Morons From Outer Space

Year Of Release: 1985
Running Time: 90 Minutes
DVD Released By: MGM Midnite Movies
Directed By: Mike Hodges
Writing Credits: Griff Rhys Jones, Mel Smith
Filming Location: Unknown

Starring: Mel Smith, Joanne Pearce, Jimmy Nail, Paul Bown, James Sikking, Dinsdale Landen, Tristram Jellinek, George Innes, Griff Rhys Jones

Tagline: One giant leap...backwards!

Alternate Titles:
I was unable to find any reference to alternate titles for this film.

Interesting Bits of Trivia:
In 1985 Mel Smith played the Hotel Manager in National Lampoon's European Vacation.




Cast Of Characters
Bernard: He seems to be the only one of the aliens who's even remotely semi-intelligent. That is to say, he seemed that way for a while, until he started talking to garbage cans.

Desmond Brock: He's the brain dead alien turd who took the ship and left Bernard behind in space to get hit on by some lecherous alien who picked him up hitchhiking. That wasn't a pretty scene.

Sandra Brock: Desmond's wife. She seems like the kind of a wife that Benny Hill would have who was making his life miserable. If she was my wife, I wouldn't put up with any of her alien crap. I'd be like, "Listen, Missy, you get in the kitchen, and bake me some pie!"

Julian Tope: He's kind of bitchy and milquetoast for an alien. I thought aliens were supposed to be tough?

Graham Sweetly: He was a reporter at a TV station that and was treated very badly. He took it upon himself to rescue the aliens from the government and then he became their agent. Don't he look like Jared from the Subway Sandwich commercials?

Grenville Madison: He's the leader of the British Forces. He falls in love with Sandra and chases after her all the time trying to score. Here's a nice picture of him disguised as a Frenchman. Very convincing isn't he?




The Plot
Four aliens are cruising through space in their mobile home spaceship when suddenly they have a malfunction. Unable to fix the problem, three of the four aliens leave in the escape pod and make their way to Earth where they're first treated like aliens and interrogated by the government, and then become celebrities performing in concerts and advertisements and so forth. The fourth alien, after hitching a ride on another spaceship, winds up on Earth as well, but in America instead of the UK like the others did. Finally, after making his way to the UK and finding the others, the fourth alien is rejected by the other three. Oh whatever will become of these poor stranded aliens?



What The Hell???
1. The movie starts out with the space people flying through space in a giant motor home spaceship. Oh and did you know that you can hear sound in space? And that space motor homes have fuzzy covers on the steering wheels? And that space aliens look exactly like humans and speak English with British accents? I didn't.
2. Why the hell does a spaceship have a horn? They're honking the horn at people as they're sliding down the freeway through traffic.
3. When word spreads that the aliens have landed, everyone freaks out completely. You'd think that by 1985, people were ready for this sort of thing to happen. I mean it's not like we haven't been hearing about aliens for the last 60 or 70 years.
4. Ok Bernard just sneezed and blew snot all over the inside of his helmet. Normally I love sick humor, but when it's done in a movie that's this idiotic and unfunny, it's ends up just being some disgusting and unnecessary addition to an otherwise boring scene.
5. Bernard gets picked up by an alien that heard his distress signal out in space. So they're flying along and chit chatting and suddenly the alien asks him if he's male or female and put his hand on Bernard's leg. Bernard tells him he's male and the alien gets disappointed and ejects him from the ship, at which time he falls quickly down through the Earth's atmosphere and lands in Arizona without a scratch on him. Now first of all he'd have burned up in the atmosphere and secondly even if he did survive that, he wouldn't have survived the fall.
6. Oh god this movie is stupid. Somebody please shoot me! For god's sake, somebody please just put a bullet in my head! Make it stop! Please make it stop!!!
7. So they find out the aliens are actually human and the next thing you know, they're interviewing them in front of a big group of scientists and what not. The aliens are totally moronic and end up playing word games with the scientists and treating them like they're the stupid ones. Come to think of it, they are. At least I only had to watch this piece of crap, they actually had to act in it.

