and such an incredible screen presence that it was a waste sticking him in a bit part like this. I mean, what the hell were they thinking? They had a living legend working for them and they barely used him!

My biggest complaint about this film is that it was boring. There was very little action and way too much drama from characters that you didn't really care all that much about. The only people I really cared about in this film were Larry and Gwen. I kinda had a soft spot for Bela too, but he wasn't around long enough for me to even get into his character.

Some of the scenes in this film, as I mentioned above, could have been longer and more developed. It seemed like the writers almost had some kind of a hard time limit set for how long this movie was going to be, and they made it fit into that time frame. Just off the top of my head I can think of one scene that would have been great to have had in this film. They could have shown Larry transforming into a werewolf at the end and breaking out of the bonds of his chair, and then show him escaping the room by destroying the door or the window or whatever. I mean, it would only be like maybe a minute or so extra, but it would have added so much. I did enjoy this movie. I mean, I wasn't hating life while I was working on this review, but still, as classic and as famous as this movie is, I guess I came into it expecting a lot more than I got.

Despite whatever problems it had though, it was still a great movie, and as such, I'm going to give it...

B-Movie Central's Rating: 4 Bees

Purchase this film from Amazon:
or

Purchase this film from Movies Unlimited:
or




Movies I've watched since my last review...

Hiruko The Goblin (10/10) - I watched this one again with a friend of mine just recently. This is just one of the best Japanese horror movies I've ever seen. It's about a teacher who finds a gate under his school that leads to the hellish domain of Hiroku The Goblin, who was sealed there by a spell placed upon a stone doorway. Hiroku has very literally the coolest looking demonic monsters I think I've ever seen in a film and it serves up some genuine scares as well as a lot of fun and a few good laughs. You can usually find this movie on Ebay, but I haven't been able to find it in my other usual spots. I highly recommend this film.
The Hot Chick (10/10) - I love Rob Schneider movies. They're my guilty pleasure much like my buddy Todd feels about his Steven Segal flicks. The Hot Chick was really fun and had lots of great humor. Rob Schneider is just a superior actor who doesn't really get the credit he deserves. There's little inside jokes thrown in here and there, as well as cameo appearances by Adam Sandler. For those of you who don't know, Adam Sandler and Rob Schneider are really tight and they often have repeating joke references that run from film to film. Lines like, "You can do eeeeeeeet!" or "That's a huge bitch!". The best reason to watch this film though...Anna Faris. She is just a goddess who walks on earth and simply the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. She looks simply amazing in this film, and the cuteness of her acting style just makes her an all around pleasure to watch. I highly recommend this film as well.
Baseketball (10/10) - I watch this movie quite frequently because it's one of my all time favorite movies and I never get tired of watching Trey Parker, Matt Stone, and Dian Bachar working together on the screen. The three of them have appeared in three films together, and all three have been great. The three films were Cannibal The Musical, Orgazmo, and Baseketball. I don't think there's any comedic acting teams out there that could ever match up to the magic that these three guys create when they're on the screen together. If you haven't seen this movie, you really need to.
Six-String Samurai (10/10) - I didn't think I'd like this movie before I watched it because I figured it was going to be like another Buckaroo Banzai and totally suck. I was pleasantly surprised however when I discovered that not only does this film NOT suck, but it's actually really damn cool. It would take too long to explain it, but if you want to see a really damn bizarre film that's totally cool and a lot of fun, then this is the one to see.
Flash Gordon's Trip To Mars (10/10) - I have the 3 disc box set from Image of all three of the original Flash Gordon serials starring Buster Crabbe. This is the second serial in the set and I think it ended up being my favorite of the three followed closely by the first one called Space Soldiers. These serials are usually around 12 to 14 episodes and are just about the best innocent and cheesy fun you could ever hope to have. I can't recommend these serials enough to those of you who are classic film lovers. You have to love cheese to watch them though. If you're one of those snotty people who can't appreciate a good old cheesy movie, then don't bother. You're not worth Flash Gordon's time.
Flash Gordon Conquers The Universe (8/10) - This is the third and final serial in the original Buster Crabbe Flash Gordon series. I'm not really enjoying it as much as the first two mainly because they changed a few of the original characters, and it's kind of throwing me off a bit. Like, Prince Barin is being played by a different actor in this one, and I really miss the guy who played him in the first two. Watching it on it's own, this one is just about as good as the first two, but if you've seen the first two first, then this one seems just a little disappointing in comparison just because of the actor changes and what not. The important characters are still played by the same people though, so it's not like it was a complete cast change.
Escape From New York (8/10) - I just watched this one recently for the first time in more years than I can count. I've probably seen this film about five or six times in my life, and I never really appreciated how fun it was until we watched it at one of the Rogues IRC Gatherings. We were having all kinds of fun with it, and it really gave me a new appreciation for this film.
Old School - Unrated (7/10) - I had heard this film was funny, so I grabbed it. Although it is funny, it not as funny as I had hoped, and I think the casting of Luke Wilson in the lead role was a mistake. He just didn't really fit the part, and the part itself was poorly written. The supporting actors in this film were what really made the film worth watching. You won't be disappointed if you watch this film, but you may not get the laughs you expected either. Definitely get the unrated version though because I would imagine that it's way better than the stupid R rated one. It sucks when films have to be edited down just so they can get an R rating instead of an NC-17. The MPAA rating system should be done a way with because it's totally unfair and completely lame. If you're interested in how screwed the rating system is, just look up Trey Parker's problems that he's had with them. The fights he had over Orgazmo and the South Park movie were both really messed up.
Smokey and the Bandit II (8/10) - It's only been in the last year or so that I re-discovered how much fun the old Burt Reynolds movies were. The Smokey and the Bandit movies and the Cannonball Run movies, Stroker Ace and what not were all just fun movies. Both Smokey and the Bandit movies are a lot of fun, and even though I liked the first one more, this one is not to be missed. The premise of this one is that they have just a few days to get an elephant from Miami to Texas, and if they can do it in time, they get $400,000. The problem is, the elephant is pregnant, which naturally creates an opportunity to bring Dom DeLuise into the film as an Italian gynecologist who comes along for the ride to take care of the expectant mother.

Unseen Things: Origins



My series of contemporary fantasy / sci-fi novels, Unseen Things is now available through the official website, Amazon, Smashwords and other online retail sites.

BMC Facebook Page




Donations

If you enjoy this site, please consider making a donation.

alt

Affiliates




Login Form