Godzilla vs. Monster Zero

Year Of Release: 1966
Running Time: 95 Minutes
DVD Released By: Simitar
Directed By: Ishirô Honda
Writing Credits: Shinichi Sekizawa
Filming Location: Japan

Starring: Nick Adams, Akira Takarada, Jun Tazaki, Akira Kubo, Kumi Mizuno, Keiko Sawai, Yoshio Tsuchiya, Godzilla, Rodan, and King Ghidorah starring as Monster Zero

Tagline: I was unable to locate any taglines for this film.

Alternate Titles:
Battle of the Astros (1965)
Godzilla Vs. Monster Zero (1970) (USA: video title)
Great Monster War, The (1965)
Invasion of Astro-Monster (1965)
Invasion of Planet X (1965)
Invasion of the Astro-Monsters (1965)
Invasion of the Astros (1970) (USA: armed forces circuit title)
Kaijû daisenso Kingughidorah tai Gojira (1965) (Japan: reissue title)
Monster Zero (1970) (USA)
War of the Monsters (1965) (literal English title)

Interesting Bits of Trivia:
Godzilla's victory dance after defeating King Ghidorah on Planet X was thought up by actor Yoshio Tsuchiya. This film wasn't released in the United States for five year because of the death of star Nick Adams. Adams had apparently committed suicide a few months after filming was completed and it was felt that it would inappropriate to release the film so soon after his death. Nick Adams died in 1968 from an overdose of a drug he was taking for a nervous disorder. Nick was also a good friend of the late James Dean.

 

Rogue Reviewers Round Table Review: February 2003
Review Topic: "Godzilla vs. The Rogues"

 




Cast Of Characters
Tetsui Teri: This is Hiromi's boyfriend and an aspiring inventor to boot. He invents this thing that makes the most insanely hideous noise you've ever heard in your life. There's something special about this noise though. The noise this thing makes actually has the power to bring down the aliens who are trying to conquer the Earth. Look at this screenshot though. Doesn't he look like someone who be more at home in a cup-o-noodles ad?

Hiromi: Here we have Fuji's sister and the most air headed person in this movie. She doesn't contribute to the story at all except to serve as a link between Fuji and Tetsui. I mean, it wouldn't be so bad if she wasn't so totally dumb, but as it stands, it makes you want to cringe every time she comes on screen with that whiny voice of hers. I look at this screenshot and all I can think about is that she looks like one of those bobble head dolls.

Dr. Sakurai: This man is a serious scientist. In fact, he seems to be the head scientist at the Space Authority. There's not much more to say about him than that though. He doesn't really do anything interesting and doesn't really have an overly integral part in the movie, but at least he helps out and doesn't do anything stupid. Actually, now that I'm looking at him... Doesn't he look like the kind of guy who'd fart in a Japanese restaraunt and then try to blame the smell on some bad sushi?

The Controller: Ummm...no comment...

Fuji: "I am Fuji. I am Japanese. Look at my fine Japanese teeth. Hey! What are you doing on top of my sister??? Get off her or I will use my Japanese teeth magic to drive you away!" Sorry, I couldn't resist. As you already know, this is Fuji. He's the Japanese astronaut from the Planet X mission, and both he and his sister Hiromi work for the World Space Authority. I sure wish I could figure out how he manages to make it look like the words don't match his lips. Must be some more of that Japanese teeth magic in action.

Glenn: "Oh mighty genie who wears a turban...turn this water into bourbon!" Doesn't that look like what he'd be saying in this shot? Anyway, this is Glenn. He's an American astronaut who must have won a radio show contest or something, because he's gotten an all expense paid trip, clear to the other side of the solar system, just to see a Devo concert. Now how cool is that?!?!

Ms. Nomokawa: She's actually an alien but she falls in love with Glenn and wants to be married to him. She's actually a very attractive woman for a chick who's controlled by a computer. Unfortunately for her and Glenn, theirs was a love that was not destined to be, and she ends up getting vaporized by her own people for betraying them. A sad story really, don't you think? No??? What kind of a cold hearted beast are you???

Mr. French Fry: I call this guy Mr. French Fry because of what he was doing when we first saw him in the movie. They never actually said his name, but he's the guy that runs things for the controller down on Earth. He doesn't really have much of a part in this movie, but with a name like Mr. French Fry, I just had to put him in here!

Godzilla: Ah yes, Godzilla. The cornerstone of the Kaiju genre and the baddest dude on the block. Even big bad Leroy Brown won't mess with Godzilla. In this film, Godzilla plays a very tender and loving role. When he gets done smacking Ghidorah around, Ghidorah's probably feeling pretty tender. And we all know that Godzilla loves stompin' the crap out of the local architecture. So there ya go...tender and loving. He also plays the comedy up in this film, as displayed in his victory dance on Planet X and his boxing scene during the final battle. Very funny stuff!

Rodan: Doesn't Rodan look like he's just waking up with a hangover in this picture? Actually, he kinda was. I bet he had one helluva headache after he got free of the aliens control beam. He helps out Godzilla in this movie, but Godzilla does most of the work. Rodan mostly flies around and breaks stuff. Believe me though folks, this is one bird you do NOT want flying over your head. I can't even imagine the impact that must occur every time he drops a poop from the sky. Especially when you consider that he can fly at super sonic speeds. Imagine the velocity involved!

Monster Zero (A.K.A. King Ghidorah): I apologize for this shot. It was about the best one I could get because Ghidorah's heads are moving around constantly and it makes it a total pain in the butt to get a decent shot of him. Anyway, this is the monster that the aliens have dubbed Monster Zero. He's know as King Ghidorah by the Earth men and he's a pretty tough customer. This three headed beast is pretty much constantly shooting lightning from all three of his mouths, and he can fly, and he doesn't seem too overly affected by the beating he gets from Godzilla and Rodan. Basically, picture any woman you know with PMS and no chocolate in the house, and you got King Ghidorah.




