Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things!

Year Of Release: 1972
Running Time: 87 Minutes
DVD Released By: VCI Entertainment
Directed By: Bob Clark
Writing Credits: Alan Ormsby, Bob Clark
Filming Location: Miami, Florida

Starring: Alan Ormsby, Valerie Mamches, Jeff Gillen, Anya Ormsby, Paul Cronin, Jane Daly, Roy Engleman, Robert Phillips, Bruce Solomon, Seth Sklarey

Tagline: "You're Invited To Orville's "Coming-Out" Party...It'll Be A Scream...YOURS!!!"

Alternate Titles:
Revenge of the Living Dead (1972) (USA: reissue title)
Zreaks (1972) (USA: working title)

Interesting Bits of Trivia:
Alan Ormsby has been deeply involved in many areas of film making including writing, acting, directing, producing and make-up. With all of his experience though, he has only appeared in two films. Besides his starring role in this film, he also had a bit part as a bystander in another film called Deathdream, which he himself wrote and did the make-up for. Anya Ormsby is only credited with roles in these two films as well, although her role was considerably larger than Alan's in Deathdream. Both films came out in 1972.




Cast Of Characters
Alan: Director of the small production company. Whoever invented the word creep, obviously invented it right after meeting this guy. And much like Geraldo Rivera, everything he says is very dramatic.

Val: Very caustic, gypsy looking girl. Practically every word out of her mouth is dry and sarcastic. She's more annoying than anything else. If you can resist applauding when she bites it, you're a better man than I. Oh my god she's freakin' irritating.

Jeff: The dumpy dork of the crew. He's the kind of guy who never got to eat his lunch in school because the other kids always beat him up and stole it from him. He's obviously made up for the lost meals since. The poor guy even pees his pants when he gets scared.

Anya: Oh man, this chick is beyond weird. She goes completely mental when all the weirdness starts to happen. Her one redeeming quality is that she's very nice to look at. Looks like the kind of girl you'd date during your freshman year in college.

Paul: He's sensible, but Alan still manages to coerce him into things by threatening his job. The only thing he ever seems to do though is bitch. Makes me wonder why Alan brought him along in the first place.

Terry: Sensible like Paul, and also much like Paul, she's cowed into doing whatever Alan says just because she doesn't want to lose her job. The only real reason to keep her around is the fact that she looks pretty hot in a t-shirt, if you know what I mean.




The Plot

An artistic director brings his motly crew of actors to an island where the worst of the worst have been buried. While there, he performs an ancient ritual to bring the dead back to life. It was just a goof, but when the spell actually works, the group finds themselves trapped and fighting for their lives in the caretaker's house.



What The Hell???
1. First off let me say that there ain't no amount of money that would get me to follow a creep like Alan out into a creepy old graveyard on an uninhabited island. Why these people followed him out there just so they could keep their low paying jobs is beyond me. I know welfare and unemployment had to pay more than whatever Alan was paying them.
2. So they get to the house where they're going to be staying. It's the caretaker of the cemetery's house. Where's the caretaker? Why, he's in an insane asylum for killing his wife and two kids. They found him babbling. So, ummm... I guess Club Med was all booked up huh?
3. They dig up a dead body in the cemetery so that Arthur can perform his Satanic ritual of summoning. Isn't there laws against that? I can't even imagine the smell when they opened the old guy's coffin. It was probably enough to scare a bum off a bologna sandwich.
4. While the dead guy Orville is propped up on the cross in the cemetery, you can see his head move. I thought he was supposed to be dead?
5. Ok, they bring the dead guy, Orville back to the house where Alan puts a curtain on it's head like a bride's veil and proceeds to marry it. I wonder if Orville is on the pill. Wouldn't want to have a baby too soon after the wedding now would we.
6. Terry offends the Orville, so Alan makes her apologize to him like she had offended the head of the theater company. Man, I'm sorry but I'd rather work at Burger King than to put up with that kind of crap.
7. Anya freaks out when she thinks they're disrespecting Orville and throws an insane fit. She's quite good at it too! Alan's probably thinking, "I brought all that crap out in the trunk, but I forgot to bring a straight jacket and some good drugs. Damn it! I always forget something."
8. Why do zombies always insist on eating the flesh of the living? They're dead, so why the hell would they be hungry? Aren't there any double bacon cheeseburgers in hell?
9. Why is it that in every horror movie, when the victims want to board up a door or a window they always seem to be able to find a hammer and plenty of nails, like instantly?
10. Oh brilliant plan Paul. Val and Jeff go out to the front of the house to fight with the zombies while Paul tries to escape out the back to go get help. Terry goes out with Val and Jeff to help them, and boy is she a big help. She shines the flashlight in their faces. Go get 'em Terry!!! Actually...they got her, right after they got Paul who was supposed to be sneaking out the back to get help. Like I said...brilliant plan!
11. When Alan reads the spell of dismissal out of the spell book and the zombies all turn and head back to the graves, they leave the house and try to escape. They walk slowly and cautiously along the path towards the boat. Now if it was me, I'd have been moving so fast, even Wile E. Coyote couldn't have caught me.
12. Alan and Anya are being chased up the stairs by the zombies, and Alan throws Anya down into the mass of zombies, just to save his own worthless hide. It's always a shame to see a really cute chick killed needlessly in a horror movie. Alan gets his though when he makes it back up to the bedroom. His bride Orville woke up and decided that he wanted a divorce.
13. After everyone is dead, the zombies walk down to the dock and start boarding Alan's boat. I really hope that Popeye was buried on that island somewhere, 'cause I sure doubt any of the rest of them were in any condition to drive that boat.