8. Ok, Bernard hasn't seen anyone yet which is totally stupid considering he came down in the middle of a park. He then proceeds to ask a garbage can if he can speak with it's leader. Even if you combined all the mental energies that these four could muster and make it all work together as one cohesive thought, it still wouldn't amount to enough brain power to even be able to outwit a turd.

9. Ok, like two scenes later Bernard is talking to the garbage can again. Then he's hit by a truck that runs over his foot, taken to the hospital in the ambulance ride from hell, and then proceeds to talk to the garbage can in the hospital. Are you seeing a pattern here?
10. This whole movie is one big "What The Hell???" I don't even know what to write anymore. This is sad. I can't wait for this movie to be over.
11. Bernard gets some kind of a shock treatment in the hospital where they tie him to a chair, put on a set of headphones, and pump loud Iron Maiden music into his head. I personally rather like Iron Maiden music.
12. Suddenly, they become pop stars and get rich and famous. Sandra starts lookin pretty decent after they get all popular. This is about the only good thing in this movie. Unfortunately, she's not hot enough to make up for the rest of it.
13. When they get to the concert they're going to perform at, Jared...I mean Graham, is wearing these hideous Elton John looking sunglasses. They got yellow frames. At this point, I'm not even suprised anymore.
14. When Desmond gets into his concert makeup, he looks like some kind of a zombie. Desmond is all drunk when they go out on stage and he pukes all over Sandra right in front of everyone. She starts squealing and beating on him. PLEASE DON'T LET THESE PEOPLE BREED!!!

15. When Bernard shows up at the concert, the other three totally dog him and have him thrown out. I never have figured out just what exactly their problem is with him. I guess they're jealous because he's one IQ point smarter than they are.

16. Some repo man from the company they rented the space motor home from comes down in a big spaceship right in the middle of the concert and take the three aliens back with him leaving Bernard behind. Don't worry about Bernard though. Graham hooks up with him and becomes his new agent. He'll be all right.
17. THANK GOD THIS HORRIBLE PIECE OF CRAP IS FINALLY OVER!!!! Man, I hope I can still have babies. I feel like I need a shower now.



Best Quote

Sandra: "You're a complete animal Desmond!"
Desmond: "BELCH!!!!"

 

- Sandra yelling at Desmond as they're walking back to the dressing room at the concert after he puked all over her on stage. - (Reviewer's Note: Of all the dialogue in this movie, this is the only thing I could really find to grab as a quote. Sad isn't it. What's even sadder is that I actually had to go back and re-watch parts of the movie to get a quote. Oh the humanity!)




Video Clip
When prompted, enter bmovie for the username and central for the password.

Morons From Outer Space
Bernard seems to have a bad case of space allergies.



The Conclusion

All I can say is that I truly suffered watching this movie. I love comedy, and I especially love British Comedy, but it's a rare thing indeed to find a movie that is this absolutely patently unfunny. It was a chore to watch it, and it was so bad that I actually had to watch it in pieces, doing small bits of the review at a time. There's a quote on the back of the box from Leonard Maltin. For those of you who don't know him, he's a film critic and historian. The quote is, "Chaos reigns supreme in this inventive, hilarious comedy." Now I don't know what he's been smokin', but whatever it was, I wish I had had some before having to sit through this movie again. Another quote from the box is from The Washington Post. It states, and I quote, "The gags are flung at you like darts." Yeah, they all fall short though and end up hitting the floor like a wet, sticky turd.

Absolutely nothing in this movie makes sense, and if you can actually make it through watching this whole movie, then I truly feel for your suffering. If you make it through this movie, and you actually enjoyed it, I would have to call into serious question not only your taste but your sanity.

I know I brought this upon myself. I was the one who wanted to review a couple of bad movies in a row just to balance out the review ratings, but man oh man, I'm so glad this is over. Doing reviews on movies like this one, and the next one I'm going to do, which is equally bad if not worse, is like taking some nasty medicine. You just gotta take it as quickly as possible and get it over with. Like all medicine though, it does have at least one beneficial effect - It makes you appreciate truly good b-movies all the more.

B-Movie Central's Rating: The Bat!

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