The Plot
After detecting some stray radio waves, the Space Authority on planet Earth sends two astronauts up to investigate. The radio waves are emanating from a previously undiscovered planet that lies beyond Jupiter called Planet X. This planet is inhabited by computer controlled aliens let by one central leader called The Controller. He tells the Earth men that his planet needs to borrow Godzilla and Rodan so that they can rid themselves of Monster Zero. In exchange for the cooperation of the Earth, the aliens promise to give mankind a wonder drug that will cure all diseases. The Earth men agree, only to find out that they were tricked and that the aliens now have control of all three monsters and they're coming to take over the Earth. Will the humans figure out a way to stop the aliens before they destroy all life on the planet? Will Godzilla ever become the heavyweight champion of the world? Will Rodan ever be able to do anything besides provide the comic relief? All of these questions and more will soon be answered.



What The Hell???
1. Woohoo! My first Godzilla review! I've been planning on doing one at some point anyway, but the Rogues forced the issue with this Godzilla vs. The Rogues roundtable. I've been a big fan of Godzilla movies ever since I was a kid, so it's actually going to be a pleasure for me to do this review. Godzilla, or Gojira as he is known in Japan, is probably the biggest star in a whole genre of movies that are known as Kaiju films . Kaiju basically means monster, and over the years, more Kaiju films have come out of Japan than you could have ever imagined even existed. These included monsters like Godzilla, Gamera, Rodan, Mothra, Mecha Godzilla, King Ghidorah, Megalon, Gigan, and many others. These films came to be famous for rubber monster suits, humorous battles between titanic monsters stomping around on miniature sets, and at least in this country anyway, English dubbed Japanese actors. I would like to mention one thing here before I get on with this review. It's a rant more than anything really, but I feel that it must be said before I go on. There was a movie called Godzilla that was made in 1998 starring Matthew Broderick. This film featured a monster that in no way represented anything even close to the real Godzilla and it was a horrendously bad idea on the part of everyone involved, from the script writer who wrote that crap to the studio that funded it. I personally see that film as nothing more than an insult to the Godzilla series of films, and for anyone who really cares about keeping purity in the Godzilla series, please avoid this film at all costs. I know, I know... You're saying to yourself, "But Duane! You have that movie listed in your DVD database. How come you're telling us to avoid it even though you own it?" Well the simple fact of the matter is that it was a birthday gift from my parents. I would have never bought the film on my own and truth be told, I've never actually watched the entire film. I caught the last half of it or so on a movie channel once, and that was enough for me. Give me a rubber suit, a miniature set, and monsters flying around on strings any day of the week. I don't know why Hollywood always feels the need to take something really cool and ruin it by trying to remake it into something it isn't. Someday, I plan on writing up a rant article about all the movies that Hollywood remakes that never needed to be remade in the first place. Anyway, with all that said now, let's finally get this review started.
2. The movie starts out with the credits running over various shots of a rocket ship, a UFO, and a bunch of radar dishes. There's some very sinister music playing in the background. You know the kind. It's the kind of music that says, "There's some serious poop that's about to come down the chute!". Really creepy stuff man...seriously. So now we're in space, and we see a title thingy that says, "A mysterious planet has been discovered beyond Jupiter, and Earth has launched an exploratory space ship.". The cool part is that now we get to see said spaceship rocketing through space at near warp speed! Well not quite warp speed...more like sub-light speed. Well not quite sub-light speed...more like faster than a speeding bullet. Well not quite faster than a speeding bullet...more like, well...it's standing still and someone is moving a starry background behind it. It still looks pretty cool though. I must say that the Japanese had a tendency to make niftier lookin' space ships than most of the rest of the world's film makers back then. Their space ships tend to look like really cool children's toys from the fifties. You know, the kind. They were the ones that had a slogan like, "Hey kids! Travel to the moon and beyond with your very own X-Rocket! Battle strange creatures from other worlds! Conquer entire Martian civilizations! Make love to big breasted green alien women! All this adventure and more can be yours with your very own X-Rocket! Batteries not included. Must be 18 or older to make love to big breasted green alien women." Pretty cool stuff huh? Anyway, we get a shot out the window of the rocket ship now, and we can see what I guess is supposed to be the Earth getting smaller and smaller as they get farther and farther away from it. I don't know why, but for some reason that bit on that bit on The Muppet Show called Pigs In Space. Probably because the rocket scene in that, and the rocket scene in this are kinda similar.
3. Now we're in the cockpit with Astronaut Glenn and Astronaut Fuji. Glenn is a white, American guy and Fuji is...well, I know this will come as a great shock to you all, but Fuji is Japanese. Were you shocked? I know I sure was. Anyway, Glenn just told Fuji that it's time to contact WSA, which stands for World Space Authority. So Fuji's all, "Ok Glenn," but whoever did the English dubbing on his voice went way out of their way to sound as American as possible. It's like seriously out of place sounding coming out of Fuji's mouth, and it's very, very funny. Especially since it's the first thing this guy says in the movie. It's so shocking, you can't help but laugh just from the goof value of it. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!! Fuji's talking again! What a goof! He calls to WSA from their space ship which is called Space Ship P1. He's giving them some coordinates and tells them that they're heading towards Planet X in the Scorpion Constellation. There's a scientist back at the space agency who's asking them how they're doing. Fuji says they're doing fine but that they could use some exercise. I could go on for days about how goofy the English dub is when Fuji talks, but you all know that now so I won't keep saying it. The scientist tells them that they'll get plenty of exercise on Planet X. Then Fuji asks if Hiromi is there. The scientist looks around and then says that she isn't. Fuji asks the scientist to tell her not to do anything stupid. Don't do anything until he gets back. Man, askin' a woman not to do anything stupid is like askin' a fart not to stink. You can ask, but it probably won't do any good. (Your humble reviewer ducks now as his wife wings a rather large boot at his head.) Anyway, I'd like to mention their space helmets at this time as well. They're about three times the size of these guys' heads and look like they're stuffed with those air pillows like you get when you mail order stuff. Really goofy lookin'. Glenn says to Fuji that he should just pack his sister in ice while they're gone, and Fuji tells him that he just doesn't understand. And that my friends, is the end of that scene.
4. We go to the WSA control room now where Hiromi just brought the scientist, Dr. Sakurai, a cup of tea. He asks her if her and her brother have had some sort of a disagreement, and she says that he treats her like a child and always tells her what to do. Basically, what it comes down to is this. Hiromi found someone she likes and Fuji doesn't approve. Sounds like a pretty typical big brother to me. A group of guys walks in at this point. They look like reporters or something, but let's unpause the movie and find out for sure. YES! I was right! They are reporters. Dr. Sakurai starts to lead them into a back room and then comes back to ask Hiromi what this boyfriend of her does. She tells the doctor that he's an inventor, which leads us into the next scene and about the most annoying sound you can imagine.
5. We go into the inventor's lab of Tetsui Teri now, which by the way also happens to be his house. Tetsui is working on this invention that looks kinda like a smoke detector and is making the most insanely obnoxious noise you could ever imagine. Downstairs, his land lady is packing her baby around on her back and getting all irritated at the noise coming out of Tetsui's room. She comes up and yells at him about it, and he asks her how far away she could hear it. She says, "Hear it? You can hear it way down the street!" So she walks away and he's all happy with himself because the rage is getting good. Then he asks himself why he can't sell this great idea. Uh, well...maybe because it's more obnoxious than listening to an entire side of the album, Helen Reddy - The Las Vegas Years. Gimme the cleaver! He's gonna take the meat cleaver ladies and gentlemen! Chop! Owwwowwwowwwowww. Oh my god! You chopped off your little finger! You weren't supposed to do that! It was only a gag question! Hey can I have some of that coke now man? My finger really hurts. Oh um...sorry. I was having a Cheech & Chong flashback there for a minute. Anyway, the land lady calls him down to answer the phone. He takes the phone and then says, "This is Tetsui Teri" Then he says, "What? Contract?!?!" Sounds like things are looking up for our friend Tetsui.
6. Back at the news conference now with Dr. Sakurai. They're asking him about Planet X and asking him why it wasn't discovered before. He says that Planet X is very dark. They cannot observe it with telescopes, and it was discovered by the central observatory while they were scanning for stray radio waves. The radio waves aren't necessarily human, but they won't know until they get there and they expect to learn a lot from the P1 expedition.