 


 


Best Quote

"Man is a machine that manufactures manure."

 

- Alan talking about the role of man. - (Reviewer's Note: Ok, now that's just freakin' profound. Actually, this is only one of a ton of great quotes in this movie.)



 

Video Clip
When prompted, enter bmovie for the username and central for the password.

Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things
Alan is going through his warlock's war chest but stops for a moment to rip on Val, who might I add, totally deserves it.



The Conclusion

The first time I watched this movie, my wife was in a bad mood, I was in a bad mood because of my wife, and she was walking around the house being a pain in the butt. I managed to watch the movie all the way through, but I didn't think much of it. This is one of those movies however, much like Spinal Tap, that you have to watch more than once before you really "get it" and start to enjoy it.

The first time you watch this movie, it looks like nothing more than just another cheap zombie movie. When you really watch it and get into the whole goof of Alan's dialogue and the mannerisms of his character, the movie takes on a whole new light. I focus on Alan because he's pretty much the main focus throughout the movie. Alan Ormsby wrote this movie with Bob Clark of "Porky's" fame, and obviously they focused more on the Alan character's dialogue than on that of any of the other characters. Does this mean that the rest of the characters were completely lacking and uninteresting? Not at all. Some of them were, but other characters in the movie make a good showing as well.  Anya in particular is a really great character. She's incredibly cute, a total nut, and throws a really good freak out. Then there's the two very gay guys in zombie makeup who Alan hired to hang out in the cemetery, laying in wait to scare the rest of Alan's crew.  If you can listen to those guys without getting a doofy smile on your face, then there's something wrong with you.

Despite some various shortcomings here and there, this was a very well written movie and although much of the acting by some of the more boring characters in the movie was less than adequate, the characters that really shined more than made up for it. The make-up in this movie was about what you'd expect from a movie with this level of budget, but they did a good job with what they had and made a really fun and enjoyable low-budget flick that's great to watch late at night and to goof on with your friends.

The first time I watched this movie, I would have probably only given it one or two Bees. After watching it for the second time though, my opinion has improved considerably, and after having seen it now several more times, I have to say that despite the rating, it has become one of my favorite movies.  The rating is simply due to some of the problems with the film, but on a personal level, this one gets five bees from me.

B-Movie Central's Rating: 3½ Bees

Purchase this film from Amazon:
or

Purchase this film from Movies Unlimited:
or

Unseen Things: Origins



My series of contemporary fantasy / sci-fi novels, Unseen Things is now available through the official website, Amazon, Smashwords and other online retail sites.

BMC Facebook Page




Donations

If you enjoy this site, please consider making a donation.

alt

Affiliates




Login Form