7. Back to Pigs in Space now, and we see the P1 rocket hurtling through space, to infinity and beyond! Actually, it's still sitting in one spot with someone running a star background behind it. Anyway, while Pigs in Space continue their journey, we're taken back to a restaurant where Hiromi is meeting up with her fella, Tetsui for a dinner that even the Iron Chefs would be proud of. Either that or they're gonna eat some of that nasty sushi stuff. In any case, there's a guy playing violin and the restaurant looks really ritzy. She asks Tetsui if the place isn't too expensive but he says it's cool because he just sold his invention. Then he goes on to tell her about the toy company who's buying his invention. The company that's buying his invention is called the World Education Corporation. It's supposed to be a toy company, and Hiromi is concerned that his invention is not a toy, but then suddenly Ms. Nomokawa from the corporation comes in and hands him their standard contract promising to pay him for the invention once it's marketed. He introduces her to Hiromi, and for some reason, Ms. Nomokawa already knows about her and about how she works at the space authority and that her brother is an astronaut. She says that the World Education Corporation is very interested in his space activities and that they're following his trip. After Tetsui signs the contract and she leaves, he and Hiromi are walking out of the restaurant. She's saying how she can't believe that they're paying him a hundred thousand bucks for his invention, and then she asks him if he thinks it's worth that much. Now what the hell is that? If someone offered me a hundred thousand bucks for some completely useless and totally obnoxious invention, I'd take the money and run like a little bitch. I don't know why she's so concerned about it. Tetsui tells her that he wishes her brother could be there to see this because it would really stand him on his head. That takes us to our next scene where we find...

8. ...astronauts Glenn and Fuji upside down in their rocket. Don't ya just love comical lead-in's with a good payoff? I know I sure do. Anyway, they were rotated 180 degrees in the wrong direction. Glenn straightened them out. They're about to land on Planet X now. Glenn says it's fifteen degrees on the planet's surface. Fuji notes that it's an awfully high temperature for a planet that's so far away from the sun. Gee really? Wow, we got a scientist on our hands here folks! After a quick check for radiation, we get to see a doll in an astronaut suit being lowered out of the rocket on an elevator. Suddenly, as the elevator reaches the bottom, the doll turns into Fuji and he starts looking around. He tells Glenn that everything looks ok and sends the elevator back up so the Glenn doll can come down now. Glenn takes some readings as Fuji goes to plant a pole with three flags on it up on a ridge. Glenn says that the pressure is half that of the Earth and the Gravity is two-thirds. Just then, there's a massive thunder and lightning attack. Fuji spots some footprints and calls to Glenn to be on his guard. Glenn doesn't answer, so Fuji hot foots it back to the rocket, only to find that it's now gone. Suddenly, in a scene reminiscent of something out of the original Star Trek, a column rises up out of the ground and a door opens on it. A voice is suddenly heard. The voice says that he is the controller of Planet X and that he wants Fuji to step into the doorway. Fuji refuses, but then the voice says that it must insist and that the rocket and his fellow astronaut are down there with them. He says that Fuji will not be harmed. Finally Fuji steps into the column and then as he's lowered, we go back to The World Space Authority headquarters where one of the engineers is telling Dr. Sakurai that contact with the rocket is now twenty minutes overdue. Sakurai asks him if he's checked the equipment, and the guy goes off to check it. Hiromi walks in at this point, and Sakurai tells her not to worry and that they're both intelligent and well trained men and that he has complete confidence in them. So let me get this straight here. Intelligent and well trained? Is that why they were flying upside down just not too long ago?

 

9. Back up on Planet X now. Fuji just stepped off the elevator and now that creepy controller's voice kicks in again. He's all, "Follow the light. The light is your guide." and I'm sittin' here thinkin' to myself, "NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! Don't go into the light!!!! It's a trick!!!!!" Yeah I know, it's an old joke, but it seemed to fit the situation pretty well. Anyway, as Fuji walks through these odd shaped corridors, the lights keep coming on and off, pointing out which direction he's supposed to go. Finally, he reaches this weird control room where he sees Glenn sitting in a chair. He cruises on over to him and asks him if he's ok. Glenn says he is, and then the controller's voice comes back on the intercom and tells them to stay where they are. The lights all come on and then...OH MY GOD!!! Devo just came walking in!!! Whip it! Whip it good! Dah duh duh duh duh - dahhhh duh duh dut.

 


"When a problem comes along, you must whip it!"

 

These five new wave lookin' space men come walking in in gray and black duds and spiffy lookin' narrow sunglasses. I'm not sure why they're wearing sunglasses underground, but whatever. The controller walks over to the head of the table with two of members of Devo standing behind him. He's all, "We welcome you. Won't you kindly seat yourselves and be comfortable." The way this guy talks, it sounds like he hasn't crapped for a month. At least, that's how I think I'd sound if I hadn't crapped for a month. It's very robotic and pretty typical for the way aliens were made to talk in movies of this era. So Fuji and Glenn have a seat, and the controller shows them that their rocket ship is fine and in tact. Right after he shows them that, Monster Zero attacks. The controller shows them the monster on the screen and tells them that that's why they were brought there. Fuji and Glenn both recognize the monster immediately as King Ghidorah, and the controller says that yes, it is indeed the monster they have named King Ghidorah. They call him Monster Zero because everything on their planet is numbered. He goes on to explain that Monster Zero is the reason that they cannot live upon the surface of their world. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! Fuji just asked the controller, "Can't you drive it away?" and the controller says, "If you have an idea of how to do that, won't you please tell us." I mean jeez Fuji, think about this for a minute. Do you really think they would have gone through the hassle of building their entire civilization underground if they knew how to drive this thing away? I don't think Fuji was the prime candidate to represent the intelligence of the Earth on this mission. The controller says that everything they've tried has failed and that all they can do is wait for it to go away. Section 15 collapses just then and a voice comes over the intercom and says that the hydrogen oxide generator has been damaged. The controller hops up and turns on a force field, which puts a force bubble around the astronauts, and then he turns off the lights and everyone goes running out of the room. A minute or so passes, and then they all come back in and he apologizes and tells them that there's been an industrial accident but that they are safe now. Then he begins to explain his plan to Glenn and Fuji. The plan is, they want to borrow Monster 01 and Monster 02, Godzilla and Rodan, so they can use them to destroy King Ghidorah once and for all. He asks the astronauts for their help, but the astronauts don't know how to answer him. They say that even if they wanted to help, they don't even know where Godzilla and Rodan are. The controller tells them where Godzilla and Rodan are, and then tells them that if they allow them to operate freely on the Earth so they can capture Godzilla and Rodan and bring them back to Planet X to fight King Ghidorah, they will give the Earth a miracle drug that will cure all disease. The two astronauts just look at each other, and then we see a shot of their rocket being raised back up to the surface and them preparing to take off. They say their good bye's and off they go. As they fly off, the controller starts laughing sinisterly.

 

10. After a short trip back to Earth, we see a large meeting of the Supreme Council, whatever that is, and the press and everyone is there. There's a doctor now saying that speaking for the medical community, they encourage the council to go along with the alien's plan so they can have the wonder drug and alleviate all the suffering on the Earth. Um, hold on for a second there doc. Just so we're clear on this, disease exists to root out the weak and control the population. If you cure all the diseases of the world, within five or ten generations, you're gonna be feelin' like you're living in a crowded elevator. Idiot... Next we have this stupid lookin' chick in a kimono. She's there to speak for the women's groups of the world. She says that they should accept the alien's gesture of peace and that it seems to her that the people of the Earth could learn humanity from those people as well as scientific knowledge. Ok where to begin with this one? Well first, she thinks they're making a peaceful gesture. I guess she's like all those idiots who think Saddam Hussein made a peaceful gesture when he passed a law banning weapons of mass destruction. So basically within the first few seconds of hearing her speak, we've already been able to determine that she's a gullible idiot. Then there's the part about learning humanity from the aliens. Now that's just stupid on so many levels, I don't even need comment on it. I think we got that whole asking a fart not to stink thing again here with this chick. Ok who's next? God it's like idiots on parade here. Oh ok, I guess that was it. The council decides that they'll go along with the alien's plan, and so the Japanese army heads out to locate both Godzilla and Rodan.
11. Well now, finally something different. We go back to the headquarters of the World Education Corporation, which by the way is a stupid name for a toy company, and we find Tetsui standing there waiting to speak to someone. This guy comes along and tells him that Ms. Nomokawa is out of town, and asks if he can be of any assistance. Tetsui says he wants to know what the company is doing with his invention, the lady guard alarm. Now that he's said the name, it finally becomes obvious what it's actually for. The man says that they're still studying that item. Tetsui gets upset because that's the answer they give him every time he asks and then he demands to know who's in charge here. Well apparently the guy in charge can't talk right now, cause he's in some room somewhere sitting under a McDonalds burger heat lamp with a couple of schmucks in suits standing by watching him cook. He's got a couple of nasty lookin' growths on his mid and lower back as well. I think he should have them things removed and have a biopsy done on them as soon as possible. Then again, maybe he's just trying to cook them off with the heat lamp. In any case, the guy under the heat lamp asks one of the schmucks if he's gone. The schmuck says no, and that he's still asking what they're going to do with his invention. Mr. French Fry, as I'll call him for now until I find out who he is, tells the schmuck to get rid of him politely. Then Mr. French Fry burns up the blue prints for the invention. He used a lighter to do it, but after sitting under that heat lamp for so long, I'm surprised they didn't ignite as soon as he picked them up.
12. It's later now, and Tetsui and Hiromi are walking down the street on their way to meet Fuji for lunch. Tetsui is feeling like a failure at this point and not even wanting to see Fuji. Fuji and Glenn are sitting in the restaurant. Fuji is waiting for Tetsui and Hiromi, and Glenn is waiting for some Japanese girl that he met so they can go on a drive together. Fuji says he hopes it's not the wrong sort of woman. I think, in not so many words, he just told Glenn that he hopes that Glenn hasn't been pickin' up hookers again. So Tetsui and Hiromi finally show up, and they all go sit down at a table. Fuji asks Tetsui if it's true that he finally sold his invention. Tetsui says yes, and the Fuji says that he can't understand why a company would pay so much for such a simple invention. What a bitch! If I was Tetsui I'd bring my foot up under the table and make him a soprano for life. Bitch... Man that's got me all riled up now. Grrrrrrrrrrrr. Ok, I feel better. Let's move on. Fuji goes on to say that he thinks a lot of his sister, and that he doesn't know if he (Tetsui) can make her happy. Tetsui just gets all meek and says, "I know." Hiromi says that he doesn't have to agree with Fuji like that, and then she says to Glenn, "What do you think? We have mutual trust in each other. Isn't that the most important thing?" and Glenn's all, "Well I think so. Mutual trust is a beautiful thing." Fuji gets all irritated at that and accuses him of always siding with the girls. Now while Glenn says his good bye's, Fuji is sitting there with his arms folded and this look on his face like he's some little kid who's ticked off because he didn't get the toy he wanted from the store. Boo hoo Fuji...you jerk! Before Glenn leaves, he says to Tetsui, "The enemy is very powerful. You better do somethin' spectacular." So he leaves, and Tetsui and Hiromi watch him out the window as he gets into his car with this woman. Tetsui recognizes her as Ms. Nomokawa and gets all irritated because he knows they were lying to him now. Fuji gets up and leaves saying that Tetsui had better do something spectacular if he wants to change his mind.
13. Out on the lake now. The army is cruising around in a boat, looking for signs of radiation. They just found it...and Godzilla along with it. Back at the space authority, Fuji comes rushing in and asks Dr. Sakurai if they found Godzilla. Dr. Sakurai says that they did find him and he's at the bottom of the lake. Glenn just came walking in now, and whispered something into Fuji's ear. They both go driving off together, and eventually stop to switch positions because he's tired of driving. Fuji asks him why he's brought him all this way, and Glenn says that he thinks he saw the controller up here last night. He starts telling Fuji about how last night he and that chick he was with shared a bungalow up there by the lake, and during the night at some point, he woke up and swore that he saw the controller there in the room with them. Fuji asks him if it wasn't a dream. Glenn says that that's what he thought at first. Fuji asks him if the controller said anything, and Glenn tells him that the controller was saying that all the preparations had been made and not to worry about anything. Fuji asks him if the girl saw him, but apparently she said she didn't see anything.

14. HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! Glenn and Fuji come driving up to the lake and there's a bunch of military personnel standing around guarding the road. They stop there and hop out of the car. One of the guards says, "Halt!" and Fuji's all, "Space Authority!" and the guard's all, "Ok sir." What's funny about this? Well what's funny about it is that Fuji didn't show them any ID and the guard didn't ask for any. He just waved them on through. Man, remind me to go to Japan some time. I'll just walk into a bank there and the guard will say, "Halt!" and I'll say, "Bank President!" and the guard will let me go into the vault and take whatever I want. Jeez... So Glenn and Fuji run up to the commander and ask him if they can go down to the bungalow. The commander says that they can't go now, and then hands him a pair of binoculars. They look down at the lake and watch as three stupid looking space ships emerge from the water. They hover there and don't do anything else for a very long time. A large crowd gathers around the lake, and finally one of the space ships flies over and lands on the shore. Devo comes walking out of it, with their lead singer, the controller, taking the lead. He sits down at this table and starts telling all the reporters and everyone that they come in peace. The other two space ships are transport ships, and the controller explains that they have a technology that allows them to transport any object of any size through space. At this point, one ship pulls Godzilla out of the water and starts transporting him in some kind of an energy bubble. The other ship flies off to where Rodan is, and proceeds to blow the rocks away on the side of a cliff to get him out of his nest. That ship then encompasses Rodan in the same energy bubble and pulls him back to where the first ship is sitting with Godzilla in Tow. Glenn, Fuji, Dr. Sakurai are all going to fly back with the aliens so that they can get the promised payment from the aliens. Glenn is sitting in his car now saying his good bye's to Ms. Nomokawa. She's asking him if he couldn't stay and get married, and he's telling her that he's not going forever and that he'll be back. She says that he doesn't understand and he doesn't know what he's saying. I think this chick has really fallen for him. He finally says good bye to her and tells her that he'll marry her when he gets back. So our three brave astronauts board the alien space ship while Tetsui tells his cab driver to follow Ms. Nomokawa. Things are getting exciting now folks! I think my only bitch up to this point is that I want to see more monsters and less Devo.

15. On the space ship, the three astronauts are led to their seats which are placed around this thing with a glass top. Dr. Sakurai asks the controller if it wouldn't be possible for them to see the control room. The controller tells him that they are in the control room, and that his decisions regarding navigation and operations of the ship are fed into the computers through his brainwaves. An outside shot now as we see the ships taking off and heading out into space. Once they're out in space, the controller asks them how they like the ride. That seemed a little out of place, but it was kinda funny. Almost sounded like he was trying to sell him a used car or something.
16. Back on Earth, Ms. Nomokawa just walked into the house where Mr. French Fry is staying on some island out in the middle of nowhere. I'm still calling him Mr. French Fry because they haven't said his name yet. He tells her that she has become more involved with the astronaut than is necessary. She says she's just trying to get information but Mr. French Fry tells her to basically cool it and that it's not his directive, but the controller's. She says she understands. Now the scene changes. Seems that Tetsui has stowed away on the boat that brought Ms. Nomokawa out to the island, and he's now following the same guy he met at the corporation to Mr. French Fry's house. He's just about to knock on the door of the house, when a trap door opens and he falls down through it. It's actually rather comical.
17. Now we're up on Planet X. The space ships have just arrived and as the main ship flies into the underground base, the two cargo ships carrying Godzilla and Rodan remain outside. The astronauts are led into the controller's main chamber and all is made ready for the monster drop off. The monsters are set on the ground outside with the force field still around them as the two cargo ships fly into the entrance to the base. Several columns rise up at this point with hoses to recover the water from Godzilla's force field, but before they get very far, they have to retreat because Monster Zero flies into the scene and starts spewing lightning everywhere. A radar dish looking thing emerges from the side of the mountain and shoots Godzilla and Rodan with some kind of a ray that dissipates their transport fields. Both of them are smoking now and they finally wake up from their stasis. They both look pretty confused and really ticked off. HAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Godzilla was sitting on his butt with his back to Ghidorah, but then Ghidorah shot some lightning up his back and man, you should have seen Godzilla jump the hell up and spin around. Man that was funny. So Godzilla makes some noise, but it didn't really do him much good since Ghidorah pretty much knocked him ass over tea kettle as he flew by. Rodan is totally ticked off now and Godzilla is back on his feet, hiding behind some rocks and blowing radiation breath at Ghidorah in between lightning blasts. The radiation breath wasn't doing much so Godzilla get's all irritated and start huckin' and kickin' rocks at Ghidorah. Rodan does a fly over and drops a huge rock on Ghidorah, and then Godzilla, in an insanely funny maneuver, basically does a flying body press on Ghidorah and lands on top of him. That didn't last long though, because Ghidorah just got airborne again and knocked Godzilla over on the way up. HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!! Godzilla's doing this totally sweet victory dance now!!!! Woo Hoo!!!!!!
18. The controller says that it's a happy moment because it's the first time they've been able to turn away Monster Zero without suffering any damage or loss of life. Then he notices that Glen and Fuji are missing and asks Dr. Sakurai where they are. He says he doesn't know, but we find out pretty quick because the scene changes and we find our two intrepid astronauts walking through the corridors of the base. They realize they've been missed when the guards start coming after them. I mean, that usually is a pretty good indicator that you're in deep doo doo. They cut down a side corridor and get into one of those cylindrical elevator thingies. With the press of a few buttons, they're transported to a different room. This room has gold all over in it. I mean, it's just everywhere. It looks like some kind of a shrine or something. They see a girl walking with a tray so they hide behind a big rock and watch her. As she gets closer, they see that it looks like Ms. Nomokawa! Glenn goes running out to her, and she looks all shocked. She doesn't say anything, and just backs away. Then another one that looks just like Ms. Nomokawa comes walking out. There's two of them! Kinda reminds me of that Star Trek episode Mudd's Women. Just then, a bunch of guards come walking in, and capture the two dorks...er...I mean men.
19. Back in the controller's chamber, the controller is questioning them and telling them that they have violated their laws. He asks them what they've discovered and Glenn pipes up and says that to them, water is more precious than gold. The controller says that they have no problem securing water, and then goes on to say that because they are guests, no charges will be filed against them. All the lights come up at that point, and the controller's lackey brings out this gold box with the formula that had been promised recorded on tape. They thank the controller and then he tells them that they can be on their way. He waves his hand and a door opens up exposing an exact replica of the P1 rocket. Seems that they recorded every detail about the rocket when it was there and then re-created it so the Earth men could fly it back home. Too bad they didn't put some of them spiffy space ship engines in it. They'd sure get home a lot faster. Anyway, the rocket raises up out of the ground with the three astronauts in it. They spot Godzilla and Rodan out the window and Fuji wonders if they're doing the right thing by leaving them there. Glenn says that those monsters have cause them enough trouble, and with that, the three say their good bye's to the controller and blast off for Earth. Godzilla and Rodan don't look none too happy about being left behind.
20. Now we go back to Earth, where we find Hiromi talking to Ms. Nomokawa. She's asking Ms. Nomokawa if she's seen Tetsui. She says that she hasn't seen him for a long time now. Fortunately for us though, we get to see him in the next scene. Seems they have him locked in a cell under the house. Tetsui is all ticked off and asking how long they're gonna keep him in there. Mr. French Fry is there talking to him with two of his schmucks there for backup. He says that they can't release him yet. Tetsui asks him what's going on, and Mr. French Fry says that they're changing history. Just then, the controller calls, and Mr. French Fry heads up to the control room where he gets orders from the controller to set the plan in motion. He just got word that the astronauts were returning, and that takes us to our next scene.
21. We see the rocket ship landing now, and then we go into the Space Authority building where there's a big gathering of people including lots of recorders. Ms. Nomokawa is also there for some reason. Dr. Sakurai says that this tape they brought back contains the formula that the aliens promised them. He sticks the tape on a reel to reel tape player, and hits the play button. Gee what a shock. There's nothing on the tape. Oh wait a minute, there is something on the tape. There's a couple of beeps and then the controller's voice comes on. He says, "I am the controller of Planet X. To the people of the Earth. I command that you obey the following orders. You will place the Earth under our absolute control, and be governed as our colony. If you do not obey these orders willingly and immediately, we shall destroy your civilization. I repeat the order. Earth will continue to exist only as a colony of Planet X." Well ain't that a bitch?!?
22. They're showing one of those newsreels now like you used to see in theaters and on early television talking about how the announcement from the aliens touched off demonstrations all over the world. Some people wanted to capitulate and have peace at any price (must have been the French), while the majority wanted to stand up to the aliens and fight. The police around the world were hard pressed to restore order. Glenn just went running into the World Education Corporation building with a gun in his hand. The place is trashed, but Ms. Nomokawa is standing there in her space suit. She's happy to see him and calls him darling. He puts the gun down and says, "Well that's what I figured." She admits to being a citizen of Planet X and they talk about how when he was there how he saw a girl that looked just like her. She says that she's governed by electronics, governed by her world's controller. She says that the only way to save him is for him to become a citizen of Planet X so they can marry. Glenn get's all ticked off and starts yelling at her about how the Earth will fight to the last man and that if there's any way to avert this war, then they better do it now. Just then, a whole bunch of alien guards show up and take Glenn prisoner. Now I know he was a little distracted in this scene, but jeez... How did he not notice about eight guards come walking into the room? He just looked up and they were there. Pretty stupid huh? So they start to lead him out and Ms. Nomokawa shouts at him not to go. She runs up and grabs him and tells him not to go. She hugs him and slips something into his pocket just before the guards vaporize her with their ray guns. It's pretty sad really, because she found love even though the computers that controlled her didn't have any concept of the word. I feel a tear coming. Yep, it's coming...it's coming...almost there...*drip*. There it goes. Damn it, now where did I leave those tissues?
23. Back at the Space Authority headquarters, Dr. Sakurai comes in and announces that King Ghidorah is in the United States. Jeez I hope he didn't go to Chicago. I hear there's guys there with crooked noses who don't take kindly to big three headed monsters movin' in on their territory. Dr. Sakurai says that he has more bad news as well. It seems that all the military men want to use the world's nuclear weapons to fight off the enemy. Just then, Hiromi comes running in and says that she can't find Glenn anywhere. No one seems to know where he is. Some woman screams at that point and says, "Look out the window!!!" They all run to the window and watch as a space ship destroys the P1 rocket and then melts one of their radar dishes with some sort of a blue lightning ray. The controllers voice comes out of the ship at that point and says that since they have not complied with their demands, they can only take that as a negative response. He goes on to say that they have already positioned King Ghidorah in the western hemisphere. He goes on to say that they're controlling Ghidorah and also Godzilla and Rodan (who are now back on Earth) through the use of magnetic waves and that they'll use them to destroy the Earth if they don't surrender within twenty-four hours. Godzilla and Rodan are sitting on some mountain somewhere lookin' all bored. Each one has a space ship over his head that's controlling him. Back at the Space Authority, Dr. Sakurai has an idea, and starts trying to develop a way to block the controlling waves that the space men are using on the monsters. Can he do it in time? Will he do it in time? Will Hiromi ever have an IQ above twenty and find something better to do with her time than running around whining about everything? Let's unpause the movie and find out...
24. We go now to the cell below Mr. French Fry's house. The guards just threw Glenn in there with Tetsui. Glenn starts looking for a way out and Tetsui tells him that it's no use because he's already checked over every inch of the cell. Glenn notices that the cell is soundproof, and Tetsui says that he knows that already and that even the bars are sound proof. Another quick scene change, and we see some guard leader telling a group of guards that twenty hours from now, it's their job to kill every human on the Earth. Another quick scene change now, and we see Dr. Sakurai telling military and other leaders about his plan to try to block the controlling waves. He takes the military leader and the others into the lab now where Fuji has developed a way to block the frequencies the aliens are using by using some kind of a light ray. The problem is that they don't know exactly what frequency the aliens are using, so they'll have to guess. Another quick scene change now and we're back in the cell with Tetsui and Glenn. Glenn is still trying to figure out why the place is sound proof, and while he's doing that, Tetsui finds the letter that Ms. Nomokawa slipped in his pocket before she got vaporized. We get to see the letter and hear it being read in her voice. It's basically a loving good bye letter, and it also tells them that the aliens can be destroyed by a simple sound. Tetsui figures out that that's the reason they wanted his invention. He runs over to his jacket and grabs his lady guard alarm from his pocket. Man, didn't they even search this guy before they threw him in the cell? I thought this was supposed to be some kind of an advanced civilization that was totally controlled by logic? How logical is it to throw some schmuck in a cell without searching him first? Duh! Anyway, Glenn asks him about the device and Tetsui shows him how it works. The guards start going staggering all over the place and holding their ears while Tetsui has the sound playing. In fact, Tetsui may be on to something here, because I've seen people have that very same reaction while they were watching the Rosie O'Donnell show. Anyway, they grab the key from one of the guards and then fight their way out of the house. They make it to the boat and take off before anyone else even finds out they're gone. Finally, someone runs in and tells Mr. French Fry, who's now dressed in his Devo outfit by the way, that the prisoners have escaped. A group of guards runs down to the dock where they watch as a space ship flies out over the water and destroys the boar with a laser beam. The boat explodes in a massive cloud of red powder. Don't ask me what that's about because I have no clue. The ship flies off and the guards leave to go back to the house. After the guards leave, Glenn and Tetsui, who were not actually on the boat at all, pop up out of the water and swim for the opposite shore. Damn, I hope they brought along their floaties, 'cause that's one hell of a long swim. Eventually they make their way back and report to the Space Authority what they've discovered and they say that if they can just amplify the sound and turn it into radio waves, they can direct it at the aliens and destroy them. Dr. Sakurai tells them to get on it immediately. Fuji don't look none too pleased. Now seriously bitch, they're trying to save the Earth here and you're throwin' ego around? Quit being a punk already and just co-operate with Tetsui so you can get this thing done. Jeez....
25. The aliens seem to sense that something is wrong, and activate Godzilla and Rodan so they can start the attack about five hours early. The two monsters pop back to life and start stompin' off to their intended target. Meanwhile, loads of army vehicles are traveling along the road heading towards Godzilla and Rodan. The monsters are headed toward a town, and the people start freakin' out and evacuating. Mass havoc is brought about by the monsters as the people run screaming from their homes. Godzilla is stompin through the houses and blowing radiation breath all over the place. A quick shot back at the Space Authority now where we see Fuji run in to tell Dr. Sakurai that the aliens have started their attack. Dr. Sakurai asks him if the aliens have discovered their plan, and Fuji says that he doesn't think so. Now we go back out to the mountain roads where the army convoy is still cruising along rather slowly. They're hauling these really big transmitter ray machines along with them. Godzilla and Rodan are still destroying stuff all over the place and the army finally starts shooting at them with their tanks. You'd think by this time that they'd know they ain't gonna do anything with them tanks except to tick them off really bad. I mean, how many times is Tokyo gonna have to be destroyed before they get that through their heads? Ouch! The alien space ship just took out two of the trucks that were hauling the transmitters. Oh man, that's not cool.
26. Back at the Space Authority, Fuji comes running into the office where Tetsui, Glenn and Hiromi are working. He asks Glenn how the progress is coming, because their trucks are gettin' beaten all to hell out there. Glenn says that they'll be broadcasting in a few minutes and that the mobile truck is ready. A few quick scenes of Godzilla and the aliens, and then we find ourselves watching the army getting set up in this tunnel. They're just waiting now while Godzilla, Rodan, and King Ghidorah basically destroy everything in site. The people are making a wholesale evacuation out of the cite now, as the monsters continue their attack. The army is shooting missiles at the monsters now, but that does about as much good as telling a little kid not to pick their nose and eat it. You do it because you feel like you have to, but you know it isn't gonna do any good. I'm watching Rodan now, and I must say that I've always found him to be quite boring. He has some comical value now and then, but he doesn't really do anything cool. He can blow a pretty intense wind with his wings, but that's about it. At least Godzilla and King Ghidorah got them cool breath weapons. Ok things are gonna get good now. The Space Authority is about to play the sound over the radio. The announcer tells people that the obnoxious sound they are about to hear is not a mistake, and that everyone should turn their radios up to make the sound as loud as possible. Glenn and Tetsui start the tape machine now and the sound starts broadcasting out over the airwaves. God that's an obnoxious sound. So the sound starts and everyone cranks up their radios. We see one of the space ships start wobbling and the aliens inside going nuts. Fuji and the army guys bring the truck out at this point and start playing the sound through a huge number of horn speakers. They turn on the transmitters and point them towards the space ship that is now approaching the island where Mr. French Fry's house is. As the attack against the space ship continues, the tanks start shelling the house. The second squad attacks now and takes out the ships that are controlling the monsters. The monsters start going nuts and each one falls over and hits the ground with a thud. Man, they're twitchin' pretty good too. The house on the island is pretty much destroyed now, and the space ships are starting to come apart. Finally, the house and all the alien ships blow up, and the monsters all begin to regain their senses.
27. There's a really sweet shot of Godzilla's eyeballs movin' back and forth here and it looks really funny because he's got that, "What the hell??? Oh yeah...it's time for someone to get an ass whoopin' 'round here." look on his face. Godzilla hops to his feet and spots King Ghidorah who's still down. He boots a huge rock with his foot and smacks Ghidorah with it. Ghidorah comes back to his senses and hops up. While he's hopping up, you can totally see the wires pulling him to his feet. That's not a bad thing by any means. It just adds to the charm of the movie. Godzilla takes a few steps back and smacks Rodan in the chest with his tail. Rodan raises his head up and has this totally hilarious look on his face like, "Huh???? Who dat? Who dere?" So Rodan now hops up and joins the fray as well aided once again by a couple of clearly visible wires. Ghidorah starts spewing lightning now, and it's really gettin' Godzilla and Rodan mad. Godzilla takes down Ghidorah, but then all of a sudden they're back up again. I guess that was a bad edit or something, because just an instant ago they were both on the ground. At this point Godzilla starts going into a boxing and fancy footwork routine that is just so totally reminiscent of the Fred Sanford on Sanford and Son. You know how he would start like boxin' when he'd get mad? If you don't know, then you all need to watch more classic television. Anyway, that's what Godzilla's doing here and it's absolutely hilarious! You go Godzilla! Float like a butterfly, stank like a bean! While godzilla is doing his boxing thing, Rodan swings around and get's himself a bit of tail. Ghidorah's tail that is. Ghidorah knocks Godzilla back and then spins around and starts spitting lightning at Rodan. Godzilla comes back and grabs both of Ghidorah's tails and holds him while Rodan flies right into his three faces and knocks him over. Ghidorah is spitting lightning at both of them now, and...uh...excuse me for a moment. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!! Rodan just picked up Godzilla and flew him right into Ghidorah. Thump!!! Then Godzilla and Ghidorah fall ass over tea kettle together down the side of a mountain and into the ocean. Oh man that was hilarious. Anyway, after they hit the water, a tidal wave pops up and destroys a whole bunch of beach front houses. Now where will the rich people spend their summers? Yeah, my heart bleeds... The army guys and the scientists and the astronauts are all watching from up on a road on the side of the mountain. As they watch, Ghidorah pops up out of the water and flies away. Godzilla doesn't re-surface. Glenn says he could use a vacation, but Dr. Sakurai says that he's not gonna have time because he's going back to Planet X as their first ambassador. Uh, yeah...right. Glenn's probably thinkin', "Yeah I'll get right on that. Right after I have my testicles ripped off by a piece of farm equipment, I'll be right there!" Anyway, that's the end. Kind of a crappy ending, but at least the monster fights were funny.



Best Quote

Hiromi: "What do you think? We have mutual trust in each other. Isn't that the most important thing?"
Glenn: "Well I think so. Mutual trust is a beautiful thing."

 

- Hiromi asking Glenn what he thinks is the most important thing in a relationship. - (Reviewer's Note: Oh yeah Glenn, that sounds real sincere. He probably uses that line on every chick he meets.)



 

Video Clip
When prompted, enter bmovie for the username and central for the password.

Godzilla vs. Monster Zero
Godzilla floats like a butterfly and stanks like a bean in this far out, wacky and hilarious scene. Hey! That rhymes!



The Conclusion

This film wasn't actually my first choice. I had chosen a different one originally, but then I came to find out that I had made a mistake. The first movie I chose for this roundtable was too modern for my site, so I fell back on this one as a second choice. I'm pretty glad I did too, as I found this film to be quite enjoyable. I think my biggest problem with this film though, and this is why I knocked off one bee, is that there's too much story and not enough monsters. There's a pretty short monster fight about a third of the way through the film, and then after that there's nothing until the end when the aliens use them to attack the Earth and then we have the final battle scene.

These movies are supposed to be giant monster movies. I mean...that's what they are, and the giant monsters are the whole reason we watch them in the first place. So why the hell don't they focus more on the monsters and less on the story? I know there has to be a story in there somewhere, but there was a lot of unnecessary filler material in this film that could have easily been replaced with scenes of the monsters instead of all that other boring crap they put in there.

I've been a great lover of these Kaiju films ever since I was a kid, and from then until now, my biggest complaint about them is that they just don't give the monsters enough screen time. However, that said, I actually found this film to be quite enjoyable. The fight scenes had quite a bit of humor to them, the aliens looked like Devo, and we got to see giant monsters stomping around and destroying all kinds of houses and buildings. As an added bonus, it gave me lots of goofy stuff to work with for my What the Hell??? section!

The acting in these movies is kinda hard to gage because the dialogue is all dubbed over into English. In general, the acting was good and pretty much what you'd expect in a godzilla film from the 1960's. The only character in this film that really irritated me was Hiromi. She was so whiny and pathetic that it was just an unpleasant experience to even have her on the screen. I should mention also that the dub for Fuji's dialogue was done in a voice that sounded totally out of place when compared to what you would think his real voice would sound like.

The sets in this film were well done and had plenty of 60's kitsch value to them. I think the only thing in this whole film that looked really stupid to me was the alien's space ships. They looked like some kind of a cheap toy you'd get at a fast food restaurant with a kiddie meal. Other than that, everything was great.

This film was a good ol' fashioned monster romp and it brought back a lot of childhood memories of those days when I would watch these Godzilla films on Saturday afternoon television. They were fun then and they're still fun now. I really enjoyed myself, and I'm very happy to award this film...

B-Movie Central's Rating: 4 Bees

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Unseen Things: Origins



My series of contemporary fantasy / sci-fi novels, Unseen Things is now available through the official website, Amazon, Smashwords and other online retail sites.

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